The Asgard bint Lorelei takes up with a biker gang led by Rooster (Dylan Bruno of ‘Numb3rs’). The team don’t care about Deathlok and his magic leg. Fitz whines and Coulson thinks he’s wily but he’s not. Sadly Skye is not dead. Lady Sif shows up to catch Lorelei. My expectations for this show are slowly rising. Coulson doesn’t want Thor to know he is alive. There is no mention of Loki or his ‘death’.
Lorelei gets people killed and makes off with Ward. There is a mention of the Kree, events escalate, Coulson is snappy and his default setting is as a tool of immense magnitude. Ward and Lorelei go at it. Coulson tries to do ‘threatening’ and comes across as an insolent toddler. May’s face doesn’t move, Fitz is not relevant, Ward fancies Skye and Fitz gets punched out. ‘Odin’ wants Lorelei, May denounces and dumps Ward. May bristles and is spying on Coulson. This was okay but why is Skye the creator’s pet?
“He’s past help.”
“Asgardians are allies.”
“Fine doesn’t look like this.”
“I’m tired of this Rooster. Make it stop.”
“You mistake me for someone who fears you.”
Ivan (no 88)
Red has somehow found Jolene’s grave. Liz gives Tom a tacky toy. Ressler’s made an abrupt recovery from instability. Liz has no caution around Red. A hacker is after the NSA’s Project Skeleton Key. The show slowly, very very slowly advances the Tom narrative. Liz learns Jolene was of ill-repute. Liz walks in on Tom in his evil man-cave and doesn’t realise it is him even after he punches her in the face. A teenage boy is the hacker and a stalker. He is also boundlessly annoying. Why is Tom reconnoitring Liz? The stalker with a crush bores. Liz presupposes a lot of things and is a short tempered egoist. Meera’s purpose on this show has been dismantled. Everyone does dull surprise acting. This was bad and implausible. The hacker is indefatigably stupid. Could Tom be less obvious? Liz comes to a slack jawed realisation about which of the contrasting views of Tom is true.
“Should I be worried?”
“A place inhabited only by scary people and reckless teenagers.”
“You better type fast.”
“Watchpost is compromised.”
“What do you need?”
The snatch of the scientist went awry due to Mossad, now the Jennings new handler shows up to annoy. Philip gets thorny. Elizabeth visits Martha pretending to be her sister in law whilst wearing an ugly wig. Elizabeth spews lofty rhetoric to save the grubby reality of Philip and Martha’s marriage. The dishonest and craven Stan bores. Philip and the captured Mossad agent have a grindingly portentous conversation to give Philip depth and dimension. Martha is disintegrating messily and Elizabeth has to talk her out of filling in the job application form. Martha has no intrinsic worth or interest as she boasts about her porno sex with Philip.
Elizabeth has no idea of appropriate behaviour. There is no moral certainty here. Gaad is on his way out. This ep was not compelling or spine-tingling tense. Oleg gets speculative. Elizabeth gets poignant. Nina is beguiling Stan whose fondness for her bloats his egocentricity. The scientist is put on a slow boat to Russia to Philip’s callous indifference. The scientist wails unpervasively. Yawn.
“Mr KGB man.”
“What does he do?”
“Let me put on my big surprise face.”
“Your name isn’t your name is it?”
“You’re not a man. Whatever you once were, whoever you were, they trained it out of you.”
“What a nice bed you must have to sleep in at night.”
“I don’t have anything to give you.”
“Funny. I don’t think he very much wants to go.”
Leonardo dreams as his friends grave rob. Leonardo does an autopsy on the man executed in 1x01 and finds a key. Lorenzo and his mistress Donati act cruder. Leonardo’s father is disinterested in his provoking, cacophonous, undeterred, unruly, unconventional and carousing bastard son. This show tries for atmospheric but all one can wonder, is how did the prat become such a cultural symbol?
Leonardo works on a pipe organ musket for Florence and at first tastes the bitterness of failure. Nico is menaced by the Vatican’s lackey Count Riario who is mirthlessly undynamic as he shows off his Widow’s Tear device to Nico. This conspiracy view of history has no cohesive thread. Donati seems to be spying for the Vatican under duress. Riario boasts of being Sixtus IV’s bastard son. Riario and his invasive rottenness prompts acrimony. Lorenzo menaces Leonardo. Riario looks like he has lice living in his pores. The things that call themselves Lorenzo’s courtiers bore. Leonardo ponders the key and his other friend used to be Owen on ‘Being Human’. A beggar is all-knowing. Leonardo looks for a book.
The Papal guard reek of squalor. Lorenzo’s wife Clarice stands around. There are mentions of the future Sistine Chapel, bank debts, a Pisa Archbishop and provocations. Rome and Florence have antipathy. Leonardo has no ownership and deserves the scorn in which he is held. He is vacant and vacuous. The Vatican is rowdy and sordid. Lorenzo stages a floorshow at his party. This was unenthralling and full of braying by the narcissistic Leonardo. This was insufficiently stimulating despite the big reveal at the end.
“The Papal nephew and attack dog.”
“Your already compromised character.”
“Be sure to clench.”
“Would you mind skulking around making the proprietor apprehensive?”
“Well, because you reek of dishonesty.”
“You offend me.”