September 9th, 2014


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Agents of SHIELD’ season 2 promo
I want Ward to kill them all.

‘Arrow’ season 3 promo

‘Gotham’ teaser
“There will be light”. No.

‘Glee’ Quotes:
“You’re all coffee and no omelette.”

“Hillbilly parents yelping.”

“That’s a steer with six teats and no oink.”

“One girl ate a pigeon. Several others started worshipping a possum carcass.”

“Show tunes and 80s pop.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“My mother in law is a psychotic woman and a control freak.”

“She’s destroying my son’s life.”

“How far did you make it?”
“Four counselling sessions.”

“If somebody can wake up and say ‘I don’t want you anymore’, you can’t trust that.”

“He’s having teenage boys follow me.”

“I have the right to lock her in the basement.”

“He punched the baby in the face.”

“A power struggle with a 4 year old and you’re losing.”

“They may come in my room in the middle of the night and beat me in the head with a hammer.”

Joan Rivers Quotes:
“Anyone who lives with a man before she is married is an unpaid prostitute.”

“Boy George is all England needs - another Queen who can’t dress.”

‘Plague World’ Quotes:
“Most likely they were cowering in their reinforced bunkers listening to their loved ones pounding on the door with rotting fists.”

“Perhaps if she was very quiet, no one would notice her. Maybe she would get out of the call center alive.”

“Didn’t that just smack of Lovecraft?”

‘Teen Mom 2’ Quotes:
“I just think it was a wake up call to me dating Kieffer.”

“Leopard and pink.

I can recall Joan Rivers in the 1990 TV movie ‘How To Murder A Millionaire’ and she also wrote the rather good 1973 revenge comedy ‘The Girl Most Likely To...

Radio 4 has adapted ‘Good Omens’!

Tutti-Frutti Chew Bar With A Fizzy Centre - okay.

The cover for ‘Foul Deeds Will Rise’ is terrible.

I will review ‘Resistance’, ‘Legends’ and ‘Trollhunter’.

I am reading ‘Plague World’.

No ‘Iron Man 4’? Oh thank god.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Lindsey fakes a paternity test. So who is the father of her spawn? Oh who cares?

The 100 1x10 Reviewed

I Am Become Death
Raven dumps Finn - like anyone cares. Jasper is an ass. Murphy returns carrying a bio weapon. Raven is all war mongering impertinence. If the 100 weren’t so disproportionately vile, this wouldn’t be happening. Murphy is a nutter. Whiny Raven builds a bomb. Octavia won’t run off with Lincoln. There is a mention of the Mountain Men. Monty is wallpaper. The ruins of the Exodus Ship are poked around. The Grounders come. Nobody is quiet and discreet. The Grounders are right to be irate. Raven blows up a bridge. The 100 or what is left of them are all so stupid. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“You and me are going to have problems.”

“There is so much you don’t understand.”

“Why don’t you ask your new friends?”

“You’ll die here.”

“Sick is better than dead.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Broken Souls

Broken Souls by Stephen Blackmoore
The sequel to ‘Dead Things’ sees terminally miserable necromancer Eric Carter go through more harrowing experiences as a huge thug is after him. Eric also has a Death Goddess on his side which gives him durability but leads to some conflicting emotions as he tries to surreptitiously break their deal. This was a good tale of demons, magic, death gods, despair and paranormal noir.

Best Lines:
“A dead civilization marked by mass graves that no one will ever see.”

“Gods don’t die like people.”
  • Current Music
    The Edge of Glory - Lady Gaga
  • Tags
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Consenting Adults + Twister

Consenting Adults (1992)
Richard (Kevin Kline) is a bored ad jingle composer who is also an innately unintelligent haitotic who lives in suburbia with wife Priscilla (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio) who he regards as a raucous harridan. They have a daughter, Lori, but she is roundly ignored by everyone. A couple moved in next door, the bleach blonde Eddy (Kevin Spacey) forcibly befriends Richard and Richard pervs over Eddy’s wife Kay. Richard is so busy perving he overlooks Eddy’s obvious creepiness and dubiousness. It is not explained how any of these people afford their upper middle class lives.

Richard has a rapport with Kay. Nobody closes their curtains so Richard likes to stare at Kay in the bath. Foreshadowing falls from the sky in unceasing thunderbolts - no-one notices how Eddy is consciously and purposefully setting events in motion. Richard is ungrateful, dissatisfied, kind of characterless and offensively stupid even as Eddy indulges in insurance fraud and Kay is wistful. You feel nothing for Richard as he lacks all sagacity especially when Eddy proposes a night of wife swapping.

Richard has no emotional reluctance or contrition and he’s a quarrelsome acrimonious cantankerous ass. Eddy wears a Santa hat and his quiet mumbled conversations hide sour words. Everyone wears unflattering, ill-fitting attire. But one dark night Richard creeps into Eddy’s infernal dwelling and in the morning things get murkier and accusatory due to a twist.

Richard’s locked up and takes no responsibility. Priscilla wants a divorce. A PI looms. Richard sets out to prove his innocence via wrongfully accused insurance and deep hatred. He’s not incensed at his own stupidity and berates others. There is a twist and then another and then another. A cassette tape plays a plot point, Eddy is a total raving psychopath, people shout down huge mobile phones, the soundtrack is overblown and Eddy wields an Uzi. This was good with irony, Eddy being diabolical and an amusing final scene. Though you get the hint the studio cut chunks out.

Best Lines:
“We get caught up in a riot. I swear to god, a riot.”

“You are insane Eddy.”

“This is how you die.”

“The closest he could have been to his wife at the time she was killed was somewhere in the middle of the Chattahoochee National Forest.”

“Of course he killed her.”

“Get my gun, then call the police.”

“A broad in some club in Five Points sounds like some broad who got snuffed in Huntcliffe according to you, the accused snuffer.”

“Oh that poor sick bastard.”

“Oh yes he’s here.”

“He’s in the house right now.”

“Why? Because I wanted him to.”

Twister (1996)
A storm chasing estranged couple (Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton) indulge in perpetually ebullient gormlessness as they sport 90s hair and attire whilst being emotionally dishonest dunderheads. A lummox named Dusty (Philip Seymour Hoffman) trails along in their wake. The dude from ‘Men In Tights’ and ‘Saw’ is an odious cretin. A cow flies around. Helen Hunt’s character is clammy and mildly repellent and Bill Paxton’s is a drab little man. This was drivel with no emotional articulation but it had lots of swirly things.

Best Lines:
“The suck zone!”

“Who are these people?”