December 2nd, 2014


Stuff of the Day

Chocolate Slice - good.
Fruit fairy cake - nice.
Lemon fairy cake - okay.
Garlic & Basil sausages smell revolting.

The city of Rabbath Ammon existed in 1200 BC, early enough to appear in the Bible and is still there.

I am reading ‘Eclipse’.

I will review ‘Person Of Interest’ season 3.

The Clarisonic looks weird.

Has Freddie Prinz Jr done anything since 1999?

‘Eclipse’ Quotes:
“A blank stare that wasn’t as half-witted as it seemed.”

“His nonsensical peasant customs.”

“I warned you about the consequences of Moonwrack.”

“No protestations of innocence would be enough to protect him.”

‘Wolf Hall’ Quote:
“He had given Anne a present of silver forks with handles of rock crystal. He hopes she will use them to eat with, not to stick in people.”

‘The Pretender’ Quotes:
“That wheezing bastard.”

“Did you glue this together?”
“Yes, all 6433 strips. After that I got bored.”

“I’m sure they’d be very interested to know they have a flesh-eating serial killer running their organization.”

“What brought you here?”
“A large cop with bad breath.”

“Then his masseuse came in and rubbed him down with oil while they were singing Shall We Gather By The River.”

“Miss Parker it’s your mother’s grave.”
“Get shovels.”

‘Tales of the Slayers’ Quote:
“God is good. And God is kind. But he’s not welcome here.”

‘The Sunday Telegraph’ Quotes:
“It turns out, it wasn’t a duffle bag. We could smell it and it was a pig on a leash.”

“I don’t want to hear about you being honest, and if you think you’re going to be sarky with me, get a better education.”

“This man seriously provoked me.”

“You’re a loathsome snob. I hope London’s black-cab drivers now boycott David Mellor. Looks like he could do with a few walks anyway.”

“Some pumped-up, pompous former Tory minister telling you how to do your job.”

“Is there a husband I can speak to?”

“You’re a sarky bastard, and you’re going to get it.”

“Scenes reminiscent of the dystopian Hunger Games trilogy were playing out.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Watch hockey fights while you eat.”

“Canadian violence!”

“Not something people really feel.”

“Nature is God’s ashtray.”

“My hair smells like hair.”

“Flaming tap water.”

“I reckon not.”

“Your shanties and lean-tos.”

“Charge the electric limo.”

“Lisa! Motorcade!”


“I’m not having a stroke am I?”

“Those scary Lisa words.”

“Worker mutating nuclear waste.”

“Pornography and nachos.”

“Our water was on fire!”

“Judge! Judge! Judge!”
“Don’t care! Don’t care! Don’t care!”

“I cast you aside for the busboys to gnaw upon.”

“Maximum huff.”

“Liberal TV shows.”

“Planet ruining monster!”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Domestic assault.”

“A cross-sectional history.”

“Render opinions about what’s going on.”

“Your last effort to save your marriage was to get a three-way.”

“It keeps happening.”

“One day she walked out the door and I regret telling her there’s the door.”

“A model of maturity.”

“The wedding ring, she sold.”

‘Sun, Sea & A+E’ Quote:
“Fight elated injuries.”

‘Neighbours’: Sonya throws self-pitying temper tantrums. Susan torments Karl. Kyle’s dad explains why he left - but is it just a belated fabrication? I speculate that Brennan is the poison pen writer - cos he is a rigorous bemusing irrelevance.

Best Line:
“Their kind of trouble.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Dodger is useless, Jason is boring whilst Sienna and Nico have perfectly flat-ironed hair. Patrick has custody of Minnie and torments Maxine like he did Anna.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: No One Gets Out Alive + Fisherman's Hope

No One Gets Out Alive by Adam Nevill
Stephanie is poor, desperate, socially disadvantaged, irascible and bears it all as a badge of affronted shame. She unwisely rents a room in a vast grotty house in an abjectly failed part of Birmingham. The landlord is full of Wagnerian rage and a worrying whiff of condescension. Stephanie, being stupid, stays and finds herself facing very old arcane secrets, dismissive treatment and uncomprehending cruelty.

The problem is Stephanie is so stupid and thus has no gripping internal conflict and all she does is stand anxiously behind doors as disconcerting events embroil her. One feels naked impatience at the irrational behaviour of the ‘heroine’, the grimacing dastardly landlord and the absurdism of the plot. Stephanie has bitter resentment at the dismantling of her pride and the reshaping of her life by the sudden surrealism of nightmare. But you don’t care as this book is an endless stream of drivel; it’s not even amusingly awful. It’s an overplayed tale of contemptuous neglect and gnomical horror that is brutally generic. I felt disengaged from the mundane depths Nevill leadenly sinks to.

Nevill did wonderful horror with ‘Apartment 16’ and ‘Last Days’ but they’re diametrically opposed by the infelicity of later books such as this, ‘Banquet for the Damned’, ‘The Ritual’ and ‘House of Small Shadows’. The 2nd half of the book is better than the 1st but that isn’t saying much.

Best Lines:
“Her constituency of the lost, the desolate and possibly their killers too.”

“And whatever tried to stop her must feel the knife.”

“Someone had tried to get out before her, using what looked like their teeth.”

“Turned to face the awful thing that had just sat up.”

“He looked at her like she was a traffic accident.”

“The ritualistic murders of the first four women at the same address when George V was on the throne of England.”

“Repellent traditions.”

“Their ghastliness explained little about what dwelled inside the building before they took up residence.”

“A Goddess that we have no name for.”

“Vestiges of an older idea.”

“Something older than the house, even the city.”

“Carried the relics of a foul God here.”

“Probably much older than Christ and had been served before the first Roman footfall on British soil.”

Fisherman’s Hope by David Feintuch
This 1996 novel was supposed to wrap the series up but didn’t. Seafort is now the Commandant of the Naval Academy and still splendiferous in the enormousness of his emo whining and lives in chaste terror of hell. Nothing can dissuade him. There is racism, flashbacks to Seafort’s cadet years, Annie is a damsel in distress and another woman is hysterical. The Fish attack earth and Seafort shows why he shouldn’t be in a supervisory position at all by sending the cadets on a suicide mission to save humanity’s abode.

Why do the Fish attack? How do they drop rocks on cities? How do they have bio weapons? Why do they have blowholes? Where are they from? We never learn, instead the Fish threat just ends in a lot of excessive capitalisations and the books turn out to be Seafort’s autobiography. This was terrible and Seafort ends up a crazy recluse. There was bizarre ‘future’ slang: orchestron motherboard, teener, uppies, freethinkers, droob and zark. Also bizarre ‘future’ moments like N-waves finally mentioned again, bizarre football teams, bomb sniffers, a Hodgkin’s vaccine, holovid coin chips, radionics, Unadilla’s, fax consoles, host fathers and host mothers.

Best Lines:
“Rebalancing was seen as shameful, and discharged patients were patronized if not ostracized.”

“New York Military command had decreed that public team sports were ipso-facto incitements to riot.”

“An insult that could cost a life if overheard.”

“I’m not going to prison for a tube of beer.”

“Society didn’t approve of wild children, and to tell the truth, neither did I.”

“School was voluntary.”

“Haircuts and clothes and making beds, about twenty times.”

“Jerries waded in with their riot sticks.”

“Vile practices.”

“How dare you interrupt a Captain!”

“Society had finally recovered from a century or more of coddling rebellious children.”

“Rumor had it that if the middies were sufficiently irked, even the shorts were dispensed with.”

“He’s da one what came back in dead ship, save Hope Nation!”

“Self contempt or no, I wouldn’t sink so low.”

“There is nothing left. Of the city. Of the...people.”


“Cleaning latrines helped me not to think, a duty from which Father Ryson eventually relieved me, over my bitter protest.”

“The greased chute to hell.”
Scary Books

Agents of SHIELD 2x07 + Stalker 1x04 Reviewed

The Writings On The Wall
A woman clearly au fait with the spray tan booth is murdered. The gang further traduce Ward and withdraw affection. Coulson sweats, carves, drops exposition, practices snootiness and is perturbed. He doesn’t have the virtuoso knowledge he thinks he does. Skye is overplayed. Tripp continues to misconstrue. A killer (Brian Van Holt) rants and carves stuff into people. Coulson and co are asses. Simmons has ripostes to Tripp’s general ignorance.

Coulson is a dreadful Director. Mockingbird exaggerates her aura. TPTB proffer banality. Hunter is dumb. Coulson lies and issues mocking rebuttals. There are boring flashbacks, CGI and Ward shaves. Skye does pratfalling. May is a boisterous ass. Tripp won’t shut up with his expressions of indelicate opinion. This episode had no adequacy at all. Coulson is disruptive, May plans murder, the sigils are not an evocative element and Coulson shows no contrition for his awful choices.

Coulson should not be Director, Ward gets away again and leaves peace offerings. Tripp has no modest eloquence, Coulson’s carving compulsion is suddenly gone and there is speechifying. This was crappy, outside the truth and with a surfeit of fistfights, curses of hatreds, fierce enemies and human beings marooned in inhumanity. The big reveal isn’t one.

Best Lines:
“No one’s looking but us.”

“Bring him in by any means necessary.”

“He’s not bluffing.”

“Dangerous psychopaths.”

“Psychic schism.”

“This isn’t life.”

“We thought you were dead.”
“Not dead. Waiting.”

“The lunatics are running the asylum.”

“Designed to revive a fallen Avenger.”

“SHIELD being run by a man that’s part alien?”

“There’s two guys trying to kill each other.”

“You want pain? Come and get some.”

“It’s a city.”

Women are pursued by a sadistic serial stalker. Jack whines, Beth is guarded and her stalker lurks. There is bad screaming and this was desultory. Jack is worldly and women are stupid and annoying. Dating sites cause issues. This show has no concision, Beth’s friend unknowingly boffs a stalker, a guy has crazy traits and Jack menaces said guy. A bad cover version of that famous Sting song plays. Beth has secrets and her stalker has a wall of crazy. This was ugh.

Best Line:
“This level of terror stalking.”