August 12th, 2014

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘As Above, So Below’ trailer
A found footage horror about urban archaeologists in Paris. They poke around the catacombs under the city and something is down there with them. Is it hell or a monster? Looks good.

‘The Rover’ trailer

‘Intruders’ promo
New BBC2 drama with John Simm in which he has a silly accent. James Frain is in it too. Looks WTF but I’ll be there.

Best Line:
“We do die but we can return.”

Carling Black Label ad (1993)
A suave canny Brit outfoxes the German sunbed snatchers to the theme from Dambusters with his Union Jack towel. Hee.

I will review ‘Consenting Adults’, ‘Temptation’ and ‘Escape’.

Barquillo wafer = good.
Vanilla Coke = nasty and way too sweet.
Nicciolota bar = divine.

RIP Charles Keating.

I liked ‘Death To Smoochy’.

‘Psycho Bitches’ Quotes:
“What do you have?”

“Ring fence these feelings.”

“Aunty mummy and uncle daddy.”

“Naughty! Bad! Bad!”

‘Legacy’ Quote:
“Street tart.”

‘Sleeping With the Family’ Quotes:
“Did you see how spineless he was?”
“Spineless? He’s like a jellyfish.”

“All you do is cause problems.”

“He ends up acting like a jerk and trashing everybody.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“If the gun came out, something died.”

“There are a lot of remedies to that, short of shooting somebody.”
Scary Books

The Blood Queen #3 + Angel & Faith Season 10 Issue #5 Reviewed

The Blood Queen #3
I didn’t read Issues 1&2 as I couldn’t find them. The cover features a woman bent into a porny shape. Sigh. This is a tale of blood magic, two women named Elizabeth and Winnifred, a bad guy who is a creepy unpleasant scary stalker and a self obsessed bore named Jon Hunter who bloviates. This is not a dark fantasy epic. It is monomaniacal behaviour and objectification. Skip it.

Old Habits
Brandt bores, nuns die, a vampire is sick and sinister and weird stuff happens. This is all bloated and vulgar. These lower level hoodlums are the toxin of our age. No wonder I can’t get into this comic anymore.

A Touch Of Cloth III, part two + Continuum 2x04 -2x06 + Nikita 4x04 Reviewed

A Touch Of Cloth III: Too Cloth For Comfort, part two
Jack is unfeasibly galling and his and Oldman’s relationship is fraught. This was utter claptrap and creates general tedium. Oldman does sloshed roaring. Jack has blasé disregard for Oldman with whom he had sex once. Oldman is libidinous and Jack is implausibly thick. The Healery is not a death cult. There is an OTT autopsy. Tom Boss is horribly nasty and only cameos. Jack is weird and dirty. The absolutely filthy forensic pathologist sadly does not die. Jack gets progressively more unpleasant. Oldman has no emotional truth or agency and is combative. People have serious intent in darkly lit places. The obvious killer is revealed. There is more pulchritudinosity in the black and white flashbacks. This comes to an end with an utterly unnecessary hookup. This was a sad end to the saga as the uselessness and stupidity was an intrinsic un-correctable problem.

Best Lines:
“He saw her bum and everything!”

“I love harrowing. It’s a hobby of mine.”

“Not get murdered.”

“What sort of danger?”
“The dangerous kind.”

“I had the gruff, distant, uncaring father figure I’d always craved.”

“Stop using words.”

“An improbable standoff.”

“Your loin, Cloth!”

Second Skin
Kiera finds her partner from 2077 is in the ‘present’. Liber8 are indolent and have blasé regard. Alec looks like he has nidor. This was weak, ineffectual and this show is losing its integrity. So far season 2 is a disaster. Alec hangs out with Emily. Kiera chases another super suit. Various dumb characters have aggrandisement. There is bad acting. Sonya is a domineering harridan. Gardiner is grasping and interfering. Alec is sketchy and has all the charm of a prison toilet. Kiera is sombre. Gardiner gets dissed. Kiera mentions wars. This was generic with fights and yawns.

Best Line:
“You built a time travel app?”


“This again.”

Second Opinion
This ep is yet another damning indictment of the complacency of TPTB. Kiera thinks about her son Sam and his colonials v rebels game. Alec is ignoble. Kiera bewails her own infortune and has obduracy. Kellog and Alec plot. Dillon is fired and replaced by Nora Harris. Kiera is grilled by Nora and Gardiner. Alec is lazy. Kiera hallucinates a guy (Alessandro Juliani) and is out of character. Gardiner is ungracious and disparaging. Kiera has yearning for Sam. This ep has no alacrity and I felt extreme abhorrence for it. The Liber8 mole was the obvious suspect all along.

Second Truths
A freaky serial killer is on the loose. Emily plays Alec. Kellog plots. Carlos is searing. Dillon plots. I am vexed at how iniquitous this show has become. Kiera tells Carlos the truth. The serial killer has a brutish accomplice. Alec and Emily are snots. I don’t care.

Best Lines:
“There are agendas everywhere.”

“Stay sorry in the car!”

Nikita thinks she has won. Ramon (Simon Kassianides) shows up, the Shop plan WW3 or do they, Birkhoff hacks a missile, a US carrier group is in peril or is it, Sam yaps and is a dickweed. Birkhoff saves his awful father (Judd Nelson). The Shop is revealed as MDK. Pakistan looks just like Canada. Michael is an ass, Alex ditches Sam and there is an abrupt saving of the day in Dubai. This abrupt and bad, twist aside this sucked.

Best Lines:
“Who can we possibly call that would listen?”

“She thinks she won.”

“Where are you not allowed to go?”

“Did you really think it would end with either of us winning?”

“Worse than I ever imagined.”

“You have no moves left.”

“This is really every father’s dream. Watching my son launch a ballistic missile.”

Book Reviews: Finding Lost + Murder Most Unladylike + Frostbite + A Season In Carcosa part 1

Finding Lost: The Unofficial Guide by Nikki Stafford
A very enjoyable unofficial companion to seasons 1&2 that is well written and honest.

Murder Most Unladylike: A Wells & Wong Mystery by Robin Stevens
It is 1934 and there has been a murder at Deepdean School. So Daisy Wells and Hazel Wong set out with a demonic lack of restraint to solve the case. This is a good tale with deliciously caustically withering heroines, lightly touched on dark themes and a mercilessly ugly reveal. I’ll be there for Book 2 ‘Arsenic For Tea’.

Best Line:
“From the room beyond I heard a voice that sounded barely human, shouting something. It took me a moment to make out the words ‘WELLS! WONG!’.”

Frostbite by Richelle Mead
The second in the ‘Vampire Academy’ series sees the Strigoi on the attack and so the students of St Vladimir’s Academy head off to a ski resort for safety. This has teenagers doing stupid things, Rose pining for Dmitri, Rose’s bad mother showing up and vampire society crumbling some more. This was good.

Best Lines:
“A psychopathic whore.”

“That guy’s your dad?”
“That’s what my mom says.”

“Maybe it’ll stop you from dressing like a cheap whore.”

“I might as well have been working a corner as far as she was concerned.”

“None of us were safe anymore.”

“You know the others won’t be grateful. They never are.”

“Mason called Christian something that would have earned him a detention back at school.”

“He’s in college or maybe reform school. I don’t know, but he does something.”

A Season In Carcosa edited by Joseph S. Pulver, Sr, part 1
A collection of tales inspired by the iffy ‘King In Yellow’ mythos.

My Voice Is Dead
An ex-priest joins a cult. Weird.

Beyond The Banks Of The River Seine
The star of the conservatoire tells of how his rival made a masterpiece. Good.

Movie Night At Phil’s
A family watch Vincent Price star in Roger Corman’s take on ‘The King In Yellow’. Good but full of really irritating spelling mistakes.

Best Lines:
“Travis punched Mike’s face and everyone saw the merit of his request.”

“Phil started to stop him and then realized that calling 911 was the correct response.”

MS Found In A Chicago Hotel Room
A tale of a Chicago degeration. Iffy.

it sees me when I’m not looking
A hepcat jerk in NY encounters the cursed play. Iffy.

Finale, Act Two
A dull poem about Carcosa.