February 5th, 2015

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Daredevil’ promo
Not impressed.

Best Lines:
“Don’t say his name.”

“I’m not asking for forgiveness.”

‘Marry Me’ promo
Oh this show is indistinguishable.

‘Popcorn’ (1991) is known as ‘Skinner’ in Germany and ‘Phantom of the Cinema’ in Finland. I’d love to read the original script. I’ve read up on the alleged blu-ray release and it is amazing that TPTB make not one mention of Tom Villard. Maybe the blu-ray will explain why the director and lead actress were replaced when the bulk of the film had been shot and the excised subplots. The original UK VHS cover of ‘Popcorn’ was terrible.

Best Lines:
“What did he do?”
“What did he do? What the hell did he, Jesus Christ, what the hell didn’t he do?”

“Do something!”
“Do what?”

“Yeah, yours is a bitch too!”

“What do you want me to do? Stick my hand in it?”

“Some crappy old movie they wouldn’t even rent for 99 cents.”

I may review ‘The Contender’.

Philadelphia Sensations duo cremoso garlic & fine herbs - ok.

Hands & nails cream with argan oil and evening primrose oil - smells nice.

‘Hi-De-Hi!’ was vastly over-rated as a sitcom. Gillian Taylforth was in it!

Whatever became of Fashion Television?

I’m done with ‘Devious Maids’.

How many long lost half-sisters does Meredith have on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’?

‘The Invisible Library’ Quotes:
“Owned a nice selection of slums.”

“It’s a nexus for their filth.”

“You can’t expect me to approve of things like that.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I remember it, how can it be a lie?”

“They had a very different recollection.”

“Did you drive around and look?”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“No less than four inquiries.”

“I don’t know, it’s for others to judge.”

“What’s your opinion?”
“I don’t have once.”

“Facing a genuine difficulty.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“A constant barrage of abuse is just part of my job. Shrug. Nothing we can do. I’m asking for it apparently.”

“Men feeling entitled to women’s time and attention.”

“Recreational abuse.”

“A silencing tactic.”

“We’ll stop when you’re gone.”

“Or much interest in trying.”

“Shut your laptop and throw it into the sea.”

“When men hate themselves, it’s women who take the beatings.”

“Keep screaming, trolls. I see you.”

“Leopard print, neon bras and plastic sunglasses.”

“Tiny little movies.”

“Mr Swallow the musical.”

“Huffy, prissy personality.”

“We’re not bruschettas!”

“It’s hard to do costume drama with a straight face.”

“My swansong was the worst film ever made.”

“Unwilling to come up with new storylines.”

“Strictly vegetarian and very anti-hunting (she’s gonna love the Stone Age).”

“At first they seemed confused about which end to start with.”

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“A no dog list.”

“Did you eat found gum again?”

“Your negative energy.”

“Have diarrhoea in the house.”

“Is that real pee?”

“I’m not sticking my hand in a dead puppet.”

“You feel good about yourself?”

“Tell me to heel.”

“Puppy Dog Stocking.”

“He’s still not doing much.”

“He’ll probably be fun at some point.”

“Post sex ice cream sandwich.”

“I assume she’s sleeping off her breakfast cocktail.”

“Nana’s dead, we can’t afford you.”

“We’ve never made comma money.”

“That’s not a cuckoo clock.”
“We’ll see.”

“What is your passion?”

“Like drying your face with a kitten.”

“For the master of the house: chilled grape soda.”

“The Chinese are finally coming ashore, looking for the money we owe them.”

“TV’s trying to tell me something.”

“Mullet vision.”

“Even the weeds are dead.”

“Bail skipping shoplifter.”

“Just cinnamon breath spray.”

“I did not think this through.”

‘Friends’ Quotes:
“Crazy man with a snake.”

“Hey Blowfish, suck on my neck.”

“Your poor friends outreach programme.”

‘Channel 4 News’ Quotes:
“Murdered by boyfriends, husbands, strangers.”

“The world’s most violent city outside a war zone.”

‘Devious Maids’ Quotes:
“We? As in our servants?”

“I will no longer be subjected to this paranoid ranting.”

“Breasts are fake and she’s had Chlamydia twice.”

“Can we discuss this once I’ve stopped bleeding?”

“I had my fillers injected today! If I don’t sleep, the botulism won’t settle!”

“You don’t look happy.”
“That means the poison kicked in.”

“The moron I’m married to.”

“Very rude of him to die.”

“That never gets old.”
“And neither do we.”

‘Teen Mom 2’ Quotes:
“Don’t talk about my drinking.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Cindy is fine and Will’s smirking. Trevor walks around in his tight Calvin Klein underwear and Grace’s negligee to feed his fish. Esther goes to live with him and Grace. Maxine wears ugly clothes. Where is Mitzeee? Will has exhilaration over his awfulness. Robbie snots. Dirk only cares about his new family. Will lists his grievances and throws Nico under the bus. To think Will was once innocuous. The hospital killer kills Will. Dirk lets Will die. Will was right, Dirk doesn’t love him. Who is the killer? Frankie has no remorse. The hospital seems very understaffed. Poor Will his recidivism is explained, his persistent refrain that Dirk favoured Dodger was true. Dirk gets a menacing letter. Patrick menaces. Nico may get away with pushing Will and the nurses are unprofessional.

Best Lines:
“The only thing I’ll level is your face!”

“Idiot tax!”

“Prison’s not all that bad.”

“I’ll get pregnant.”

“She’s got the crazy gene.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Weirder Shadows Over Innsmouth, part 2 + The Princess Bride

Weirder Shadows Over Innsmouth edited by Stephen Baxter, part 2

The Chain
In Carmel, a contrarian artist is aghast at the lack of muse. So he decides on an efficacious piece of performance art. It does not lead to public discourse but rather a disorderly and aggressive reveal of a methodical kind of madness. This was okay but the ‘hero’ and his ‘libertinage’ annoyed.

Best Lines:
“A corner-shouter. A crazy person.”

“No off-notes, nobody wonky, no misfits?”

“Is that some kind of warning?”
“Yes it is.”

Into The Water
The water is rising. This is an excellent tale of an era-defining flood during which the ill-informed realise too late what is going on.

Best Lines:
“The Thing that we open the way for - will be awful and savage beyond imagining.”

“We might be terrible, Isaac, but after us?”

Rising, Not Dreaming
A man gets unruly about his job to keep the Old Ones from rising. Purposeless.

The Long Last Night
They have risen and a man goes on a long exposition dump as he faces improbable odds in the post-rising wasteland. This was dull, dated and full of queasy gratuitous gender politics. Also it was addled, insufficient and disingenuous.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman
Ostensibly a simple fairytale of Buttercup and Westley, this is full of disingenuous prattling fools and incongruous prancing around. I found this grim and I don’t like the film either. This was a vanity misjudgement.
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The 100 2x05 + Wolf Hall 1x03 Reviewed

Human Trials
Kane recalls his dead mother. Abbie is a patronising disingenuous moron and her bad decisions go on. Finn is unreasonable. Lincoln is in peril. Mount Weather is plotting to get the 100’s blood. An orchestrated event makes Maya sick. This episode was insignificant. Nothing is unacceptable to Clarke. A lot of this trouble could have been avoided if they had just asked the Grounders what they meant by Mountain Men. Finn is a crazy man. Mount Weather turns Lincoln into a Reaper; the Mount Weather lot have a propensity for evil. Abbie slaps Raven. Jaha and Kane reunite, what? Murphy and Finn resort to violence and threats. What is Mount Weather up to? The ‘President’ and his creepy Head Of Security son plot. Finn shoots a load of Grounders and is an irrefutable nut job.

Best lines:
“Clarke left us.”

“We move to Phase Two.”

“Shouldn’t you be in the dungeon with your monsters?”
“They are not monsters, they are soldiers.”

“Our people come first right?”

Anna Regina
The morally compromised Anne achieves her hearts desire. This episode covers 1531 to 1533 as Thomas More torments heretics. Katherine of Aragon and Mary (who is a redhead) sneer. The vicar of hell lurks. Harry Percy’s wife wants a divorce. Jane Boleyn sneers. There is a collective denial of Anne’s one time betrothal to Harry Percy. Henry plans an unprecedented break with Rome. Percy is dissolute and Cromwell metes out verbal justice to him. Cromwell seems to fancy Anne. There are poor ethics all round. Anne and Cromwell reach an understanding. Nobody cares for the distant authority of the Pope. Henry drunkenly leans on Cromwell and plans a visit to Calais. Anne is elevated to the horror of More and his moral suffering. A seer makes bitter denunciations.

There is bitter iniquity, chaos and dysfunction. Calais looks unremarkable. This ep was essentially prosaic. Mary Boleyn is saucy. Matters are convening. Anne and Henry bond in a pained kind of way. Henry has indignation at Anne’s pettiness. No one has moral authority. Anne gets candid and beguiling with no apprehension. Mary Boleyn has anguish and Cromwell is a stupendous ass. Anne’s acquiescence leads to her marriage and coronation as Queen of England. There is lots of staring and walking. Jane Seymour is sad, Jane Boleyn is snide, there is foreshadowing and this was okay but joyless.

Best Lines:
“Stand up straight.”

“Now he writes all the laws.”

“Beat his head on the cobbles until I’d knocked some of God’s love into it.”

“The wicked Jezebel.”

“Say one more word and I’ll punch you.”

“I’ll allow that.”

“My sister is a notorious virgin.”

“The fields were black with men running the other f##king way!”


“Bite your bollocks off.”

“Pray a lot.”

“I shake.”

“Drag her back to the whorehouse.”

“Now I’m valued.”

“This is my humble face, will it serve?”


“If he’s shy, Anne will know how to help.”

“I won’t have you in this devil’s company.”

“I repeat my comment.”

“I look like a walking bruise.”

“They’ll never love you like that.”

“I’m not distressed.”

“These people want me dead.”

“When my son is born, they’ll all be powerless.”