July 31st, 2014


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 1’ teaser
Plutarch Heavensbee speaks. The rebellion begins. This looks good even if the book sucked.

Best Lines:
“The games destroyed her.”

“I am. I will.”

‘Sharknado 2: The Second One’ trailer
Tara Reid and various other lip lasses fight sharks in NY.

Best Lines:
“It’s happening again.”

“Why are there sharks in Manhattan?”

“I gotta get a chainsaw.”

“Flaming sharks!”

Lea Michele will be on ‘Sons of Anarchy’?!?!?

Sweet Indian Spices popcorn = weird.

‘The Ref’ (1994) Quotes:
“I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.”

“You don’t have the balls.”

“You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.”

“I suppose you’ll use this drama as an excuse to have another affair. I feel sorry for the next delivery man that comes to this house!”

‘Person Of Interest’ Quote:
“Actually dead this time.”

‘CSI’ Quote:
“Welcome to my sleazy sex pad.”

‘Neighbours’ Quotes:
“She was determined to get you.”

“You conducted a deliberate campaign to undermine my marriage.”

“I lift him up, you drag him down.”

“You’re childish and you’re toxic.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I had 64 sister wives.”

“That’s not a true statement.”

‘The Stuarts’ Quotes:
“A Tudor greyhound.”

“Fell into an abyss.”

“The marriage between the Thistle and the Rose.”

“Delighted to fish in troubled waters.”

“A short ungainly man.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Maxine is menaced and beaten into marrying Patrick. Dodger is oblivious. Patrick is an inexorable bully apportioning blame. No-one notices Maxine’s fear and distress. Freddie the greasy moment killer oils his way around. Nancy and Darren are ascendant arses. Maxine misses Anne aka Mitzeee. Patrick emotionally abuses Maxine at the reception and says he’s going to beat her afterwards. Tension builds and Maxine tries to flee and an irate Patrick rips her ugly dress exposing her horrific bruises. Maxine breaks down and the truth is out but no-one listens.

Despite Maxine showing off her shoulder to ankle bruises, no one believes her and she runs off. Dennis and Blessing hide her as she plans to escape to America and Anne. The tool Dodger has antipathy and thinks she‘s lying. No-one checks on Maxine. NO-ONE. Dirk, Darren and Nancy succumb to Patrick’s rhetoric about Maxine being an attention seeking liar. They have flat apathy. Sienna tells Dodger that Patrick emotionally and physically abused her too and his response is to tantrum and call her twisted and he disowns yet another sibling. Malice and ignorance abound. Patrick tracks Maxine down, presumably to kill her and Dodger beats him up. This terrifies Maxine.

Best Lines:
“If you walk out on me now then I’ll take you home to show you the error of your ways.”
“Patrick please, the baby.”

“Patrick beats me.”

“That is me and Anne playing princess weddings.”

“He shoved me down the stairs!”

“He said he was going to drag me home.”

“Who gave her all those bruises if you didn’t?”

“I can’t spend one more minute in the same country with him!”
Scary Books

The Omega Factor (1979) 1x04 + Devious Maids 1x03 + The Americans 2x11 + True Blood 6x09 Reviewed

Drexel works on sensory deprivation, rebirthing and conditioning people to obey Morag. Crane’s brother is still a vegetable. Anne is off to Paris for a conference or so she thinks, actually she is abducted by Drexel and co to be brainwashed. She doesn’t notice. Crane looks like he oozes motor oil out of his pores and seems emotionally stunted. Various people yap about imaging. Anne and her ugly hair is in peril from men with dodgy obviously fake ‘French’ accents. People in silly outfits subject Anne to sensory deprivation and chroma-key mind control. Crane is menaced; there is infiltration, sarcasm and contempt. Drexel the alleged big bad dies and there is a close up of his signet ring that has an omega symbol on it. This was okay and what were Julia’s secrets?

Best Lines:
“She’s his mother image as well.”

“Murder by mind control.”

“It’s a British Rail sleeper not the Orient Express.”

“A weekend retreat for your fancy boys?”

“What is that a euphemism for?”

Wiping Away The Past
Marisol learns trophy wife Taylor was a prostitute who stole her former john turned husband Michael from the bitter Olivia. Gutter trash Carmen’s attempts to be a songbird plot negates all interest. Rosie needs money but her female boss continues her adherence to being a cow and her male boss fancies her. Mr Powell continues being a freak; the Powells have a warped marriage. Michael (Brett Cullen) wants to leave town. Zoila interferes in Valentina and Remi’s relationship. Zoila is a smother and still pines over her boss’ brother who dumped her years ago seeing her husband and daughter as consolation prizes. Marisol lies and learns more of Mr Powell’s secrets. He is a pimp and Flora was on his ho train. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Does it taste good?”
“It’s a German turnip.”

“People ate normal things like potatoes and corn and lard.”

“I don’t apologise to whores. And I’m not speaking metaphorically when I use that word. She’s an actual whore.”

“A lot of lonely rich friends.”

“Don’t corrupt him just to hurt me.”

“Friends? What friends?”

“Do you ever regret yours?”


“Where is East LA anyway?”
“Well you know when we’re on the freeway and you make me speed up?”

“Leaving me for hooker-Barbie.”

“He gives them as gifts to his friends.”

Anton is back in Russia. Nina has to get Stan to get Echo or she’s dead. Secrets about Kate are revealed. Philip busts out more obvious disguises to get secrets from a sick rambling scientist (Zeljko Ivanek). The Navy SEAL goes from shutting down the answering service to killing Kate. Paige rebels. Nina is doomed. The poor scientist is bitter. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“Died at the age of four from a raccoon bite. Rabies.”

“They invited him to leave.”

Life Matters
Bill and Eric are asses. Eric busts open the vampire prison and the vampires prove they are monsters as bad things happen. The vampires need to be wiped out. Mrs Newlin lives. Terry’s funeral is held and there are flashbacks to Terry doing stuff and showing off his various contradictions and attention seeking. Sookie manages to make Terry’s funeral all about her. There is bad green screen. Bill saves the vampires by giving them his immunity to sunlight. Jason stands around gloating as the vampires kill humans. Steve Newlin finally dies. Everyone is reprehensible and needs to die. This was crappy and is actually worse than ‘Melissa & Joey’.

Best Lines:
“Is that the Stackhouse girl? The weirdo?”

“You disgusting cretin.”

“I know that scream.”

“You have no future.”
Scary Books

Book Review: A Century Of Creepy Stories, part 3

“A Recluse”
A man goes to a house. Yawn.

Two Trifles
Ethereal traffic and right of way are discussed by ghosts. Not bad.

The Mortal
Ghosts speaking Ye Olde Butchered English haint. Ugh.

The Smile Of Karen
A young bride is fought over. Too long and boring.

Best Line:
“Love her a little less.”

“John Gladwin Says…”
Nothing happens.

The Hanging Of Alfred Wedham
A priest tells a story of a miscarriage of justice. Okay.

Best Lines:
“It’s a terribly dangerous thing to attempt to get into communication with the dead,”

“You told me no decent man would consort with me.”

As In A Glass Dimly
A tale of Egyptology and photography. Okay.

The Hospital Nurse
A nurse blackmails her employees. Things go badly. Okay.

The Lord-In-Waiting
Almost Lovecraft like only not good.

A Considerable Murder
A yawner.

The Lonely Voice
A dull tale of murder or something.

The Playfellow
A woman likes the family abode. Time travel takes place. Boring.

“God Grante That She Lye Stille”
A mysterious grave and a case of possession. Okay.

The Corner Shop
A dull tale of a haunting.

Shall We Join The Ladies?
Presented as one act of a play. This is a creepy excellent murder mystery.

Retro Review: Lost (2004 - 2010) Season 1 Eps 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22

3. Tabula Rasa
Jack and Hurley uncover Kate’s secret. Her tangled web of a back-story never really amounted to much. They try to mercy kill the marshal which takes two attempts. Kate’s mug shot makes her look like a crackwhore. This was good.

4. Walkabout
A boar hunt reveals a secret about Locke. Jack says they need to burn the fuselage with the 200 plus bodies inside. Locke throws a knife at Sawyer. Okay.

Best Line:
“You’ve either got very good aim or very bad aim.”

5. White Rabbit
Boone steals the water. Jack rips his shirt off and has flashbacks to his sucky parents. Good.

8. Confidence Man
Shocking secrets and brutality are provoked by Sawyer. Shannon and her sudden onset asthma bore. Good.

9. Solitary
Sayid encounters Danielle who babbles about the sickness and the Others. Hurley builds a golf course that was forgotten about a few episodes later. Sayid hears the voices in the jungle and notices the power cable going into the ocean. This was good and creepy.

10. Raised by Another
Claire has freaky dreams and is menaced by Ethan. Very good.

Best Line:
“He wasn’t on the plane!”

12. Whatever The Case May Be
Sawyer, Jack and Kate fight over a locked briefcase. A toy plane is meaningful to Kate. More Kate flashbacks show her dubious past. Very good.

13. Hearts and Minds
Boone bonds with Locke over digging up the hatch. Shannon is nasty and useless. Okay.

14. Special
Walt trails after Locke the island’s version of Jim Jones. Okay.

15. Homecoming
Claire returns. Charlie kills Ethan. The Black Rock is mentioned. Very very good.

16. Outlaws
Jeff Perry guest stars as more of Sawyer’s sordid past comes out. Okay.

19. Deux Ex Machina
The Nigerian drug smuggling plane is found. Boone sends an SOS and gets a reply. Then he receives mortal wounds in another plane crash. Locke tantrums at the hatch and a light comes on in an utterly creepy moment. This was very good.

Best Line:
“We’re the survivors of Flight 815!”

20. Do No Harm
Claire goes into labour, Locke is missing, Boone is dying and Jack freaks out in wild eyes, screaming, foaming at the mouth insanity. Excellent.

21. The Greater Good
Locke crashes Boone’s funeral. Jack screams, rants and passes out. Shannon’s angry. Good.

22. Born To Run
Kate’s past is revealed some more. Jack and Sayid learn about the hatch. Walt tells Locke not to open the hatch and tells his father they have to leave, now. Very good.
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