July 24th, 2014

Scary Books

Omega Factor 1x03+ The 100 1x03+ Devious Maids 1x02+ True Blood 6x08+ The Americans 2x10 Reviewed

Night Games
Army war games go awry or something. My interest in this show is now tangential. Crane is wondering if Department 7 are investigating weirdness or just protecting structures. But the show gives poor return as it is ineptly written and the plot is scarcely graspable. Anne is tempestuous and hag-ridden as she and Crane look into noise and mad dogs. Crane’s brother Michael is in peril and ends up in “a hysterical fugue.”

Is Michael psychic too? Was he having an affair with Julia? Anne blathers about the stone tape hypothesis and high frequency experimentation and Army live fire exercises. Crane is menaced and he rants about Drexel mind controlling people through a girl named Morag. I have no idea what he’s talking about. Anne smokes and goes on about the Hopi. Crowd control experiments in Vietnam and Northern Ireland are mentioned. Crane is convinced that Drexel has mind controlled puppets everywhere. This leads to foam flecked rage and Crane infiltrating an army base. Brainwashing is mentioned as is ESP and a possible spy in Department 7. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Nuts and cranks.”

“At night? Not a chance of that mister.”

“He was lucky to be found.”

“My brother is lying in a clinic raving like a lunatic.”

“What help have I been given? None!”

“A chain of controlled minds.”

Earth Kills
Flashbacks to a year beforehand show Clarke’s father Jake meeting his fate. In the present Jasper is dying and the 100 (down some more) mock him. The 100 are a pack of ungrateful lunatics who engage in knobbing and disparaging while being glacially cold. Clarke yaps to Charlotte who can’t act. Killer mist strikes. Octavia is stupid and her brother shouts invective. Wells, Finn and Clarke go on a seaweed quest. They find a long abounded car. Clarke will not shut up about her dead dad. But finally after a lot of gushing anecdotes she realises who really informed on Jake and it wasn’t Wells. This was dull and has about as much depth as ‘The Ex & the Why’. Oh and Charlotte’s a psycho. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“Just die already.”

“Power hungry self-serving jackass.”

“Promise me.”
“I can’t.”

“This is Earth, everything’s toxic.”

“Weakness is death here.”

Setting The Table
Carmen swims naked in her Ricky Martin like boss’ pool. She regards this gutter behaviour as her right. Marisol’s son is in jail suspected of Flora’s murder. Valentina wants Remi. Rosie learns her vile actress boss is cheating on her husband. Carmen is trash and hides naked in a piano. Marisol bends over stuff. Mr Powell is a creeper and burns Flora‘s note from 1x01. Zoila humiliates Valentina. This was dull and mediocre.

Best Lines:
“She says things like that.”

“Do you hate me?”
“Would it matter?”

“You seem like nice people.”
“No we don’t.”

“You’re wearing your smug smile.”

“You guys know how to pull off poverty. I don’t.”

“I was made to own nice things. Not clean them.”

“Either grab a rag or shut up!”

“Do they know you scrub his toilet?”

“You know how hot you are?”
“I do.”

Dead Meat
Sookie asks Warlow to do stuff for Bill. Jason is Violet’s locum blood whore. Warlow the big bad sits on his ass yapping. Werewolves fight. Sam bores. Steve Newlin bores even as he runs in a giant hamster wheel. Sookie is selfish and irresponsible, but that is a continuous thing for her. Eric and Bill have personal animus. Jessica is an incontrovertible slut who disregards Jason just like she did poor Hoyt. Violet likes her acquisition. Bill exasperates and is scathing. Sam and the pregnant Nicole declare their love. Sookie still pontificates and has an unhealthy attitude and steels herself for disappointment. There is a mention of how the books ended. Sam devastatingly rejects Sookie. Portia pops up. Sookie curses out her dead parents. There is a fight. Sarah murders someone. Eric attacks Andy’s surviving daughter. Everyone on this show should die. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“I’m talking badass medieval times Catholicism.”

“The hippie vamp.”

“You don’t drink.”
“I do now.”

“I would seriously love for this to stop.”

I caught up with this episode. The Navy SEAL shows up to place undue stress on the Jennings by hunting them. A rotary phone leads to doom. There is mention of the ISI and Afghan Tribal Regions. Gaad is smug and Elizabeth breaks out a new wig. Philip sets up a honeytrap. Paige wants to go to Fellowship Camp. The FBI looks into the family murder. The Stan/Nina/Oleg plot drags on. Elizabeth alienates Paige some more. A child has a hideous glow-worm toy. Elizabeth thinks her children are spoilt and ungrateful. Elizabeth kills a guy in a pool. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Swedish intelligence needs you.”

“That’s like, soon.”

“She comes home a Jesus freak.”

“You did some good today.”

“You can’t stop me.”
“Watch me.”

“You’re a pimp! You turned me out! God I hate you!”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Inbetweeners 2’ TV spot
Just stop.

‘The Godfather’ trilogy promo
Advertised with the line: remember when Al Pacino’s acting was understated?

‘Jamesy Boy’ promo

Lucy Lawless is in season 2 of ‘Agents of SHIELD’?

Robinsons Squash has been made hip, oh lord.

I am reading ‘A Pocket Full Of Rye’.

Gazpacho soup = yum.
Trout = uhhhh.

‘Desperate Housewives’ Quotes:
“Don’t talk dear.”

“Cats with crayons could draw more convincingly.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“This is psychotic behaviour.”

“The daughter from hell.”

“I hate my ex-wife.”

“She will probably end up with a pimp.”

“I give her money because I know what’s going to happen if I do not do it.”

“If I called you I know I was drunk.”

“A mouth on her like a 3 dollar hooker.”

“I beg like a 2 dollar prostitute.”

“I hope he’s lying.”

“What is wrong with you?”

“This is serious serious.”

‘Coven’ Quotes:
“Your friends are shiftless idiots not fit to pick the pebbles out of my tires. I don’t care what they goddam think.”

“All you do is drink beer, drive fast, and carouse with women of questionable morality.”

“A job? Me?”

“Only a prostitute or a vision-impaired Weight Watchers reject would date that anal-retentive walking lard barrel.”

“Your police file is the most extensive in the history of this campus.”

‘Neighbours’ Quotes:
“I bet you’re wearing that lingerie right now!”

“Lift up your top and prove that I’m wrong!”

“She’s not right for you. I can make you happy.”

“Please leave my house.”

“It’s your fault he’s dead.”

“No wonder he died. To get away from you.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Sam’s corruption is revealed. Joe realises that Freddie is framing him but nobody not even his own mother will listen. Lindsey the filthy unwashed bitch allows Freddie to feel her up in court in front of Joe. Sinead wears slutty attire. She needs to shop her closet. Freddie drools over Lindsey. Ziggy is thick. Patrick menaces Maxine over the wedding dress and ring. Leela and Cameron bond. Leela hates her mother because of her lies and deceit. Peri snots. Maxine is terrified of Patrick.

Best Line:
“You really are thicker than you look.”

Book Reviews: By The Pricking Of My Thumbs +Deadly Curiosities +Impact +Blood Engines +Poison Sleep

By The Pricking Of My Thumbs by Agatha Christie
From the author of ‘Dead Man’s Folly’, ‘Cat Among The Pigeons’, ‘Crooked House’ and ‘A Murder Is Announced’ comes this macabre tale of her third rate sleuths Tommy and Tuppence. The now elderly pair visit Tommy’s aged aunt Ada at her nursing home. This visit unwittingly uncovers a dark series of events long hidden. This was published and set in 1968 and the glaring sexism is even more glaring. But this was very good better than dreck like ‘The ABC Murders’, ‘Endless Night’, ‘Evil Under The Sun’ and ‘And Then There Were None’. It is a creepy tale of graves, dead children, unsolved murders, undetected murders and paranoia. It all comes to a chilling conclusion.

Best Lines:
I went to Spain once and believe me, you couldn’t get a meal before ten o’clock. Ten p.m. I ask you! Heathens!”

“Yet, sooner or later, things happened.”

“You haven’t come out of a mental home or anything have you?”

“I won’t have people coshing my wife.”

“Things had happened here.”

“There did not on this occasion seem to be any possible assailants lurking behind the tombstones.”

Deadly Curiosities by Gail Z. Martin
From the author of ‘The Summoner’, ‘The Blood King’ and ‘Dark Haven’ comes this inept boring urban fantasy about an antique store with a dark secret. This novel bears more than a passing resemblance to ‘Friday The 13: The Series’ as whining psychic Cassidy, her pet gay Teag and deux ex machina vampire boss Sorren do boring cursed antique hunting in Charleston.

This was utterly boring and my disappointment is unbrindled. Every cliché is present: ghosts, the Darke web, demons, magic and exposition. It all ends in a predictable fight against an inept bad guy with barely contained rage. The plot moves at the pace of a tranquilised brontosaurus and I just did not care.

Best Lines:
“I did not want to see the creatures making those noises.”

“Like someone who has stared into hell and found something staring back.”

“The stuff we chased could eat your soul for breakfast.”

“This guy was seriously mental.”

Impact by Adam Baker
The 4th in Baker’s apocalyptic series after the good ‘Outpost’ and ‘Juggernaut’ and the inferior ‘Terminus’. The B52 Liberty Bell is sent on a last desperate mission. But it crashes and the surviving crew are stranded in Death Valley. There is no hope of rescue and death awaits beneath the burning desert sands. This was good survival horror with zombies and gasbagging by fools with acquired situational narcissism.

Best Lines:
“Must have been hell. Battery light. No air con. Dysentery, overflowing toilets, rival family groups battling over floor space and hoarded food.”

“Bodies choking the stairwells, the corridors. Blood up the walls. Screaming.”

“The war is over. We lost. Earth belongs to the virus.”

“Lost communication. They must be out there, somewhere, under autonomous control.”

“No sign humanity ever walked the earth.”

“Tent cities, corpse-pyres, cities under martial law.”

“Personnel were left to picture dead family members bulldozed into a grave-trench, bed sheet-shrouded bodies doused with quicklime or gasoline.”

“Centuries before a person could walk the streets.”

“Things got apocalyptic.”

“Where exactly did it come from?”

“Maybe it’s been here before.”

Blood Engines by T.A. Pratt
The 1st ‘Marla Mason’ novel sees Marla the protector of Felport travel to San Francisco to stop a rival from staging a deadly coup. She meets a psychic washed up movie star, a cannibal, a snake god and lots of frogs. This was wonderful.

Poison Sleep by T.A. Pratt
The 2nd ‘Marla Mason’ novel sees a reweaver escape from the Blackwing Institute for Criminally Insane Sorcerers. It’ll take all of Marla’s cunning and magic to stop this threat. This was wonderful.

Best Lines:
“The mad sorcerer determined to sacrifice the world to a dark god that didn’t actually exist.”

“The necromancer with the Cotard delusion who believed he himself was a corpse.”