April 29th, 2014

Dollanganger

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

Penny Dreadful’ promo
No

‘Doctors’ Quotes:
“You need a good seeing to.”

“If you’re not happy, you can talk to my lawyer.”

“I’m becoming one of those women aren’t I?”

“When you get back from doing whatever it is you’re doing?”

I am back reading ‘Quintessence’ and it is turgid.

I adore chocolate brownies.
Ben & Jerry’s flavours I miss: Minter Wonderland, Blond Brownie and Rainforest Crunch.

‘Flowers In the Attic’ (book) Quotes:
“They were dust in their graves by now.”

“Sickly-looking people who were, I presumed, dead relatives of ours.”

“Who could hear us in this remote, forbidden room on the second floor, where no one came.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Fraser has been murdered (and is gone from the opening credits). TPTB’s obsession with Fraser has irretrievably lessened this show. Grace framed Trevor for the murder and he was hauled off by the cops in a flurry of dysfunction and perturbed woe. Grace is a cartoon villain. The airheads Jason and Holly bore. Jason is blackmailing Sonny over something. Its sadness time for Maxine as Patrick rubs cake over her face. And she is carrying his child. Maxine just accepts the chastisement out of desperation. Ste is staunchly boring and the single dumbest person alive. Who killed Fraser? I don’t care; it’s not exactly who killed Laura Palmer is it? I’m guardedly hoping the Patrick/Maxine plot will resolve well. Maxine’s unborn child could have Down’s syndrome. Finn tries to roofie Phoebe and Patrick ends up drinking it. Patrick twerks and falls through a window as a result. It is full on Miley Cyrus.
Scary Books

Prey part 1 + Da Vinci Demons 1x06 Reviewed

Prey (2014) part 1
ITV’s latest drama was a knock-off of ‘The Fugitive’. Marcus Farrow (John Simm) is a cop with a dumb ex-wife and two sons. The discovery of the body of a long dead wannabe crime lord and old files on floppy discs get Farrow into trouble. His bon vivant ex and her mommyrexia is killed and the riotous Farrow is the only suspect. His colleagues (none of whom seem normal) think he has motivations, luckily the police van taking him up the river crashes and he does a runner. TPTB have no talent to speak of and this was farcical. John Simm running around in a hoodie doesn’t do it for me. People are very quick to bad-mouth him and this sucked.

Best Lines:
“Love you, don’t know where that came from.”

“Nasty bastard.”

~
The Devil
Tom Riley is a charisma void as Leonardo does ‘despondency’. The Turk calls him a “sage” and blathers on about the Book of Leaves. This show is a misuse of Alexander Siddig. Clarice must have a son. The Turk tells da Vinci to look up a cartographer known as the Abyssinian. There is more blather about time travel and some double talk. Finally Leonardo and his two stupid friends head off to rescue the Abyssinian from a savage warlord called Vlad Tepes aka the Impaler. Yes that Vlad.

Leonardo builds a telescope, Lorenzo has a naked sauna with the Duke of Urbino and there are todgers everywhere. Lorenzo’s brother continues the spy hunt. ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ did a better Vlad episode than this. TPTB think this show is intricate but fail to explain how Leonardo and co got to Wallachia. Vlad III aka Dracula is a queasy, repulsive, abnormal, butchering loon who may or may not be a vampire.

Lupo is nearly drowned in the Papal Bath by the Pope. Then the Pope yells “Kiss this ring” and punches his bastard son repeatedly in the face. This was candidly awful. Vlad’s castle is full of bones, devil worship and a ’Saw’ like torture device. Is Vlad an abused child grown up into a madman? Or is he supernatural? Leonardo doesn’t care because it is all about him.

There are mutterings about curfew violations, poison and Zoroaster’s parentage. Leonardo acts like he is perfectly entitled to do whatever he likes. Vlad is an unmitigated, meticulously crazy vampire. There are rip-offs of Coppola’s ’Dracula’. Lucrezia continues to betray Leonardo even as the Vatican plan her horrible murder. Lorenzo plans a marriage alliance with the Pazzis.

There are revelations about the Book of Leaves and Leonardo’s mother, there is a tattoo, Leonardo has a realization and cue a resumption of me not caring. TPTB have the remit to interpret da Vinci’s life however they want but I feel one is exempted from having to follow the continuation of this mess. I am so disappointed in this show.

Best Lines:
“Clearly this warlord has an issue with the Ottomans.”

“Please don’t think me so inhuman that I wouldn’t give you a fighting chance. Here’s a butter knife.”

“We are too often what our fathers make us.”