December 30th, 2014

Scary Books

Person Of Interest 3x04 + Stalker 1x08 Reviewed

Reasonable Doubt
Vanessa a prosecutor seems to be the victim of a plot that rips off ‘Double Jeopardy’. Her husband Jeremy is missing presumed murdered. What is going on? The once all biffing Reese hasn’t biffed anyone lately. The non sleek-suited Reese and Finch are dry, silent and brooding. A violent idiot detective with a grudge and lethal anger (Paul Ben-Victor of ’Daredevil’ and ’I-Man’) chases Vanessa the speaking costume. Vanessa turns out to be a victim of her own ambitions. Carter needs some self appraisal. The HR plot has no fleeting cleverness. The expensive husband Jeremy has the IQ of arm stubble. There is a twist and this ep was a bit mono.

Best Lines:
“Burden of proof lies with you.”

“Oh, that’s not good.”

“Cops think she killed him.”
“Oh dear.”

“You once told my boss I was a unique combination of lazy and ineffectual.”

“Do I dare ask how the book club is going?”
“Bunch of pseudo intellectual glorified trophy wives.”

A family are harassed and put into disrepute because the husband (Marc Blucas of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’) is a reformed skinhead. What bourbon pickled talent made this show so ineffective? The cops excoriate the victim and the neighbours are unhelpful. There are calculated insults and untrammelled apoplexy. This ep was gaucheness. A resentful stalker stalks due to cultural imperative. The toyboy lover cop is over styled and has a total inability to be personable. Social cleansing is planned. I felt discontented by this ep. Jack is presented as the victim of his ex’s vast and endless spite. His son learns his daddy is being kept from him. Maggie Q barely features. A bad cover of ‘Hungry Like the Wolf’ plays.

Best Lines:
“Could be experiencing a psychotic break.”

“They hate us now.”

“Can we not right now?”

“The Harvard for skinheads.”

“Not used to unfriendlies.”

“Get off him.”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Big Eyes’ TV spot

‘Roald Dahl’s Esio Trot’ promo

Cheddar cheese on Scottish Rough Oatcakes - good.
Luscious orange caramel atop intense dark choc ganache - divine.
Dark choc filled with dark hazelnut gianduja - divine.
Double-layered caramel in combination with rich bittersweet choc - okay.

Do I care about TVs with organic light-emitting diode screens? No. Nor do I care about the Apple Watch.

Learnt where I got my sweet tooth from. My mother bribed me with chocolate to sit still in my car seat.

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Like a pretty girl with the clap.”

“We can put an end to them.”

“Camping is the preserve of the very young and the terminally idiotic.”

“They head for the hills with their guns.”

“Drive around a corner too quickly while shouting.”

“I’d be useless and dead in a week.”

“Not the ability to waste people who are climbing over the fence.”

“The makeup equivalent of wearing a taffeta ball gown.”

“Several left their sex toys behind, one relieved himself in the foyer.”

“The water went right through my cashmere socks.”

“Horses were allowed on trains back then.”

“I find mountains macho and tedious.”

“I walked into a restaurant with a sign on the door that said, ‘No guns.’.”

“The praline parfait sounded promising but turned out to be a bag of sugar in disguise.”

“Your neighbour evicts kids for cash.”

“Not knowing shame.”

“Our stupid old pencils.”

“A monument to one man’s vanity.”

“Sank in the Bay of Biscay in 2008.”

“Group stupidity masquerading as public virtue is probably the most incurable affliction to assail any community.”

“A bottomless and epochal chasm.”

‘FT’ Quotes:
“Yes @lady gaga is brushing her hair with a fork.”

“Stripped back to a kind of shadow Old English.”

“Deeper and deeper into the darkness of bloody loss and madness.”

“How could one man have been so duplicitous and not slip up, especially when he drank so heavily?”

“Such a cavalier and nepotistic fashion.”

“A series of discrete aphoristic paragraphs, like your cleverest friend’s Facebook status updates.”

“Considered him neurotic, volatile, belligerent, domineering, foolish and dangerous.”

“Conflicting, local narratives.”

“A national sense of victim hood.”

“Human evil has been rampant within living memory.”

“Featherlight drollery.”

“Over-directed talent.”

“I think, therefore I scam.”

“Trashy-cute images.”

“What’s wrong with “lowest common denominator kitsch”,”

“Manic-oleaginous svengali.”

“A scrapper with a sandpaper-rasp baritone and insomnia-haunted eyes.”

“A depiction so cumbrously unvaried it induces torpor.”

“Mutually dependant outcasts.”

“Percussive and concussive.”

“Flounders into ill-lit confusion.”

“Threateningly snarling staff have the owners under their thumb in this nightmare world.”

‘The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole’ Quotes:
“I am writing this in my basement room. It overlooks the dustbins.”

“He is experienced in seaside boarding houses.”

“Everyone heard her complaining about the nylon sheets.”

“Sid Vicious was singing a filthy version of ‘My Way’ on the shop’s stereo system.”

“One tends to forget that one’s privileged.”

“He never reads books but is forced to listen to Radio Four on his car radio because the dial has jammed.”

“My father has gone back to his proletarian roots. He bought a ‘Kiss Me Quick, Squeeze Me Slowly’ hat and walked along the promenade swigging out of a can of lager.”

“Thinking my intellectual thoughts.”

“She certainly looked antagonistic.”

“Barry Kent has committed educational suicide by wearing his Hell’s Angels clothes to school. Mr Lambert pretended not to notice (Barry Kent is four inches taller than him).”

“I might be a historian if my memory improves.”

“Bert doesn’t like fresh air.”

“He is like an Ancient Mariner around my neck.”

“All the rowing and screaming.”

“It was on guard duty last night protecting our respective bodies from Stanley Gibbons.”

“Whatever you’re doing in there, stop it at once.”

‘Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years’ Quote:
“Why doesn’t Bert just die like other pensioners.”

‘Casino Royale’ Quotes:
“He celebrates by shooting up an embassy.”

“He’d have the good sense to defect.”

“I’ll have you killed.”

‘The Flash’ Quotes:
“I chose us without a second thought.”

“We’re all just pawns to you.”

“You don’t care about people at all.”

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Quotes:
“Now is not the time for fear. That comes later.”

“Not on my watch.”

“A murderous thug in a mask and cape.”

“Shrimp balls?”

9 Movie Reviews

The Muppets (2011)
Jason Segel and a curiously unattractive Amy Adams reunite the Muppets to foil exuberant ass Tex Richman (Chris Cooper). This had not overtly good musical numbers, ‘celebrity’ cameos, bad jokes and it had the fundamental value of a Katy Perry video. This was so desperate to impress the audience that it took absolutely no risk. Bring back ‘Muppet Babies’!

Best Line:
“Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!”

Shakespeare In Love (1998)

The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
An intellectual backlash.

Home Alone 3 (1997)
No innovation.

Doctor Zhivago (1965)
Ostentatious and too long.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

The Illusionist (2006)
Prettified but has no texture.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Full of missed nuances.

Book Reviews: Secrets of Foxworth + IronKissed+ Two Hundred and Twenty-One Baker Streets part 1

Christopher’s Dairy: Secrets of Foxworth by V.C. Andrews
Due to the success of the Lifetime movies, a 3 book spin-off continues the story of the Foxworth family. What would the long dead Virginia Andres think of this? This book by a male ghost-writer is both a sequel/retelling. Set some years after ’Seeds of Yesterday’, Kristin Masterwood a distant Foxworth relative visits the ruins of the once grand mansion.

Legends of the children trapped in the attic are well known so when Kristin finds a diary in the rubble, she knows the value of what she has found. It is the diary of Christopher Dollanganger and she becomes overwhelmed by the words of the so serious and up his own arse Christopher.

It is soon apparent that ‘Flowers in the Attic’ was not the whole story and that maladroit traits ran (and continue to run) in the Foxworth line and that secrets and lies still throng like worms in compost. This was gripping. Kristin has needy insecurity and the diary is filled with dead ideas, mouldy regret, a miserably intolerant grandmother, Cathy cannot keep an emotion in, the twins continue their non-characterization and the swivel eyed Corinne is the least likeable bint consumed by avarice who ever existed. The hysterical tragedy is gripping and I can’t wait to read the subsequent books ’Echoes of Dollanganger’ and ’Secret Brother’. This was very good.

Iron Kissed by Patricia Briggs
This 2008 novel is the 3rd in the ’Mercy Thompson’ saga. It has a tarty cover of an over-tattooed Mercy. This saga does not soar, it shrivels. This book is a bloated production about a skinwalker, werewolves, vampires and now the famished concept of the fae. Mercy commits acts of bourgeois anarchy, the werewolf Adam is all lumpy oppressive intense ferocity and his daughter Jesse is all precocity and cute showing off.

This chronically moribund tale was unencumbered by originality. It was an empty tasteless thing without jeopardy, frission or thrill. It was all emotionless, predictable outcomes and tropes. This book is stripped of all character and is full of terrible clichés. Adam feigns bewilderment over womenfolk being overly sensitive and over-reacting to his irrationality and violence. This book has no integrity. A bad thing happens to Mercy and it is all about Adam’s reaction. There is no thundering denouement, just slush, sentimental piffle and a de-legitimisation of Mercy’s agency.

Best Lines:
“We are noting to them. Until Christianity and good steel came along, we were short-lived playthings with a tendency to breed too past.”

“So why haven’t they killed us?”

Two Hundred and Twenty-One Baker Streets edited by David Thomas Moore, part 1
An anthology of Holmes tales across time and space does exactly what it says on the tin.

A Scandal In Hobohemia
Holmes runs a travelling show in 1930s America. Two Pinkerton agents detect a whisper of scandal and investigate. This is okay sagacity and bears a passing resemblance to the TV show ‘Carnival’.

Black Alice
Holmes and Watson are 17th century examinants looking into a witchcraft case. Excellent.

Best Line:
“You country people and your witches.”

The Adventure of the Speckled Bandana
In 1970s America, Holmes and Watson look into an audacious waxwork theft. This was an arbitrary tale with an ending of vicarious indulgence.

Best Line:
He greeted me in his habitual offhand way, by tossing a plastic specimen bag at me.”

The Rich Man’s Hand
In South Africa, Watson worries about Holmes’ manner of presentation and his contemptuous incomprehension of social norms. But then they get distracted by the horrible epithets and immorality of a protean witch. This was okay.

Best Line:
“A new diversion to prevent another crack-induced manic episode.”

The Lantern Men
Australian builders Holmes and Watson uncover a creepy secret in an old dark house in a town with brutal terms and apologists. This was a terror inducing look at a non-honey glazed hinterland. This was very good.

Best Lines:
“They were guilt on legs.”

“His disinterest in the stupid.”