Labarge (Vinne Jones) is a very dangerous man over whom the Cardinal’s Guards and Musketeers fight. This leads to a contest to prove which troop is better. The Musketeers are idiots, Treville annoys and this show deteriorates every week. Constance and d’Artagnan are transparent; he picks quarrels and provokes troubles as he learns he has lost his farm to Labarge. Aramis and Porthos plan to swindle a rich widow. The quartet aren’t noble, they work very hard at whining and being toxic.
D’Artagnan yells at the Cardinal, do TPTB care at all? This show just shows up and doesn’t make an effort. The Cardinal hires Constance’s not so stupid husband. Various characters sweat and grunt. Non-messiah d’Artagnan picks a fight, the podgy Milady stalks Athos and there are endless fights. Constance is pathetic, d’Artagnan is a fool, Constance’s husband menaces after being provoked, Athos lickarses d’Artagnan, the Gascon moron is the Lana Lang of this show. He also finally is made a Musketeer. This ep sucked hard.
“I went to Gascony once; it’s full of sheep and hedges.”
“A pig wouldn’t eat that.”
“You’ll be needing a rich mistress now.”
“I do everything for you.”
“Permit me to doubt that.”
“I’m sure he was a visionary among drapers.”
“Any clandestine female companions?”
“You burned down my farm.”
“Uh, I’ve burned down a lot of farms.”
“I’m going to enjoy this.”
“Somehow I doubt it.”
“You look even more pathetic in the daylight.”