September 30th, 2014


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Bad Education’ promo
BBC3 ‘comedy’.

‘Gone Girl’ TV spot

‘Homeland’ season 4 promo

George Clooney’s wedding was tacky.

I will review season 2 of ‘The 100’.

‘Once Upon A Time in Wonderland’ was naff.

85% Dark Chocolate - intense.
Lasagne - tolerable.
Chicken Kiev - Ok.

Angel perfume is okay but Paris perfume is divine.

‘Needful Things’ Quotes:
“He further thought that when Lester got het up after a little too much necking on the porch swing, Sally probably had him do sit ups in the back yard or run a few dozen wind sprints around the house.”

“He forgot, at least for the moment, that he was planning a strenuous morning of murder and suicide.”

“Sat in his study, wearing only his underpants. The underpants were soggy.”

“This town is full of Them.”

‘Awkward’ Quotes:
“At least he’s not afraid of the toilet anymore.”

“Tell him to die.”

“Am I not worthy of love?”

‘The Infinite Sea’ Quotes:
“For the first time in ten millennia, we knew what it felt like to be prey again.”

“One of the most disorientating things about the invasion - after watching everyone you know and love die in horrible ways.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“How do you not know that you have twins?”

“No proof of pregnancy.”

“Which would kind of co-laterally validate this right?”

“Why Craigslist?”

“It would be one of the meanest things someone can possibly do.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“I was a piece of trash on the road.”

“They don’t exist.”

“Go on Facebook, there’s lots of friends there.”

“I don’t accept what you’ve just said.”

“These children never existed.”

“Nobody exists.”

“You’re worse than evil.”

“I’m not some crazy person.

“To perpetuate this idea.”

“That’s not a healthy choice at all.”

“Made a sacrificial decision.”

‘The Tomorrow People’ Quotes:
“We draw straws to see who rescues Jedikiah?”

“Stephen, you’re lurking.”

“How do you think Ultra pays for all their fancy toys?”

On ‘Neighbours’: Terese finally cracks and yells at Lauren about her blatant pursuit of Brad.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Ste and Sinead mock Sienna and Sinead ‘lets slip’ about Diane’s lies. Darren and Nancy scream at each other. Tom won’t go away. Nancy blames Darren for her affair and so Darren sleeps with Sienna, takes a selfie and sends it to Nancy. Ouch.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Margin Call + Josie and the Pussycats + Magic Mike

Margin Call (2011)
A tale of repatrimonialisation in 2008 as people are fired it’s all difficult and that is before Peter (Zachary Quinto of ‘Heroes’, ‘Star Trek‘ and ‘Star Trek Into Darkness‘) uncovers data that shows the company is about to go down in a storm of technobabble. Jared (Simon Baker of ‘Land of the Dead’) is uncooperative. Sarah (Demi Moore) is blamed. There is swearing and Sam (Kevin Space) wants to do the right thing. This low budget drama was better than ‘Boiler Room’, ‘Wall Street’ and ‘Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps’.

The 107 year old company is doomed via projected losses. The unpleasant John and his greasy hair (Jeremy Irons) plots to prevent the company’s worth plummeting via hissing and shaking his hamster jowls. Everyone is orange and while this isn’t emotionally tense it is okay. Will (Paul Bettany) accepts the persuasive projection of ruin. It is time for merciless rationality, incomprehensibility, some salutary effects and a paucity of options. I liked this.

Best Lines:
“Don’t watch.”

“They were good at their jobs, but you were better.”

“I frankly don’t even know what is you guys do.”

“It gets ugly in a hurry.”

“That’s very deep and depressing thank you.”

“How did you spend it all?”

“I don’t wanna hear this. How do you think I’ve stuck around this place so long?”

“Considerably worse.”

“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Do you?!?”

“This one is very ugly.”

“I understand. Hit it.”

Josie And The Pussycats (2001)
In this spin-off from the ‘Archie’ comics: Josie (Rachael Leigh Cook), Melody (a pre train wreck Tara Reid) and Val are a pop rock band of wannabe cool losers. After the demise of vile officious 90s style boy band Dujour (of whom the only non-crepitant member is Les(Alex Martin)) - the gang are taken on by hotshot manager Wyatt (Alan Cumming) and MegaRecords CEO Fiona (Parker Posey). Cue product placement, nonchalant comedy, cat ear hairbands and Carson Daly’s TRL being a thing. Josie has a bland love interest in Alan (Gabriel Mann of ‘Revenge’).

There are domestic violence jokes, polyester hair, 90s fashion, Josie wants her band to be exalted and then doesn’t and Wyatt is toadying and unprofessional. This was not moreish as subliminal messages are used to control the youth of America. Josie and her gang are unpleasantly sealed off from reality as they are ethereally successful and float around above the human fray infallibly protected or so they think.

This film was too po-faced and full of sneering salaciousness. It is preternaturally surreal and full of disjointed awkwardness. The characters are flat and dimesionlessness and succeed by being imperiously kooky morons without any burning ambition. This was non-compelling, non-reflective, non-mellifluous and non-transformative. This relentlessly dull film had blue eye shadow, no integrity, mocking achievements and 90s culture is derided. This flopped and didn’t redefine cinema mostly because of the self-absorbed uncharismatic gang bemoaning everything.

This was an only ab-deep tale of clashing egos, precious no-talents, betrayals, irretrievably dumb people and was a career killer for most of those involved. Everyone looks Thermaged and TPL’d to death and everyone acts totally ignorant. There is a fight and a concert and a dance party and it is all about as appealing as grout. I feel frustration with this film due to the ineptness and being inundated with cultural dictates.

Best Lines:
“Why come my limited edition Coke can has me with a goatee when everybody knows I shaved it into a soul patch for the Don’t Tell Your Poppa video?”

“First it pooed on my incense.”

“Skanky had a rock show and nobody came.”

“Enjoy the gutters Josie.”

“Bite me Bambi!”

“Make me, nose job.”

“I gotta buy a six pack of Zima.”
“Dude you don’t drink.”
“I think I should start.”

“Ever wonder why so many rock stars die in plane crashes? Overdose on drugs? We’ve been doing this a long time.”

“They are totally jerkin’.”

“Heath Ledger is the new Matt Damon.”

“The four-wheeled hell pit.”

“We managed to land the plane just fine. Unfortunately, it was in the parking lot of a Metallica show. Well, the fans beat the crap out of us.”
“Well, you don’t look too bad.”
“And I thank God every day I knew the words to Enter Sandman.”

Magic Mike (2012)
Mike (Channing Tatum) is a sleaze with no moral worth. He draws The Kid (Alex Pettyfer of ‘Tormented’) who is vertiginously stupid and with the IQ of mulch into his dour, loveless and unsavoury life of cynicism and stripping. At least that it what I think happened as 98% of the dialogue is mumbled. This is a not morally complex or effective tale of tawdriness and men in thongs (Matt Bomer, Adam Rodriguez, Kevin Nash and Matthew McConaughey)

The peripatetic strippers with bluff exteriors hiding dark desperation don’t engage and it is all farcical. Mike falls for The Kid’s sister Brooke (Cody Horn) for some reason. She is a seething mass of bile, criticism and classism who can‘t be mollified. This is a bro-comedy with overly tight shorts. Brooke never changes her facial expression, Mike wants to go legit and there is hedonism all around. The club is moving to Miami and the weak willed Kid does something stupid. This was a voraciously awful movie with duplicity, fiendishly awful people ranting about remuneration, incongruously stupid decisions, unreasonable behaviour and unprepossessing himbos. I don’t care about The Kid and his false self-assurance or Brooke and Mike’s obviously doomed hook up.

Best Lines:
“You got em off Craigslist didn’t you?”

“What did you say?”
“What did you hear?”

“The cougars will eat him up.”

“Watch out for herpes.”
Scary Books

House Of Cards 1x11 - 1x13 + Glue 1x03 + The 100 1x13 Reviewed

Chapter 11
Underwood plays the VP into quitting and re-running for Governor. Underwood has ingenuity and mesmeric conviction and seems set for triumph as his master plan becomes clear. Christina stares disbelievingly at the self-destructing Russo. Claire hangs out with the boring stagnant Adam until she relinquishes him. One wonders if Tim was the real love of Underwood’s life. Zoë is innately dumb and not so reverential of Underwood. Russo contemplates being forthright so Underwood takes care of him. Claire heads home. Underwood wants to be VP. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“He’s got no idea how to lead, no sense of respect.”

“It’s over.”
“I know.”

“I wanted to be significant.”

“Where’s Claire?”
“Not here.”

“Is your bed always so perfectly made?”
“It’s a habit I formed at military school.”

“We will never speak of it.”

Chapter 12
Russo’s buddy Paul shows up and is asked to run for the late Russo’s seat. President Walker sends Underwood to meet billionaire Raymond Tusk (Gerald McRaney of ‘Major Dad’ and ‘Jericho’). Zoë, Lucas and Janine dig into Russo’s death and other stuff. Gillian has schematic ideas. Tusk is self-contradictory and has contrariness and narrowing of reason. Underwood wants posterity. Lucas has an almost violent reaction to a revelation by Zoë. This ep was a detriment and a static experience. Tusk cozens and Underwood’s hyper civilized veneer nearly cracks. President Walker is a corrupt liar. Tusk knows all about Underwood’s hypocrisy and dishonesty and regrets not making him Secretary of State. Underwood won’t be cajoled or coldly ordered. Claire displays evident irritation and is waspish. Underwood plots a negative image for Tusk.

Best Lines:
“She could put a crack addict to sleep.”

“That’s an idiotic idea.”


“He got evicted. Shooting off his gun too much in the yard.”

“I’m being played.”

“I find it extremely offensive.”

“You dissolved that good faith.”

“Nothing about you threatens me.”

Chapter 13
Underwood plays a major hand and shows what a psychopath he is. Gillian sues Claire based on a lie. Lucas is paranoid. Claire gets introspective. Linda is drawn into Underwood’s orbit. Claire has secrets and regrets. The Zoë plotline arouses not a trace of excitement. Zoë is onto Underwood. But Underwood and Tusk come to an understanding. Underwood is made VP and promises Meechum a job in the Secret Service. This was good; I’ll be there for season 2.

Best Lines:
“What was that?”
“A faucet. It wouldn’t shut up.”

“I got death threats for a year.”

“Meechum can be trusted.”

“Keep your sob story to yourself.”

“There is no solace above or below.”

“Go to town bitch.”

Glue 1x03
Screwing, mumbling and self-justifying tossers. No, no more!

Best Lines:
“She’s the one.”
“Is she?”

“You stole someone’s life.”

We Are Grounders, part 2
Bellamy, Raven and Clarke war monger and at some point Bellamy build a little model of the camp to make war plans on. The Ark prepares to descend to the Earth. The Chancellor sacrifices himself to make that happen. The Grounders and the 100 (technically the 85) fight. Lincoln takes Octavia. Clarke is smug about the mass murder she causes. Anya is captured and the Mountain Men show up. There is a twist and this was dull. The big reveal about the Mountain Men sets up an interesting twist for season 2.

Best Lines:
“Take us home.”
“Taking us home Sir.”

“Take down the gate!”

“And then?”
“Then we close the door and pray.”
“Then pray what? That the ship keeps them out? Because it won’t.”