February 8th, 2015

Scary Books

How To Get Away With Murder 1x02 Reviewed

It’s All Her Fault
Flashforwards leave you pondering: how did the group come to this? Also when did Wes become such an ass? In the present, people wonder about how Lila ended up in the water-tank. Keating’s husband Sam seems unsupportive and disingenuous. Keating goes on about lies and secrets. The case of the week centres on the murder of a woman who was stabbed 16 times. Her weird creepy husband is the prime suspect. He (Steven Weber of ‘Wings’ and ‘Falling Skies’) treats it all facetiously and with indifference. To the incredulous stares of everyone he re-enacts how the murder may have happened with a law student and a pen. The husband is all complacency, braggadocio and provocation.

Wes’ neighbour Rebecca is a vociferous, interminable, implausible, implacable Maniac Pixie Dream Girl. The plot is fast moving: there are solemn pronouncements of lies, embedding of liberal values, materupting and this is a searing treatise on justice. Keating’s lover Nate is disgruntled and Keating is unquestioned by anyone though she is suspicious of her husband. Everyone is rotting inside. Rebecca has pugnacity, Keating’s co-workers among them Frank (it's Ben from 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer') discourage the students.

The rich coldly honing avuncular husband is unaccountable. There are contentious events, ill served victims and Keating is oddly toothless when it comes to her bro-dude husband. People frown judgementally and this was good and creepy. There is proper fear about the rich widower, Keating thinks very horribly in between her oratorical epiphanies. There is ferment and noises. The college kids in between falling drunkenly out of windows and dying violently see someone arrested for Lila’s murder. Keating spews some terrible horrible dialogue about her uncaring, desperately toxic marriage to Sam (Tom Verica of ‘Central Park West’)

Best Lines:
“Do you know who anyone really is?”

“What if it’s not?”

“It’s all her fault!”

“Stop acting like a little bitch baby.”

“My answer is always the same: I don’t care.”

“An actual skeleton in your closet.”

“Hitting the carotid artery which is now squirting like a loose fire hose.”

“Why are any of you here?”

“Thank you. Now get out.”

“Washed all the beer and frat-boy stench off of me.”

“We attack the motive.”

“Prom Queen and Douche Face.”

“You don’t seriously dig through stranger’s trash on a normal basis?”

“The jury feels manipulated.”

“Be as punishing as possible.”

“I was 15 and anorexic, just like every other girl at my private school.”

“I hope the jury decides to kill you!”

“He’s a hunter, he knows how to kill.”

“There’s actual relevance to the things you do?”

“Some sad twink.”

“Speak up more.”

“Quiet ones are the most dangerous.”
Scary Books

Stuff of the Day

Whatever became of Abz from 5ive?

Read wretched ‘Gotham’ casting info.

They’re rebooting ‘Stargate’?

I won’t bother with ‘Blue Labyrinth’ or ‘Angel & Faith’ issue 10x11.

Vanilla Bean and Maple Syrup smoothie - okay.

I am not so found of the new Opium.

I am reading ‘City Of Heavenly Fire’.

‘City Of Heavenly Fire’ Quotes:
“Wound him if you desire.”

“It’s a shame you won’t live.”

‘Plebs’ Quotes:
“Those tiles may look cracked but that’s deliberate. It’s actually a mosaic.”

“So what happened to your face then?”
“It got beaten up by an old man.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“She’s nice.”
“What are you basing that on?”

“Big naked teddy bear with herpes.”

“Wait it out.”

‘Glee’ Quote:
“I’d fart my answer.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Waving photographs of an unflushed toilet and a beer can on the floor of the trailer in which she lived.”

“Inspired in its derangement.”

‘Law and Order: SVU’ Quotes:
“If I make trouble, they won’t let me pledge.”

“She got slutty.”

“That Frat, again.”

“Great, mean girls.”

“Just how drunk was she?”

“Saying I’m spreading STDs.”

“She’s slut of the week.”

“Young emotional girls.”
“And privileged aggressive boys.”

“A drunken accusation.”

“My roommate called campus security.”

“Said if I didn’t admit myself, they’d commit me.”

“That helps.”

“Don’t make yourself a target.”

“She hadn’t hit bottom yet.”

“She tore her own clothes off?”

“Make sure they don’t drink and drive, OD or get knifed.”

“She was pink clouding.”

“Don’t tell, don’t report.”

“That’s not my job.”
“That’s not your job?”

“Leaks like a church roof.”

“I’m all better now.”

“We laughed at her.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Falling over quite a lot.”

“If a drone could be used as an aerial platform for his hawks.”

“Japanese tourists shouting “koala man!”.”

“You can’t chuck a koala on the back of a truck.”

“God’s gift to gussets.”

“Those deserted Walford wastelands that only appears when things are about to get proper naughty.”

“After she punched Bikini Kill’s Kathleen Hanna in the face at Lollapalooza in 1995.”

“Boring men with beards rambling in caves.”

“Texts that almost felt designed to be stumbled upon.”

“Lobotomised dolly look.”

“Fished sanitary pads from the huge septic tank.”

“Someone to avoid and ignore.”

“My constant noise less charming.”

“Sordid, violent and undisciplined excess.”

“Emotional conservatives.”

“Third prettiest budgie.”

“I could not prevent the staff from fighting with each other and brazenly stealing from us.”

“Suicide mission of a deliberately disordered life.”

“The brides’ father ends the day by setting himself on fire, and is extinguished with a bottle of champagne.”

“Compelling use of silence.”

“Terrible, contorted world.”

“Ominously notes.”

“Odd encouraging titter.”

“What the semi-colon means.”

“The stock was so poor that you could only rent it to students.”

“You steeled yourself to run across the room to turn it on, retreating back to bed to wait for the room to heat up. Sex was a form of frostbite protection.”

“We would put the milk bottles on a shaded window ledge to keep cool. Some houses were so antiquated they had no electric sockets.”

“If there was a phone (we didn’t have one) it was coin-operated and screwed into the wall in the freezing hall.”

“The rank weed-ridden backyard is a smart patio garden.”

“Far out beyond the rim of the known world - Hackney, a part of London my mother designated as where you came from, not where you went to.”

“Putting cement down toilets or ripping them out altogether.”

“Strive so visibly for profundity.”

“Rolling her eyes at his personal failings.”

“Inchoate moral system.”

“Unexamined iniquity.”

“Loud, unpleasant and uncultured.”

“I bear no specific ill-feeling towards you at this point.”

“Giant screaming sobs.”


“Comparatively neglected.”

“That to historicise.”


“Leaves them to their dirty, nasty backwoods fate.”

“That is genuine crap.”


“More irritating than a dose of thrush.”

“Shouting at each other.”

“Are superfluous, that they’re stupid, that they’re in the way.”

“Bland and inoffensive.”

“No bracing, wide-open dialogue. Instead you get conformity.”

“Capacity to embrace audacity has flagged.”

“Mired in moody recalcitrance.”

“He gamely resists.”

“Such treacly treatment.”

“The emotional realities of the situation cry out for exhaustive scrutiny.”

“Image remains considerately unsullied.”

“Diluted to the point of tedium.”

“The comfort blanket of the past.”

“Refight battles won long ago.”

“Too threadbare to stimulate.”

“Bland, unsubtle and worryingly dull.”

“This is the work of privileged, moneyed, over-educated, pampered, middle-class liberal idiots.”

“Stupid hippy nation.”

“Those dreadful scary rough children from the council flats.”

‘Hi-De-Hi!’ Quotes:
“Not with the words he uses.”

“A piss artist.”

“Sod off.”

“Don’t get involved.”

“Then the crocodile comes on.”

‘The Gloss’ Quotes:
“She didn’t believe in breakfast for women over 40.”

“Deploying white jeans and dinner parties.”

“Started drinking vodka sodas exclusively.”

“Wears very unbuttoned shirts.”

“You can have as much gross cold watercress soup as you like and you can sometimes have yogurt. That’s it.”

Horrible Histories’ Quotes:
“Our grievances are more serious.”

“So many grievances we could fill a cart.”

“Why am I the villain?”

“Do want we ask or we gonna make you bleed.”

“Scammer King John.”

“A rubbish King.”

“Kings watch how you rule.”

“A grievance battle.”

“I’ll tax what I like.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“No real plans to leave anytime soon.”

“His BO is often overwhelming.”

“Shovel that place out.”

“It’s their space; you’re allowed to stay there.”

“Fired from four of them.”

“They told me I wasn’t working hard enough.”

“The hospital fired me for waking up late. They treat attendance fairly seriously.”

“Some weird conflict.”

“Let myself get fired.”

“Behave your way to success.”

“Entitlement is crippling this country.”

“Everything’s not about football.”

“Yelling obscenities on campus.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Patrick gets joint custody of Minnie to Maxine’s despondency. Patrick menaces Maxine to her dejected chagrin. Will’s funeral is held, only Dirk, Cindy and Dr S’avage aka Charles attend. Where is Liberty? Dirk’s emotional woes pile up when another letter appears threatening blackmail as a casual statement of fact. Why has Darren been forced out of his home and out of parenting his own children by his disruptive junkie wife? Why is Darren panting after Maxine? Sienna is persuasively played by Patrick who finds Nico malleable. I read horrible casting news, Zoë Lucker the show killer is joining the cast. Dirk and Charles bond over not feeling wrenching sadness over Will. Ste informs Tony about his HIV. Tegan does stuff, nobody cares. Darren gaslights Maxine and Patrick is deemed responsible. Poor Maxine is victimised by the derogatory ruthless manipulator Patrick and his psycho social games.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Invisible Library + The Shipkiller + The Creation Of Anne Boleyn

The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman
This dreary, arty-farty misfire has no complex, flawed real characters or complex, flawed, real relationships. Unethical polemicist Irene works for the Library stealing books from alternate worlds and invariably getting into scrapes. She ends up in a steampunk London with a non-compliant trainee, an undercutting belligerent arch nemesis and a Sherlock Holmes knock off.

This was terrible, boring and badly written. Irene doesn’t care that her job description is inaccurate, that there is a haphazard big bad out there and crisis and uncertainty may be coming. I am baffled as to how this ever got published, it was all for nothing. I felt profound dissatisfaction that I was enticed by this banal substandard mess in which there are no moral terms, characters proselytise and there is not one interesting conceit.

Best Lines:
“Johnson! My horsewhip!”

“The White Singer and the Fallen Towers.”

“What sort of bargains had he struck?”

The Shipkiller by Justin Scott
This 1978 sea thriller is a relic - it is dated, racist and full of references to the Shah and Concorde. The Hardins are sailing around the sea when a super tanker named Leviathan sinks them. Peter lives but his wife is lost at sea. Nobody cares or takes responsibility. So Peter decides on a crazed revenge plan: to sink Leviathan after chasing her around the Persian Gulf.

This was dull, full of sailing jargon and everyone is either exorbitantly smug and racist or in the case of Peter’s new love interest, a sexist unintentionally offensive stereotype. I don’t care about Peter’s seething anger or non-existent sanity. Also the ending leaves a lot unresolved. This was unserious and significantly dated.

The Creation Of Anne Boleyn by Susan Bordo
This fascinating if meandering cultural history examines Anne Boleyn. Why is she so compelling? Why does she inspire such extreme reactions? How could King Henry VIII order the execution of his wife? How did a woman who died in disgrace propagate such an afterlife in public imagination? This is an interesting dissection on how historians, authors, playwrights, films, paintings and television have made Anne Boleyn into a mainstream cultural issue in the centuries since her death.

Bordo goes on at length about ’Anne Of The Thousand Days’, ’The Anne Boleyn Files’ blog, the novel ’Brief Gaudy Hour’, Hilary Mantel’s novels. Eustace Chapuys, ’The Tudors’ TV show, Genevieve Bujold, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Merle Oberon, ’The Other Boleyn Girl’ film, book and TV movie, ’The Real Housewives of Orange County’, Natalie Dormer, Alison Weir, David Starkey and her bete noir Philippa Gregory.

Bordo has some airy pretensions to grandeur like braying on about being hit by a bus and bike. But her take on identity politics, Anne’s social transgressions, Anne’s undoubtedly grim end and the unceasing interest in the maybe unscrupulous Queen and the many unsupportable accusations made against her makes one read this voraciously. This is a restorative reprioritising look at how bias affects comprehension.

Best Lines:
“Medieval codpiece teaser.”

“A foolish and bad woman.”

“The fall and ruin of the concubine.”

“The reputation which Anne had earned for herself.”

“Learned far too many tricks at the French court.”

“As for noblemen, be careful not to make them hate you.”

“The greater ignominy and shame of the Lady.”

“She had not misconducted herself.”

“Monstrous paranoiac.”

“Fresh air was considered unnecessary, even dangerous.”