June 16th, 2014

Raffles&Bunny

Trailers, Quotes and a 2005 Tape Tale

‘Into The Storm’ trailer
Maybe.

‘The Purge: Anarchy’ trailer
No.

‘The Anomaly’ trailer
No

Chef’ promo
No!

‘Grace of Monaco’ promo
No!

Best Line:
“An ideal they need to protect.”

Reviews of ‘Rebecca’, ‘In The Flesh’, ’Night Terrors’, ’Devious Maids’ and ’The Sacrament’ forthcoming.

Black Cherry & Apple jam = ugh.
Mango = yum.
Dark chocolate with mint = very good.

Did a big tidy up of LJ tags.

‘The Listeners’ by Walter De La Mare is a great poem.

‘Blood Ties’ (1991) Quotes:
“Even I can only buy what’s for sale.”

“Don’t stare at them.”

‘Raffles’ Quotes:
“At last spotted that I’m not quite the common cracksman I would have him think me.”

“Drank like a fire engine.”

“He had whipped out a whacking great revolver!”
“Not at the table?”
“At the table! In the middle of his speech!”

“There was quite a panic for the moment, one fellow was saying his prayers under the table, and the waiters bolted to man.”

‘Without A Trace’ Quote:
“It’s like they almost want to be suspects.”

Hannah Weller Quote:
“When asked to stop he threatened to fight my husband.”

‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’ Quotes:
“Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”

“How’s it going Royal ugly dude?”

‘Futurama’ Quotes:
“The whole world must learn of our peaceful ways, by force!”

“Curse you merciful Poseidon!”

‘Frasier’ Quotes:
“It beats having me bum bounced back across the pond.”

“Oh my God, there’s the border! I can see the line of cars.”

“The tyranny of the blank page.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“I feel like my wife’s behaviour is going to give me a heart attack by the time I’m 35.”

“If you had a job, you wouldn’t be alone.”

“He acts like a bum.”

“If I don’t agree, my life’s a living hell.”

“Must brush teeth immediately after drinking or no sex.”

“The worst person ever.”

“You want him to fix you.”

“I don’t talk to anybody, ever.”

“Bum. Worthless loser. Trailer trash.”

“It’s an ugly contrast.”

“You cannot make her happy.”

“Stop tying.”

“It’s not their job to make you happy.”

Red Dwarf’ Quotes:
“It’ll make him look more authentic. People will think he’s got dysentery.”

“A shambolic drunken set-to.”
“Which you started.”

“I had a raw sprout.”

“Get the hacksaw.”

‘Feed’ Quotes:
“Zombies tend to surround structures on the off chance they might contain things to eat or infect.”

“Governor, you saw action in the Canadian Border Cleansing I’d expect you to understand why Alaska had to be abandoned.”

‘Raised By Wolves’ Quote:
“We get to watch telly. All day. Every day.”

‘Glee’ Quotes:
“I didn’t know ‘Backdraft’ was a musical.”

“Mr Package!”

‘Animal Rescue’ Quotes:
“Hopefully Shayne’s plan will bring Raoul and his possum out of hiding.”

“There’s been a dramatic turn in the possum case.”

“A significant worm burden.”

~
Cleared out a tape from 2005. It opened with the ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Lexmas’ in which Lex gets shot for the 500th time and his crazy dead mother gives him a vision of how his life could be. Lex hallucinates himself living a hand to mouth existence with Lana and their son Alex. Also Lana is ‘pregnant’/has a pillow shoved under her jumper. Lex is not meditative or prosaic about this stupid hallucination and finds it advantageous to discard it. He wakes up to find himself alone in a dark hospital ward at Christmas while the friends who abandoned him are at a Christmas party ignoring his plight. Clark makes moron faces and strides around. Chloe acts in a borderline offensive manner. This was spectacularly crap. Clark and his mates are ecstatic jerks. TPTB always gave Lana way too much importance and made Clark into a mad callous narcissist.

Then came the ‘SG1’ ep ‘Crusade’ in which Vala pops up to give a warning about the Ori. She’s living on an Ori world where the Ori provide tidier streets and a quasi-medieval lifestyle. Tomin debuts. TPTB wasted him and the Ori. Tomin does longing sighs, the Ori plan a crusade and Tomin’s preconceived notions can’t be broken. Anti-Ori types evince a plan, it fails. This was dull and grating. Why do so many aliens in ‘SG1’ live such anachronistic lives? Why does everyone talk in arch, ingratiating and wacky cute fashion?

Best Lines:
“Whose baby is it?”

“Evil must not be allowed to fester anywhere!”

“Gods cannot be gods without those who stand beneath them gazing upwards.”

“Risked everything to save it and smuggle it out of the city.”

“The unbelievers far away.”

Then came an ‘Invasion’ ep ‘Power’ in which the cultured aesthete Tom and the kids go on a trip. The snotty alien teenager (Elisabeth Moss) joins Tom’s private alien army. Russell stomps around, Larkin is bibulous, Mariel is conversant and a new world is envisioned. This had no joy, dignity or honour present.

Best Lines:
“Stop walking away from me!”

“Does he know that I know?”

“His office has no windows?”
“Maybe he’s a vampire too.”

Finally there was another ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Fanatic’ in which the ridiculous Jonathan Kent running for public office against Lex plotline drags on. What informed voter would vote for Jonathan who looks unlithe in a suit and has Lois Lane as a campaign manager? Lex has another crazy stalker, Clark yells at Lana for going to college and studying astronomy. Lionel bustles about and this was crap.

Best Lines:
“Nice deflection, I don’t fall for that anymore.”

“Please don’t make me finish this sentence Clark.”
Scary Books

Crisis 1x08 + Star-Crossed 1x11 Reviewed

How Far Would You Go
Meg is in peril, oh boo you whore. Finley and Suzy are told point blank that Gibson is the kidnapper. They stare in slack jawed fashion. Gibson tells a military contractor father (Arnold Vosloo) to kill Finley. Gibson is indistinguishable from the man he’s trying to destroy. Suzy can’t act, the hostage taker’s tyrannical control is broken, Mr Nash and Amber try to run and the FBI boss has a keen-on for shouting. Jonas makes an offer.

There is widespread stupidity, bad green screen, the script lacks clarity and the characters are sullen. Meg the hag blubbers about stealing Amber from Suzy, Jonas has uncertainty, Suzy is asset and talent light and no one seems to notice military contractor daddy and his mercenary army shooting the place up. The ‘Hunter’ actor is supine. This was crap. Mr Nash does something stupid and dies. Boo-hoo.

Best Lines:
“This plan was constructed to withstand catastrophic setbacks.”

“Rich but dead.”

“We have a possible parent mission in play.”

“I’m not coming back from this.”

“I will kill you with my hands.”
“Anger is good.”

“This is where the killing starts.”

“Kill everyone.”

~
Give Me A Torch
The Winter Blast dance is held. Roman is an incredibly stupid default ass. Emery, Julia and Luke are the most annoying of the lot. The half witted joke of a threat Castor crashed the ship, Terri utters yellow pack dialogue and Taylor has a pregnancy plot tacked on. The Trags act like a gang of crack dealers. The Atrians plots are barely intelligible. Grayson is dull, pious and sermonising. Sophia worries and someone tries to kill Roman.

Lucas pops up to ask Emery out in unsalient fashion. Eric informs on Grayson. Emery is a snot to Grayson. Grayson’s mad ranting Red Hawk uncle is right. Atrian homes have naff interiors and Drake’s mother is played by Louise Lombard of ‘CSI’. How sad. Castor is reactionary and yells recriminations. Emery pillories Grayson and then sees that slighting him is a bad idea so joins the new Red Hawks. There is a musical number, Drake learns about Taylor’s unborn child and Roman’s latest ‘brilliant cunning plan’ fails. This was simplistic half assed crap.

Best Line:
“Castor pays for what he has done! Tonight!”
Scary Books

Movie Review: Oculus

Oculus (2013)
This is a nasty horror tale about an evil mirror. It is not as good as ’Mirror Mirror’ but is not as bad as ’Mirror Mirror 2: Raven Dance’. Tim, a perma tanned 21 year old, gets out of the nut house and his insouciant sister Kaylie (Karen Gillan - ’Doctor Who’) drags him off to investigate the mysterious antique mirror that she believes is demonic and responsible for their parents violent deaths.

In 2002 their parents: Alan (Rory Cochrane of ’CSI: Miami’ and ’Right At Your Door’ who looks exactly like Danny Dyer) and Marie (Katee Sackhoff of ’Battlestar Galactica’) were driven into sordid, stupid sleazy madness, unironic badinage and grotty domestic violence murderousness. Kaylie blames the mirror but Tim points out all the mundane explanations. Kaylie presses on yelling about the elaborate trap she has constructed for the mirror involving cameras, lights, plants, a doomed dog and her not so clever kill switch. She vows she will expose the hated mirror and clear her family name. Failure is the only option as she has severely underestimated her foe.

This was creepy, but all dialogue is either whispered or screamed. The stultifying abrasive flashbacks verge on ridiculous like their mad dad wielding power tools and yelling at his terrified kids to stay in their room. The ending is barmier as the poorly understood threat defends itself. This was good moments like Kaylie chewing on a light bulb and bad moments like anything involving Kaylie’s bland meaningless fiancée Michael (James Lafferty from ‘One Tree Hill’ and ‘Crisis’). This was an okay but not memorable account of the undiscussable.

Best Line:
Hello again. You must be hungry.”
Raffles&Bunny

Book Review: The Black Mask

The Black Mask by E.W. Hornung
This is another collection of tales about Raffles, self declared gentleman thief.

No Sinecure
After the catastrophic events of ‘The Gift of the Emperor’, Bunny did 18 months in jail and is a social pariah whilst Raffles is presumed dead. Naturally Raffles isn’t dead and shows up to lure Bunny back into a life of crime. This was good but grim Bunny is excluded from society due to his disgrace and Raffles pretends to be an invalid and lives under self-imposed house arrest for fear of being recognised.

Best Lines:
“I had made my bed, and I could go and lie and die in it. If I ever again had the insolence to show my nose in that house, I should go out faster than I came in.”

“Then why on earth lie in bed, Raffles?”
“Because it’s better than lying in gaol.”

“I am dead, and my one terror is of coming to life again by accident. Can’t you see? I simply dare not show my nose out of doors - by day. You have no idea of the number of perfectly innocent things a dead man daren’t do.”

“Stand by me, Bunny - if there’s a row.”

A Jubilee Present
Raffles and Bunny pilfer a gold cup carrying on as if it is a schoolboy prank. Bunny does not even think of extirpating himself from Raffles’ orbit. It is lucky for them that the concept of fingerprint evidence does not exist. Good.

Best Line:
“Raffles uttered these blasphemies under his breath.”

The Fate of Faustina
Raffles shows no alteration in his behaviour, yet Bunny has resolved to stand by him again. Raffles fills in what happened in the interim between him jumping off the boat and reuniting with Bunny. This is a good sad tale of Raffles’ descent to the gutter.

Best Lines:
“Raffles must never show himself at any of the windows.”

“But what a place! Napoleon couldn’t stand it, you remember, but he held on longer than I did.”

“And that’s all I’m going to tell you about that, Bunny, cursed be he who tells more!”

“I slept in the streets. I begged. I did all manner of terrible things, rather hoping for a bad end, but never coming to one.”

“Why if I went to Scotland Yard this minute, to give myself up, they’d chuck me out for a harmless lunatic.”

The Last Laugh
Their unsuspected club, cricket and Albany days are far behind them. Now Raffles encounter with the Camorra after his ‘death’ comes back to haunt him. Okay.

To Catch A Thief
Someone is imitating Raffles’ MO. Raffles seeks out his imitator and there is no honour amongst thieves. Okay.

Best Lines:
“Not the Rational Drink fanatic?”
“Yes.”

“But this fellow’s one of themselves, with the right of entrée into houses which we would only “enter” in a professional sense.”

An Old Flame
Raffles goes burgling on a whim in his crape mask, only to run into a married woman who knows him and wants him. There is no mention of Mackenzie or Raffles‘ sister. Raffles fakes dying of typhoid to escape her. Social form is all important. Bunny is only 30. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I had sunk as low as they dig.”

“A man whose personal liberty depended on a universal supposition that he was dead.”

“Raffles could no longer show his face with perfect impunity in any quarter or at any hour.”

The Wrong House
Raffles and Bunny live together in a new set up pretending to be brothers. They ride bicycles and burgle a house, the wrong house. Bunny throttles a schoolboy into unconsciousness and various other schoolboys give chase. Good.

Best Line:
“We heard them kicking at the pantry door.”

The Knees of the Gods
The Boer war rages. Raffles and Bunny decide to do penitence on the Veldt. Or is Raffles the adrenalin junkie at it again? The duo route out a spy. Raffles is finally recognised. Bunny is wounded and Raffles is killed mid-sentence. This was okay even if Raffles death wish, acquired after Mackenzie exposed him, is finally realised.

Best Lines:
“You’re bloody liars both, but I know something else that you are.”

“You’ve simply got to come back.”
“To what?”

“The gallows-bird.”

“Hang on to that like a ferret.”

“Raffles the burglar! Raffles the society thief! Not dead after all!”

“The sentence was not finished, and never could be in this world.”