December 16th, 2014

Scary Books

Book Review: Revival

Revival by Stephen King
Sadly this joins ‘Firestarter’, ‘Cujo’, ‘Christine’, ‘It’, ‘Misery’, ‘The Dark Half’, ‘Four Past Midnight’, ‘Gerald’s Game’, ‘Dolores Claiborne’, ‘Insomnia’, ‘Rose Madder’, ‘Desperation’, ‘Bag of Bones’, ‘Dreamcatcher’ and ‘Duma Key’ in the rankings of King books that don’t quite gel. When he is six years old and playing in the dirt, a shadow falls over Jamie Morton. It is 1962 and the man whose shadow falls will affect the rest of Jamie’s life. This was okay with Great American Novel type writing and growing dread only to conclude with a pretentious and esoteric ending.

Best Lines:
“Every word is a lie. They must see that.”

“Gave me a look of malevolent indifference.”

“The ivy is dead. She waits on the other side, above the broken city.”
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28 Movie Reviews

The War Of The Worlds (1953)
You can see the strings holding the Martian war machines up. Okay but unfaithful.

The Fast And The Furious (2000)

The Transporter (2002)
A dissatisfying anticlimactic tale of weary men and awfulness.

Honey I Blew Up The Kid (1992)
A debacle.

Dead Again (1991)
Reincarnation vagueness and the monotonous existential hell of being rich.

Murder By Numbers (2002)
No indelible characters in this mired in complacency puerility.

Grosse Pointe Blanke (1997)
Suboptimal ructions.

Private Benjamin (1980)
Goldie Hawn and her self help platitudes.

The Matrix (1999)
Has paled into insignificance.

Jagged Edge (1985)
Unsensational defiant blandness.

Basic Instinct (1992)
A Jabba The Hut type is not killed by Sharon Stone. Tiresome.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)
No dexterity or wit in this.

Marie Antoinette (2006)
A pretty over detailed take on off-duty hedonism.

The Exorcist (1973)

Swordfish (2001)
An epically shoutycrackers mess that leaves one psychotically bored.

There’s Something About Mary (1998)
Cats bum faced men are loopy and messianic over Mary and this film is overly pleased with itself.

Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Johnny Depp makes faces like he has a savage case of piles.

Children of Men (2006)
Manically focused and okay.

Fear (1996)
Horrible moral choices and Marky Mark has a predilection for anger.

Thelma and Louise (1991)
No sense of caring.

Goodfellas (1990)
Urban problems and the inconvenient presence of cocaine bring down the narrator.

The Cable Guy (1996)
Formalised cinematic misery with a wonderful Eric Roberts cameo.

Flatliners (1990)
A point of earnest despair.

Sleeping With The Enemy (1991)
Carried away with its own importance.

The Pelican Brief (1993)
Infantile whining and unirionically schmaltzy.

Con Air (1997)
The loud genre.

St Trinians (2007)
A worthless chore about ghastly snake teenagers.

Iron Man (2008)
Desperate for indie hipness. This is strident, overblown and the hero does three emotions and makes silly speeches.

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Americans’ season 3 promo
Interesting. What’ll become of Paige? Elizabeth is in peril! Are they finally caught?

‘Preservation’ trailer
People go off-trail whilst hunting and they’re robbed. Looks over-acted as they wander around the woods.

Best Lines:
“Alcohol and firearms.”

“Them or him?”

‘Annie’ TV spot

‘Argo’ promo
Looks good.

Best Lines:
“They die badly.”

“Burn everything.”

‘The Flash vs. Arrow’ promo
Barry’s suit is ridic.

‘Marked’ promo
An inept hitman is foiled by Stephen Fry.

Best Line:
“90% of murders do not result in death.”

I won’t read ‘Low Midnight’.

I’d like to see that old BBC one off drama from 1992 ‘The Vampyr: A Soap Opera’.

There is such a thing as Siamese fighting fish?

Refreshers - yum.
Lychees - yum.
Tobacco choc - divine.

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Gave Daniel Craig one in the arse.”

“Fiftysomething bankers in the throes of a midlife crisis would have to revert back to eloping to Dubai with the work experience.”

“Like watching two blokes having a mid-life in the Spread Eagle cark park.”

“A risk of gases from our decaying bodies building up and causing the coffins to explode.”

“You’re a horrible woman aren’t you?”

“A villa in Greece, turned out to be a disaster, a four-year epic, struggling with peacocks and rats.”

“There will be concubines, lots of concubines.”

“Over-crowded graveyards released “miasmas” of soul air from decaying bodies.”

“Aristocratic ladies out shopping in even the smartest addresses would stay in their carriages and make milliners and shop girls come out to serve them.”

“The Eastern luxury of a warm bath.”

“Gagging at the stench”

“Glutinous streets.”

“The fetid “rookery” of St Giles was ploughed through.”

“Is this another of yet mad fecking ideas?”

“You do not fit in our family.”

“A failed intellectual.”

“The smell didn’t go away for a long time because his body lay undiscovered for a week.”

“I had to learn botty-wiping.”

“Rat-infested water in our backyard.”

“Been chased down fields with slash-hooks.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“I’ll eat your hair!”

“You call that a testicle kick?”

“Bow down to our corporate overlords.”

“Such neck confidence.”

“Yoko! Yoko! Yoko! Yoko!”

“What’s a game show?”

“The fear of hearing anything new.”

“Shut your mouth, I want to do it!”

“Guitars with fish inside.”

“I also promised I’d kick heroin.”

Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I don’t have those things.”

“That’s a lie.”
“Is it?”

“You blame her for your life?”

“She has run your life in the ditch.”

“Road whore.”

“Paranoid delusions.”

“I don’t feel important to him.”

“Re-try me right there on the stage.”

“Never shut up the entire time.”

“I’d like to slap Amber to the floor.”

“All the glaring and staring.”

Ultraviolet 1x05&1x06 + Agents of SHIELD 2x09 + Person Of Interest 3x02 + Stalker 1x06 Reviewed

Terra Incognita
Church militant boss Pearse portents and is frankly a terrible human being. People are his emotional punch bags. The artistic control of this series made it quality and the tone is consistently downbeat. Things are grimly understated and there are doleful stares. Frances is increasingly sick of Michael and his moping. Angie has no niceties as there is talk about her husband Robert.

The Code V’s bring time locked coffins into the country. The CIB finally manage to capture a Code V (Corin Redgrave). Pearse and Vaughn have an incapacity for empathy. Vaughn fancies Angie but the social price of their work means nothing happens. The CIB can’t take their world view being refuted. The friendly neighbourhood vampire trope isn’t in play. Vaughn is in peril. The captured Code V talks. Pearse executed Angie’s husband and daughter. The Code V is aspirational about changing minds and it involves synthetic blood. Pearse and his skunk stripe rants about how the Code V’s cannot change.

Michael has a fax machine and runs off to meet Kirsty. His Kirsty obsession is sad and he gets suspicious that she is a Code V. Michael cries in a nightclub toilet and is undesirable, reckless and has no stoicism or raw courage. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“He died 6 years ago.”
“I don’t think so.”

“They’re in there with the curtains drawn at 15:45 in the afternoon, you work it out.”

“You sound fragile.”

“Maybe they do want peace.”

“Sad little conspiracy anorak.”

Persona Non Grata
CIB sometimes have emotional escapes. It is always a grey flat day in London. The captured Code V is in an incarceration chamber. Pearse has proof of evil and can’t see any hope of peace. Michael gets a cassette tape message, why don’t the Code V’s text? Code V’s can’t be fingerprinted. Pearse is medication non-complaint and he encourages people to despise Code V’s. There is a bleak prospect for the future. Frances feels anger, frustration and doubt regarding Michael. Pearse spews moral absolutes. Kirsty is unimpeachably common. The captured Code V goes on hunger strike and stages a dirty protest.

Kirsty finally realises the phantasmagoria around her and is beguiled with extravagant tales. The CIB act in truly disturbing fashion. The shocking aspect to Jacob’s transformation is that he likes it. I wish there’d been more of this icy drama, there was so much to follow up on. Jacob (Thomas Lockyer) gives Michael a disgraceful proposition. A poisonous atmosphere descends on the CIB. The Code V flaunts his intelligence and ingratiates. Vaughn has vituperation. Is humanity truly no longer of any use? Vaughn is done being tantalised by Angie.

Michael castigates Frances for interference and destroys her fond attachment to him. The CIB record stuff on mini-cds - but the Code V‘s voice can‘t be recorded. Pearse is tempted to switch sides. Pearse has a determination to eliminate irrelevancies. Kirsty isn’t eminently sensible. Michael stymies. Code V’s have an unfillable void and the unrelenting echo of Chernobyl is felt.

Frances is grabbed by CIB. The Code V’s plan is revealed and it’s not conductive to stability. Michael makes a misjudgement. There is death, internecine strife and no hope of co-prosperity. Only merciless intent and disillusionment. This was okay. Kirsty learns she is distant in Jack’s heart. Various people are incandescent with rage. There is brutal honesty, all remonstrance is useless and a remorseless losing battle continues. Kirsty is unreasonable, disapproving and acrimonious. The change agent leaves Michael with ultimate despair and there it ends.

Best Lines:
“Assuming he doesn’t pre-date finger printing.”

“It’s the same, only better.”

“How’s the patient?”
“Still dead.”

“They can’t die.”

“Help me.”

“He was going to come after you.”
“And maybe I would have liked him to.”

“Enough time to take over.”

“It’s their Eden Michael, we’re not invited.”

...Ye Who Enter Here
Coulson has newsreader brow and tinsel tits Skye has all the appeal of pulverised bog roll. The dogmatic demigod Avengers are more interesting than the predetermined themes, unintelligent people and moral negativity of this show and its Western liberal imagination. Simmons is slightly boring, Skye is hard faced, Coulson is boorish and Fitz is sunken eyed. Coulson has a toxic effect on every scene he’s in and can’t go full thesp. SHIELD has haughty hostility for such a motley crew.

Raina is wearisome. Agent 33 is indifferent, self-centred and increasingly hostile. Why don’t SHIELD rescue Agent 33? Why are they exclusionary and glibly oblivious to her? Skye and May know Grant killed his family and have surging anger toward him. This episode was idiotic and deplorable. Mockingbird is testy, crabby and talks in a dull monotone. SHIELD arrogantly brushed Grant aside and fiercely criticise him and are generally intolerable. I don’t care about Simmons’ anger and distress. Skye is a vulgar, entitled, pompous, aloof, soi-distant callous fake intellectual convinced of her own intellectual superiority over the rest of the human race.

Mockingbird invalidates Simmons’ valid defence. Nobody cares about Grant’s familial rage and trauma. I feel active loathing for the ‘heroes’. What is Mockingbird and her bored, disdainful expression plotting? This episode was facile, flimsy, unsatisfactory and centred on thick, spoilt, greasily lazy humblebraggers. I don’t care about the gratuitous sex or gratuitous martial arts. Hunter the liberal Oxbridge male type or the relentlessly middle class smug liberal vibe.

There is no emotional chaos, broken glamour, profundity or anything authentic in this. Fitz is a human Siri and he’s on the chirpse. Coulson’s boastful tone drowns out Simmons’ words. Fitz is uncaring, selfish, work-shy, demeaning, frivolous and makes grinding ceaseless demands. He has cast Simmons’ aside for not wanting to gobble his todger. The shallowness of this show is unbelievable, there is no moral dilemma and everything is motivated by self-gratification.

Skye has a cool response and is good for nothing. Raina coaxes and wheedles. SHIELD engages in uncivilised affray. This show debuted with too much promise and unrealistic expectations. Trip is an automaton with no justifiable claim to any human reactions. Mack is indolent. Skye has fictitious virtue and is not endearing. There is a mention of the Kree and they are not culturally benevolent. Skye pokes at the gigantic benefits plasma TV on the bus. Hydra board the bus. A SHIELD member flies with the angels. Grant smugs and has underlying purpose. He out-insanes his mentor. This not resonant and has no creative destruction. May is less edifying with each ep and Coulson dictates absolute values to other people that he himself does not observe.

Best Lines:
“Poison tree. Poison fruit.”

“Nine visual cues to put you away. Maybe ten.”

“Trying desperately hard not to look conspicuous.”
“And failing.”

“Sounds a little ‘Harry Potter’ to me.”

Nothing To Hide
Finch wears a plaid coat and Bear seems to be a different dog. HR is still after Carter. Wayne Kruger the founder of LifeTrace has fabricated need. Carter is an FTO is Laskey who is an obvious HR plant. Kruger dismisses privacy as preposterous. Shaw hmps and makes aren’t I cute faces. Organised revenge is taken on Kruger. He has no consideration and his super wicked secrets are dragged up. Kruger can’t handle being bitten by his own cruel doctrine. Laskey vomits, Kruger attacks Finch and there is an unexpected twist. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“He does that.”

“He’s a data broker.”

“Kicked out of his own company.”

“Modern elevators do not freefall Miss Shaw.”

“Turnkey revenge.”

“Just suck on the ice.”

Love Is A Battlefield
Has Jack been done a terrible injustice by his ex Amanda? No. He did her the terrible injustice. Jack wants to undo his usperation in Ethan’s life by Amanda’s toyboy Trent. A woman (Jessica Tuck) is stalked and she blames her cheating ex and his bimbo (Caity Lotz of ‘Arrow’). This is okay with bad acting, lies, violence, a twist and an ex’s crazy obsession is laid bare. ‘Scream 4’ is ripped off. Jack sob stories and Amanda is awful.

Best Lines:
“These photos don’t seem to be promoting his knowledge of massage therapy.”


“This woman is totally psychotic.”


“Whatever your grief is coughing up.

“Some horrible LA cliché.”

“This gutterhole that she put me in.”