January 29th, 2015


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Atticus Institute’ (2015) trailer
A ‘1976’ documentation about a psychic research facility where something went wrong. Namely possession and exorcism. Looks good.

Best Lines:
“To weaponize her.”

“Play games with the devil.”

‘Gotham’ 1x02 promo
Nice: “Well enough.”

‘Inherent Vice’ TV spot

Best Line:
“A little peculiar.”

‘If Tomorrow Comes’ (1986) opening credits
This miniseries has a great theme, very 007.

‘Fantastic 4’ (2015) trailer
Doesn’t look good. Why did they reboot this?

Best Lines:
“There is risk, there is sacrifice and there are consequences.”

“Be ready for what’s coming.”
“What is coming?”

‘Agents of SHIELD’ promo
Are we supposed to care about Skye?

The BBC has axed ‘Atlantis’.

No Sylar in ‘Heroes Reborn’, yay.

There is to be a 3rd series of ‘The Musketeers’?

I’m done with ‘Revenge’ - David is a moron.

The ‘Ghostbusters’ reboot sounds crap.

I won’t review ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ Issue 10x11.

I won’t bother with ‘Doctor Spektor’.

I will review ‘The Prophecy’.

Apple sherbets - good.
Snickers bars - yum.

The ‘Master of the Game’ miniseries was originally released on a 3 tape set, the cover of part 3 ‘Eve & Alexandra’ was fright inducing.

‘The Cardinal’s Blades’ Quotes:
“No one likes Rochefort. He does the Cardinal’s dirty work. A spy and no doubt also an assassin.”
“And what are we then?”

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“A once peed on, no return policy.”

“Not not loving.”

“A sugar burger.”

“You crash pretty hard.”

“My pancreas seized up.”

“She’ll surely die.”

“Don’t act like I’m such a burden.”

“Do my business starfish style.”

“Dead end job, no wife, bleak future.”

“We could be fake inspirations to people like Lance Armstrong.”

“I’ve never seen a scale with a seat before.”

“No wonder vegans are such jerks.”

“These cakes smell like urinal cakes.”
“Cakes are cakes.”

“Junk food withdrawal.”

“Shattered one and used the shards to kill and eat a raccoon.”

“Half a mile of only partially shaded road.”

“A mop told us how to get out of this room.”

“I have stress induced night terrors.”

“My baby egg window.”

“Husbands are expendable.”

“My garage is bleached.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Give me your logic.”

“He will kill me.”

“Overly watched.”

“Kicked our gate in.”

“The haters protested.”

“Like a bunch of sheep.”

“People should bash in the windows.”

“Knocked a door down.”

“Ding dong the bitch is dead.”

“Shows what a liar she is.”

“Far from victims, are in fact disgusting unethical nut jobs.”

“That’s not normal.”

“Locked her in the bedroom for trying to visit Grandma.”

“Threw a bucket of ice and a bucket of water.”

“Things keep get getting worse.”

“I’ve lost all of my friends.”

“Please be quiet.”

“Use a stun gun on you.”

“You bleeping bitches.”

“My concern about that.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

“Way too heated.”

“How’d that work?”
“It didn’t.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Will is apparently going to try and kill again. Also Finn will return. Why is Freddie at the forefront of every plot? Who is Dylan? The McQueens hang their underwear on a washing line in the front garden. Peri hates Ziggy. Lindsey is a moron and makes endless disobliging remarks. Is Cameron coming back? Where are Trevor’s fish? Grace rubs Esther’s feet. Nancy is the acting head of the school. Lindsey harasses Chelsea the stripper. Trevor is affectionate. Nancy is high at work. Cleo annoys. Lindsey is a moron. Tom and Dylan fight. Nancy passes out at work. Freddie gloats. Lindsey justifies herself. Grace plots. Freddie looks teary eyed and high. Peri causes a mass poisoning at school. The McQueens plot revenge and dump pink paint over Lindsey after she and Freddie rubbed the McQueens faces in their awfulness. Joe’s back.

Best Lines:
“He beat up that poor stripper.”

“It’s game over for you.”

“Have you seen the way he drives?”

“Bury everybody that stands in your way.”

“I will break your knees.”
“That’s my girl.”

“You don’t hit people. But if you do, your techniques all wrong.”

“A drugged up loser!”

“They’ve got the social skills of apes.”

“Leaving obvs.”

“That slutty doctor.”

Scary Books

Book Review: The Murdstone Trilogy

The Murdstone Trilogy by Mal Peet
Award winning author Philip Murdstone’s star has waned. His agent convinced him to write a High Fantasy trilogy to make it big again. Murdstone is incapable of accomplishing the task but a stranger named Pocket Wellfair comes to his aid. This was a good metafiction tale of self-definition, writing, heroics, unplacebale realms and the nature of reality.

Best Lines:
“Losing himself in BBC Word Service programmes about leech farming in Cambodia.”

“The dogs bark but the caravan goes by,”

“Something a bit Welsh - sounding is usually ok. Something you can’t pronounce if you’ve got a normal set of teeth, you know?”

“She only likes books about the SAS.”

“The map on the frontispiece looked suspiciously like the Isle of Wight.”

“He does look like a boiled scrotum.”
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Devious Maids 2x02 + The 100 2x04 + Wolf Hall 1x02 Reviewed

The Dark At The Top Of The Stairs
Peri dresses like a ho. Spence wants a divorce and recriminations are about to fly. Rosie has a new job caring for a stroke ridden man, his middle aged daughter and trophy wife. Zoila’s husband and daughter hate her. Marisol cleans out Dahlia’s things to Opal’s disgust. Carmen’s tragic litany of trashy gutter behaviour goes on. Mrs Powell tries to mug a homeless woman. Valentina is harassed by the man trash pool boy. Zoila tries to get Valentina fired. A bandage dress is worn by the slut. Brett Cullen’s character is gone. This season has no organising principle.

Untenable Opal has a breakdown. Zoila is a nut. Peri threatens Spence with a custody battle and is a selfish trash monster. Spence bows down to his awful wife. Marisol is writing a book about her time as a maid and tries to befriend Opal. Mrs Powell’s bodyguard Tony is benighted. Opal has a child and Marisol uncovers an old letter that says: “Get Opal out of the house.”
Carmen is selfish. I’m disengaging from this show. Zoila’s husband is unhappy and resents his shrew wife and leaves. Spence tells Rosie to leave him alone. Carmen plots and there is a shooting.

Best Lines:
“Nah, I’m not going in there.”

“That was your name at the strip joint wasn’t it Ambrosia?”

“Sometimes we get nasty.”

“You know I can’t hear you when I’m looking at cheese.”

“I shower with my plumber one time.”

“That slut.”

“That cheap piece of Hollywood trash.”

“Don’t ever say anything nice about that woman.”

“She never said moron.”

“You are terrifying.”

“This is not your house.”

“Men don’t leave stars for maids.”

“You’re a monster.”
“And yet I seem so nice in my films.”

“Are you done performing?”

“She’s just an elderly guest.”

“It’s her life to throw.”

“Back off bitch.”

“You make us so unhappy.”

“If he orders water, put vodka in it.”

“Stop judging me.”

“I need some space.”

Many Happy Returns
Where is Jaha? Finn is crazy and wants to abandon an Ark survivor. There is death. Raven is a rude egregious moron. Anya bites a tracker out of her arm. The Ark survivor is a useless whining woman. Grounders attack. This episode is incompetent. The characters stagger around the hostile environment. Clarke is a bitch, she and Anya fight. How does everyone know about the Ark’s existence? Jaha is betrayed by stupid Dead Zone people and there is death.

Best Lines:
“We’re in Grounder territory.”

“You even smell like them.”

“You reek.”

“This is the Dead Zone on the way to The City Of Light.”

“When such a child is born, we leave it out.”

“Of course you can’t.”

“We fell down from space in a football stadium, I think they already know we’re here.”

“I expected better.”

“There is a bounty on Sky People.”

Entirely Beloved
It is still 1529. Wolsey is in disgrace. Cute little Marlinspike shows up. Anne Boleyn sits on a throne. Henry is mercurial. More lurks. Cromwell stares. Mary Boleyn is tearful and Jane Seymour lurks. Cranmer lurks. Wolsey dies. Why is so little attention paid to Henry VII? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Who would reign then?”

“Filthy weather, people, morals.”

“Give it.”

“The Pope will learn his place.”

“A woman can’t lead an army.”
“Her grandmother did.”

“What will we do?”
“Bribe people.”

“Only felons have dogs you can’t see at night.”

“His mouth is the anus of the world.”

“Never mind who grudges it. This will happen. I mean to have him.”

“I really can’t enlighten you.”

“Revenge. She waited her time.”

“Send vengeance upon them all.”
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Flight of Black Angel + The Wooden Horse

Flight Of Black Angel (1991)
This Showtime movie centres on Eddie Gordon (William O’Leary) the top gun at Fighter Weapons School. Flight Instructor Matt Ryan (Peter Strauss of ‘Kane and Abel’ 'Texas Justice', 'Dirty Sexy Money', 'Trial: The Price of Passion' and 'Spacehunter') thinks Gordon is great despite the fact all the trainees think Gordon is nuts. This has a synth score, stock footage and Ryan has excessive hair oil for someone in the USAF. I like this film and I’ve seen all four ‘Iron Eagle’ movies.

Gordon has a breakdown and shoots his boring family and heads back to base. It’s Fighter Weapons School: psycho extension class. No one notices that Gordon has broken the sanity barrier and has apocalyptic derangement. Ryan and his downbeat pep talks overlooks the fact that Gordon is shifty eyed and sullen. Ryan is a ridiculously poor judge of character for a mentor.

Gordon despite not being all there, manages to steal a nuke and have his plane loaded with live fire for a training exercise and murder an unfortunate colleague. No-one notices. The training exercise begins and Gordon has little use for debate, compromise, popularity or second guessing himself. Gordon heavy breathes and kills all the trainees and calls the overacting Ryan sir whilst trying to kill him. Ryan bails out.

The crazy Gordon flies off to plot his next move. A stupid couple become stupid hostages. There is outdated technology, Ryan walks off ejecting and plans to take Gordon out. This leads to a duel and a downer ending. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“He’s engaging me! He’s engaging me!”

“How’d I score Sir?”
“Not particularly well.”

“Goddammit! Goddammit! You lunatic!”
“You’re dead.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I fight to win.”

“Who’s the enemy?”

“They don’t pay me to think.”

“He’s a nut.”

“Up there, dying is easy.”

“Jesus that’s horrible.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t jam me Eddie.”

“We’re not the enemy.”
“We’re all the enemy.”

“Lord he got another one.”

“This is why we’re here.”

“Christ he’s behind me.”

“He’s dropping his load.”

“We thought you might be the other one.”

“The bastard had me fooled.”

“A 40 foot combat jet is not that easy to hide.”

The Wooden Horse (1950)
Allied prisoners tunnel out of a German POW camp using a vaulting horse for cover. This was tiresome and dull.
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