September 4th, 2014


Devious Maids 1x07 + The 100 1x09 Reviewed

Taking A Message
Rosie learns that Marisol the good woman has a mean streak after a one time student of Marisol’s recognises her. Marisol has a PhD and is an English professor. She and Rosie yell. Carmen is stone faced, arch and sneering. Remi’s drug storyline is tantamount to the Zammo does heroin storyline on ‘Grange Hill’. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“It’s 9 o’clock in the morning.”
“Is it?”

“It leads to emotions and other bad stuff.”

“I no work murder house!”

“I never liked you.”

“Who should I call? My friends don’t really care about me.”

Unity Day
It is Unity Day, the celebration of the day the 12 stations came together to form the Ark. There was a 13th station but it was destroyed. A bomb blows up Unity Day. Kane’s mother is among the dead The 100 whine. Diana and her plotters plan to steal the Exodus ship. Abby is stabbed. Bellamy, Raven and Japer war monger. They and Clarke are awful people. Octavia and Lincoln want to get it on. Finn conflates his importance, Diana plots and the 100 have a still. Clarke is an ass, Raven is full of enviable sneering and the workers revolt on the Ark. Clarke meets the Grounder leader Anya (Dichen Lachman of ‘Last Resort’ and ‘Dollhouse’) who has excessive eye make up and screws things up even more. Clarke learns their flares burnt a Grounder village to the ground but doesn’t care. The Exodus ship crashes and burns. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“You ruined everything!”

“We will survive! We always do!”

“You brought this on yourself!”

“Long ago when the Earth was on fire, 12 stations floated through space.”

“We could try talking to them.”
“They seem to prefer stabbing.”

“I’m going to lead you home.”

“You’re invaders.”

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Last Ship’ promo
Eric Dane looks old.

‘As Above So Below’ TV spot
Looks good.

There is going to be a ‘CHiPs’ movie?

I am reading ‘The Ripper Affair’.

‘Wiseguy’ Quotes:
“Trouble right from the cradle.”

“He sent up a bunch of greasers to get me.”

“They’re cursing your soul.”

“Don’t inhale the retail!”

“The idle rich are hard to entertain.”

‘The Ripper Affair’ Quote:
“Papist potato-crunchers.”

‘The Negotiator’ Quote:
“What do you think Sabian can do? He can’t do anything to stop this.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Leftovers + The Shadow of the Lion + This Rough Magic

The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta
Three years ago the Rapture happened and 2% of the Earth’s population vanished. Those left behind are still struggling to understand and are racked with grief, despair and futile anger. Kevin’s wife left him and joined an authoritative cult of delusional psychotics where she exists in a vacant chill. His daughter has gone introspective via drugs and sex and his son’s situation is deteriorating. Others in the community struggle intricately in their own way to deal with the anomaly their lives have become. But even as things threaten to get a lot worse and weirder, hope emerges. This was very good and inspired a TV show.

Best Lines:
“He cultivated a European distain for exercise.”

“He found it shrill and peculiar.”

“Nothing to keep her company but the frightened voice in her own head.”

“Eight Inches! I Measured It! I Even Posted Pictures On Craigslist!”

“What the experts liked to call “unfortunate outcomes”.”

The Shadow Of The Lion by Mercedes Lackey, Eric Flint and Dave Freer
The 1st in the ‘Heirs of Alexandria’ series depicts an alternate 16th century Europe full of intrigue, magic and demons. The break point between this universe and ours is that the great library of Alexandria was saved by Saint Hypatia and as result Christianity and magic co-exist.

Venice 1537 - the city is threatened by the demon Chernobog, political ambition, tensions between Pauline and Petrine branches of the church (there was no Reformation in this world), a persecution of pagans and the ancient spirit protector of Venice is awakening from its slumber. This is a doorstopper of an epic with complex intrigue and vivid characterization. This is a fantastic novel with very different ethics, cultures and world map.

This Rough Magic by Mercedes Lackey, Eric Flint and Dave Freer
The 2nd in the ‘Heirs of Alexandria’ series. In Corfu from 1538 to 1540, King Emeric of Hungary lays siege to the island. Grand Duke Jagiellon sits on the sidelines and a greater enemy than Chernobog exists and a skirmish plays out. This is another doorstopper as Corfu is defended and the primordial magic of Corfu is harnessed. This is an excellent tale of machinations and magic.

Best Line:
“Chernobog is ancient, even if the shell he inhabits - that thing that used to be the Prince Jagiellon - is still a relatively young man.”
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Movie Reviews: 21 Jump Street + Passenger 57 + The Taking Of Beverly Hills

21 Jump Street (2012)
Two high school dude bros overcome adverse incidents to become disillusioned park cops. This is an expletive filled vapid take on Johnny Depp’s old show. Jenko the perpetually stupid one (Channing Tatum) and Schmidt the fat one (Jonah Hill) go undercover as Brad and Doug McQuaid and in an aversion of responsibility, the fat one becomes a jerk ass popular kid and the dumb one becomes a smart unpopular nerd. Their boss (Ice Cube) is extremely agitated, there is dumb action and this is an overly sensationalistic take on the material. There are jokes about how high school has changed since 2005, cameos by the original show’s stars, things get problematic via sexism and an extravagance of dumbness and tripping representation. Dave Franco wanders in and out of frame, nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“Not so Slim Shady!”

“I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions and less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.”

“You want to me to beat your dick off?”

“What do I do?”
“Hit him!”

“When did I get stabbed?”

“We’re reviving a cancelled undercover police programme from the 80s and revamping it for modern times. You see the guys in charge of this stuff lack creativity and are completely out of ideas.”

“Embrace your stereotypes.”

“Do not get expelled.”

“They’re teenagers man, they’re really stupid. So you should blend right in.”

“Don’t try hard at anything.”

“Physically incapable rejects.”

“Put your tongue back in your mouth.”

“I partied with Robert Downey Jr, before he got sober!”

“Not that I can think of that would make sense.”

“If it’s good, you hear from me. If it’s not good, you hear from me about telling you how it’s not good.”

“You’re like two Hardy Boys in one.”

“You took a bullet for me man!”
“Yeah I’m feeling a little ambivalent about that right now.”

Passenger 57 (1992)
Bad dude Rane (Bruce Payne) takes over a plane because he is an intimidating lunatic. Cutter (Wesley Snipes of ‘Blade’) fails to engage as he saves the day. Flight attendant Sabrina (Elizabeth Hurley) is in on it. People in authority (Bruce Greenwood & Tom Sizemore) walk down corridors yapping. It’s not ‘Executive Decision’ or ‘Under Siege’. Local yokels bore and the moronic action looks cheap. The plot is factually impossible as there is a fairground chase, reason is degraded and destroyed and cheap vulgarities are uttered. Rane talks in a creepy monotone whilst Sabrina shows some leg and swills booze. There are fist fights, Cutter punches out Sabrina and kicks Rane off the plane. This was stupid.

Best Lines:
“You and I both know I will never see the inside of a prison.”

“I’m going to kill you during.”

“I want a raise.”

"Is your father still alive?"
"He died, violently."

The Taking Of Beverly Hills (1991)
A football hero (Ken Wahl of ‘Wiseguy’) battles ex-cops who are using a chemical spill to rob and loot Beverly Hills. A cop in on the theft (Matt Frewer) joins forces with the hero to stop the bad guy (Robert Davi). Ken Wahl and his dead speaking delivery is not memorable in this crazy stupid, unconvincing film about a mulleted moron being unintentionally funny. Lee Ving and Branscombe Richmond also star in this non stalwart effort that is an affront. There goes the neighbourhood indeed.