July 15th, 2014


Person of Interest 2x07 - 2x11 + The 100 (2014 - ?) 1x02 Reviewed

Leon needs help again. A surgeon is blackmailed by an evil guy (Julian Sands of ‘Warlock’) to kill a man during surgery. Her wife is in peril to motivate her. Agent Snow resurfaces again. Fusco’s dumb. The evil guy gets away and this was not even provisionally interesting.

Best Lines:
“Whatever bodily harm you wanna inflict on this guy. I’m sure he earned it.”

“The silencer poking out of his crossword section was a pretty good giveaway.”

Til Death
Finch stares at Grace and flashbacks show Finch falling for Grace. Reese has to stop the co-CEOs of a publishing company from killing each other. The couple stop hating each other due to the duo playing marriage mediator. They overcome their simultaneous hitman hiring and vow to stay together. The husband is played by Mark Pellagrino of ‘Lost’, ‘Supernatural’ and ‘The Tomorrow People’. Also Fusco has a date. This was an affront.

Best Lines:
“Teaches his followers to build car bombs in case of domestic insurgence.”

“Overindulged pseudo-intellectual.”

“I like the one we had three kitchens ago.”

A cab driver is in peril. The HR plotline drags on for no rational justification. Gangsters have psychotic meltdowns. A dude named Demon8 looms. The cab driver has screwed up self-loathing. This was the opposite of rich, deep and profound. This had no grit or intensity. There is a quest for a laptop. This was surprisingly bad and overacted.

Shadow Box
I’ve a bad impression of season 2 so far. Carter has a boyfriend. Donnelly thinks that Snow and the man in the suit are working for the Chinese and offers Carter a job in the FBI. A couple plan to take down an evil dude in a state of sustained hysteria. This was tepid and is down there with ‘Biker Grove’. Reese makes a big mistake and gets arrested.

Best Lines:
“So with HR degraded to the point of irrelevance. My team is shifting priorities back to the man in the suit.”

“What are they like?”
“Like you to be honest. Low key and vaguely menacing.”

Reese is in jail. Donnelly thinks he is Tommy Lee Jones in ‘The Fugitive’. Finch goes undercover as a maths teacher and it is revealed he was the very first hacker of the ARPANET. A snotty teenage boy annoys. The principle is awful. Maths matters. This could be an Edward James Olmos movie. A compression algorithm is created. There is an aggrieved drug dealer, a twist and another twist. This was good and Carter is given an order.

Best Lines:
“One of them is the most dangerous criminal I’ve ever pursued.”

“Picking a fight with a drug dealer?”

“Gang fights, drug searches and pregnancies.”

“Or I’ll come and find you.”

“They got to it!”

Earth Skills
It is 2232. A deformed skull hints at what humans became on the radiation soaked Earth. Jasper’s not dead. The Ark staff can’t figure out the teenagers are removing their wristbands so Kane plans a culling. The ‘100’ riot and plan knife fights. The assassin archaist Bellamy is pejorative and annoying. Octavia screams and sluts around. Finn is a coward, Clarke annoys and the Bligh like Bellamy plans to damage her. An annoying Ark zero G mechanic Raven yaps and is reckless. The chancellor makes a speech. Clarke’s mother Abby plans to escape to the Earth to stop Kane culling over 300 people. One of the ‘100’ is Raven’s brother. The Ark’s C02 scrubbers are failing. There was no likeability in this episode at all, they’re all bounders. Survival isn’t who you are; it’s who you become my ass.

Best Lines:
“Who are they?”
“What are they?”

“There are people here. Survivors.”

“The grounders should worry about us!”

“Hope isn’t enough.”

“An Exodus Ship was launched.”

“Why would they build a Drop Ship in the first place?”

“When the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn’t the last grounder.”

“They must have found this thing when they salvaged Mir III in 2102. You want me to get a 130 year old escape pod ready to stand up the inferno of re-entry in 9 days?”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and a 2006 Tape Tale

‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ trailer
This is getting over hyped.

Best Lines:
“Why do you want to save the galaxy?”
“Cos I’m one of the idiots who live in it!

‘Doctor Who’ trailer

Best Line:
“Life returns. Life prevails.”

‘Earth to Echo’ TV spot

‘Violet & Daisy’ trailer

‘The 100’ 1x03 promo
Evil mist!

Best Line:
“Weakness is death!”

‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ promo
James Franco stares.

Best Line:
“Some things aren’t meant to be changed.”

I won’t review ‘Dragon Princess’.

I will review ‘Broken Souls’, ‘The Haunted Book’, season 1 of ‘Reign’, ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’ and season 4 of ‘Nikita’.

‘Blade: The Series’ Quote:
“Give it up Daywalker!”

‘Doctor Who’ Quote:
“The Great Cobalt Pyramid is built on the remains of which Old Earth Institute?”

‘Modern Family’ Quote:
“Turtles run faster!”

‘Glee’ Quote:
“This is a baby chicken’s house.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“You can be a victim later.”

“This is fictious.”

“I’m not like this dude.”

“That was very awful.”

“I have heard ridiculous vile language coming from the backyard.”

“You’re problem creators.”

“Just so you leave.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’. Freddie is accused of Fraser’s murder cos he is stupid. Sam hates John Paul who has a good cry. Sienna’s daughter Nico is a chav who can’t act. Patrick menaces Maxine and tells her he wishes she had miscarried. Trevor is a bit of rough. Sandy thinks Joe killed Fraser. Lindsey is pregnant again. Why is Sam back in uniform? Patrick seems ready to kick Maxine around the kitchen prompting her to leave his sick ass and run to a woman’s refuge.

Best Lines:
“That stupid mare falling over.”

“They operate a safe house.”

“Keep your trashy gob shut.”

Cleared out a tape from 2006. It began with the season 1 ‘Heroes’ ep ‘Collision’ in which Peter’s hair hangs in his face, Noah acts like a sex offender and everyone dismisses Isaac as a heroin addict. Yawn.

Then came a season 1 ’Torchwood’ ep ’Countrycide’ in which Gwen is charmed by Owen's rapist act as the gang encounter cannibals. Ianto shows off his terrible acting. Gwen screams. There is bad acting and initial interest soon subsides.

Best Lines:
“They’re all involved.”

“Only in the bloody countryside.”

Then came a ’Blade: The Series’ ep ’Hunters’ during which Krista takes a shower and craves blood. This gets Blade’s goat and he growls. Chase and Charlotte yap in monotones due to injured self-esteem. A vampire serial killer from the 15th century lurks. Marcus does smell the fart acting. Lauren Lee Smith has a tiny role. This was boring.

Then finally there was another ’Blade: The Series’ ep ’Monsters’. Marcus snuck a bomb onto Charlotte’s Lear jet in a sword hilt. Charlotte and her lumbering butler don’t die. Marcus is too busy planning his pureblood massacre to care. Blade and Agent Collins meet. I don’t care about the arcane mores of the 12 vampire Houses. Blade is invariably an ass. This show is expunged from my memory. Blade stomps around the woods in leather and sunglasses and uses the term “familiar” not thrall. Blade finds it permissible to be an ass and act unconstructively. Collins has a sad back-story and dies in foreseeable fashion. Charlotte and her lumbering butler massacre, chomp and turn people until Blade kills them. Is this supposed to be a wham ep? Well it was just boring even after Blade kills Collins. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“That’s a gun not a pillow.”

“How’s that possible?”
“Does it matter?”

“They’re people.”
“Not anymore.”
To Light The Way To Bed

BookReviews: BestHorrorSix 2 +AcolytesofCthulhu 1 +BattlestarGalactica2 companion +InsideTheHub

The Best Horror Of The Year Volume Six edited by Ellen Datlow, part 2
This and ‘Lovecraft’s Monsters’ were piss and I am not sure I’ll bother with ‘Fearful Symmetries’, ‘Nightmare Carnival’ and ‘The Cutting Room’.

Bones of Crow
A woman finds giant eggs on the roof. This was intrinsically awful.

Introduction To The Body In Fairy Tales
A very creepy short poem.

The Tin House
An utterly awful tale of people paying for the sins of their ancestors.

The Fox
By Conrad Williams. A family go camping and the father’s childhood sins come back to haunt him in this unpleasant story.

Stemming The Tide
A loony and zombies and still this was boring.

The Anatomist’s Mnemonic
A man with a hand fetish seeks love. This was ugubriously rubbish.

The Monster Makers
I don’t know what the hell this indecipherable crap was about.

The Only Ending We Have
By Kim Newman. This is about the making of ‘Psycho’ and there is no historicity here as a body double hides out at a motel run by weirdoes. This was terrible.

Best Line:
“Or trust young men with twitchy smiles who liked to stuff (and mount) birds.”

The Dog’s Paw
A WTF tale of honour killings.

Fine In The Fire
Why did Peter’s golden boy brother Toby end up despised and in an asylum? It’s an ugly secret that Peter uncovers. Okay.

Best Line:
“Sometimes when a boy cries wolf, there really are teeth at his neck,”

A war story and a bad one to boot.

The Withering
A necromancer tries to save a boy. Mediocre.

Best Line:
“You are a morally repugnant individual.”

Down To A Sunless Sea
By Neil Gaiman. A short tale of loss.

Jaws Of Saturn
By Laird Barron. A middling Lovecraftian tale.

Best Line:
“We are the dream of something greater and more dreadful than you could imagine.”

Halfway Home
A plan crash reveals a secret. Good.

The Same Deep Waters As You
A good Innsmouth tale reprinted from ‘Lovecraft’s Monsters’.

Acolytes of Cthulhu edited by Robert M. Price, part 1
A collection of short stories inspired by H.P Lovecraft originally published from 1936 to 1998. The introduction is borderline incoherent.

Doom Of The House of Duryea
A man is reunited with his father and learns of their family’s vampire demon curse. This was utterly dull and derivative, so much so that the twist ending didn’t have the impact it should.

The Seventh Incantation
An SOB decides to play at Darkest Magick, his amateur foosterings lead to the inevitable. Mediocre.

From The Pits Of Elder Blasphemy
An anthropologist goes looking into worship of the Old Ones. Iffy.

The Jewels Of Charlotte
An utterly incoherent tale of Yith.

The Letters Of Cold Fire
Two magicians fight it out - magically - over a mysterious book. Very good.

Best Line:
“That name will be great in hell.”

Horror At Vecra
Two men go to Lovecraft country and one’s bad boy villainy leads to doom. Good.

Best Line:
“He used to mention They sort of reverent like.”

Out Of The Jar
A man frees a Jinni. Good.

The Earth Brain
The Earth is in a high degree of volatility. What is causing this instability? Derivative.

Best Lines:
“Travis and Skeel are dead and they’re lucky.”

“It’s a kind of rock geology’s not even heard of!”

Through The Alien Angle
A student heads off with a strange man to look at his books. Bad things happen. Dull.

Battlestar Galactica: The Official Companion Season 2 by David Bassom
This 2006 guide to the re-imagined show’s uneven 2nd season is not immersive. The interviews, photos and making of info are arbitrary and dull.

Inside The Hub: The Unofficial and Unauthorised Guide to Torchwood Season One by Stephen James Walker
This is an in-depth guide to the wildly uneven and excruciatingly predictable season 1 of ‘Torchwood’ as well as various spin off books. It is a yawner.
Scary Books

Movie Review: The Sacrament (2013)

Pray for salvation. Heaven on Earth can be hell.
I read a review of this in ‘SciFiNow’ magazine back in October 2013 and was eagerly awaiting this Eli Roth produced horror. Ti West of the disappointing ‘The House of the Devil’ wrote, edited and directed this very good movie inspired by Jonestown.

Two VICE reporters - Sam and Jake - and a photographer Patrick head to the remote community of Eden Parish where Patrick’s drug addict sister Caroline has gone to live. The Eden Parish compound is in an unnamed foreign country and it has unfriendly armed guards. The ugly American trio document Eden Parish as the leader Father makes broadcasts over loud speakers. Is Eden Parish a holiday camp from hell they ask as they film women in hot pants, scared looking children and devout old people who all big up Father.

The reporters question if the godly technology free hippie lifestyle is sustainable. Creepiness builds. Jake wears a Rambo style headband, looks like Josh Brolin and is an ass. Sam the bearded hipster whines about no phone signal. Patrick vanishes. Father is a fat old guy who dresses like Kim-Jung Il and talks in anthemia fashion. His folksy down home Dr Phil style talk moves the crowd. His dictums know how to elicit a response and Sam is caught unguarded by this.

Sam and Josh question motives and Caroline’s sobriety. Josh doesn’t really care. Caroline freaks out. Gunfire, violence, ridiculous fake blood and wrongness ensue. Things get incredibly disturbing and Sam and Josh never pause to wonder if they caused this. This was very good even if you do wonder who is filming at times.

Best Lines:
“Things have not improved.”

“This is nothing at all like the hippie commune we were expecting.”

“Father had a vision and he was of course right. And, uh, we built heaven here on Earth.”

“This is my family now.”

“I’d die before I go back.”

“Did she just call us outsiders?”

“They were born outcasts.”

“The guns we use to protect the borders.”

“One must not question that’s best for the Parish.”

“You’re in paradise, act like it.”

“Father will not let us leave.”

“They’re brainwashed and don’t even know it. They’ll do anything he asks.”

“They can’t leave!”

“Why are we chasing him?”

“Drink it up.”

“This was my home!”

“You should never have come here.”

“Why couldn’t you leave us alone?”