August 28th, 2014


Devious Maids 1x06 + The 100 1x08 Reviewed

Walking The Dog
Genevieve is robbed by her business manager. Carmen is rude to a neighbour’s chef Julie because she’s trash. Rosie bangs her boss into having a heart attack. Remi carries about a big bag of drugs. Peri is arriviste and decides to be nicer. I have no artistic appreciation for this ep. Mr Powell is not dark and enigmatic just a sleazy ostentatious ass and he is onto Marisol. Mrs Powell may like Marisol’s ill-cooked meals but that doesn’t stop her firing her. Carmen doesn’t want Sam dating Julie so does uproariously trashy stuff to break them up and bed Sam - which works. Guinevere bangs Remi’s dad Phillip (Stephen Collins) for money. Everyone has false fidelity. Marisol almost learns the extent of Mr Powell’s perversions. Michael Stafford beats Mr Powell up. The murder plot makes incremental progress.

Best Lines:
“You had an ulterior motive, I’m shocked.”

“People choose to be poor in the first place.”

“This man has given me stress. So I’m going to the spa to have Hans beat me with reeds until it goes away.”

“What happens if she stumbles onto my collection?”
“Well, first she’ll want to wash her hands.”

“I’m super naked.”

“You can put that eyebrow down.”

“It’s time to find husband number 7.”

“You pervert!”

“What a relief it will be to stop pretending that we like each other.”

Day Trip
Bellamy tries to bully the Grounder. Then he and Clarke head to an old depot near the landing side to look for supplies to help them survive winter. Clarke is on her moral high horse. A plot to kill Bellamy is plotted, badly. Finn, Clarke and Bellamy are all impediments to the show. Why is Clarke’s hair so shiny? Do they have L’Oreal down there? Octavia has no sense. The Grounder reveals his name is Lincoln. Raven is not pertinent to anything. Bellamy finds guns. Jasper and the rest of the 100 trip on nuts or something. The similarities to season 2 ‘Lost’ just keep piling up. Clarke is treated with awe-tinged respect for some reason. There is no putative bliss here. Lincoln escapes. Someone dies. Boring hallucinations are had by the 100. Bellamy and Clarke are tools and will be having sex soon. Diana is plotting. This bored.

Best Lines:
“Tell them you’re not the enemy.”
“I am.”

“Are you on something?”

“Pretty sure I ate a pinecone.”

“It’s a stick.”
“No, it’s an anti-Grounder stick.”
Scary Books

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

‘As Above So Below’ TV spot
Beneath the streets of Paris, weird stuff happens.

Low Fat Chocolate Milk Dessert - yum.
Flax Energy Bar - ok.

I am reading ‘Fortune’s Pawn’.

I will review season 1 of ‘The Last Ship’.

‘The Negotiator’ Quotes:
“I just found my partner with his head blown off alright! I don’t feel like doing this.”

“No-one’s standing behind you with a big gun.”

‘Jurassic Park’ (1993) Quotes:
“Fences are failing all over the park.”
“Find Nedry. Check the vending machines.”

“Are they heavy?”
“Then they’re expensive. Put em back.”

“No wonder you’re extinct. I’m going to run you over when I come back down.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“She was not the best wife.”

“She killed him with Hemlock.”

“Decided that they hate me.”

“A crummy wife.

Russia’s Lost Princesses’ Quotes:
“A world that vanished forever.”

“Worshipped as holy martyrs.”

“All came and went.”

“These rumours were believed.”

“An ineffectual Tsar.”

“Knew nothing of the real world beyond the palace gates.”

“The dubious Carol.”

“Bang your fist.”

“Much vaunted morality.”

“Completely unpopular.”

“Not some lunatic fringe.”

“It’s absolutely dreadful.”

“Certain malevolent influence about Rasputin.”

“Cyanide laced cream cakes.”

“No truck with any talk of reform.”

“Her dreadful advice.”

“All of this will end in disaster.”

“Look at fatty run!”

“The lowest form of plant life.”

“A human oyster.”

“A homeland they hardly knew.”

“Terribly badly educated.”

“Something terrible out there.”

‘Memoirs of an Invisible Man’ (1992) Quotes:
“Nick’s way too narcissistic to kill himself.”
“He’ll probably wash up on the shore one day all bloated and eaten by crabs.”

“I’m the one that kills people.”

“Where do they find people like you?”

“David, I will not allow you to turn this into fiasco like the one you caused in Iran!”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Theresa is back in the opening credits. Groan. Nancy is a bint. Mercedes and Carmel are leaving. Finn attacks Nancy. Everyone is complacent. Will Finn finally go down for his crimes? No, the police arrest Robbie for the attack on Nancy! Ooops.

Best Lines:
You’re sick in the head.”

“You’re done mate.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Review: Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

Bruce Springsteen’s sister kills people!
Angela (Pamela Springsteen) is a happy clappy camp counsellor who just happens to be a psycho killer due to a pathological family unit. This alleged cult classic is terrible in every way, maybe I should have watched ‘Cheerleader Camp’ instead. The acting, story and filmmaking are all bad. Angela kills various distasteful characters and is always talking to herself and looking all serial killerish. Nobody notices.

Two annoying kids stalk women with binoculars. The ‘hero’ with a mullet lumbers around. Characters are named after the members of the Brat Pack: Charlie, Emilio, T.C, Mare and Molly etc. Angela is constantly belittling people, being aggressive and volatile. People feel deep acrimony for her. Renee Estevez of ‘Heathers’ and Valerie Hartman are in this incoherent mess somewhere. This cheap mindless film does not work on any level. It is pretty ridiculous, bloated, derivative, crude and inessential. I won’t bother with ‘Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland’. I’d rather watch the 1989 ‘Leviathan’.

Best Lines:
“Like the little brat was saying.”

“He’s in Hollywood playing the dark haired girl on ‘Facts of Life’.”

“It’s a guy.”
“Not anymore.”

“He or she or whatever.”


“What a bad camper.”


“Nice girls don’t have to show it off.”

“The tit patrol.”

“Marries some jerk foot doctor.”

“Say no to drugs.”

“I found them getting high and fornicating.”

“No big loss.”

“Give me my bra!”

“A cheap disgusting act.”

“You almost broke my machete!”

“Where’d you put it?”
“If I knew that I’d have it.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Cursed Moon + Blood Bound

Cursed Moon by Jaye Wells
Book 2 of the ‘Prospero’s War’ saga saw Kate Prospero deal with her slightly bratty brother as well as a notorious uncle, a diligently negative ex, a rogue wizard and decisions that have embedded deep distrust in various relationships. This was very good; there are plots within plots, magic and a still unclear end game. I look forward to Book 3.

Best Lines:
“Wow you really got so much out of that Psych 101 class in college.”

“Who was I to judge a whore’s fashion sense?”

“Some ghosts need to remain buried for the living to have peace.”

Blood Bound by Patricia Briggs
This 2007 novel is the 2nd in the ‘Mercy Thompson’ series about the coyote walker and her gallivanting with werewolves, elves, abstemiousness vampires and whatever man she picked up in the street this week. Where are the Tri-cities? Why is Mercy so pathologically forgiving of everyone? I don’t care about Mercy’s mechanic skillz, the undiscerning Adam or the plot. Mercy isn’t like other girls she tells us: she gets dirty and wears a sheep not a cross and instinctively does everything right. The plot is negligible and I don’t care.

Best Lines:
“So far, there had been none of the rioting that had marked the fae’s exposure a few decades earlier.”

“It’s been a while since human’s believed enough in the Devil to sell their soul to him.”
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