February 20th, 2014

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Guardians of the Galaxy’ trailer
WTF? Seriously, WTF?

‘The Following’ 2x06 promo

‘Falling Skies’ 3x10 promo
WTF? Where is the weary despair?

SNL ‘Disney Channel Acting School’ skit
Miley Cyrus and Kenan promise to teach loudness, disrespecting authority, pause than dis, eating than freezing, spying in a doorway, entering on a scooter and how to dress the part. This was very funny.

‘The Girl With All The Gifts’ Quotes:
“They’re going to be neck deep in rotting cannibals.”

“He’s too young to remember money.”

“These are residential streets, upmarket once, now gone to semi-ruin through a hectic month of so of looting and urban warfare followed by two decades of neglect.”

“A big refugee camp governed by real terror and artificially pumped-up optimism - like the bastard child of Butlins and Colditz.”

Reviews of: ‘The Best Horror of the Year 6’, ‘Say Her Name’, ‘Casino Infernale’, ‘Until The Twelfth of Never’, ‘One Constant Star’, ‘The Well’, ‘Dark Mirror’ and ‘Nightmare Park’ forthcoming.

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Vincent is gone from the opening credits. Freddie stares menacingly and manipulates Lindsey into thinking Joe is a lying cheating sleaze. Patrick dresses like a Bond villain. Fraser reveals to Grace that Joe isn’t dead, he is comatose. Welcome back Ayden Callaghan as Joe! Lindsey aborts Joe’s baby. Freddie really is a psycho. Joe is back in the opening credits. Fraser is a nut. Freddie gets even more psycho when Lindsey doesn’t want him. Finn gets into a quad bike accident. Freddie is pathetic and it is the Will/Dodger plotline all over again.
Scary Books

LA Law (1986 - 1994) 5x15 + Elementary 2x10 + Revenge 3x09 Reviewed

The Beverly Hills Hangers
Rikki Davis, an unfaithful trophy wife, is on trial for the murder of her 74 year old husband. The press have dubbed her “the hanging bitch”, her lover is testifying against her and there is a 26 million dollar motive. But she has two star lawyers (Harry Hamlin of ’Veronica Mars’ and John Spencer of ’The West Wing’) defending her. This show looks dated, but it has a catchy theme tune and a cast full of never quite wheres (Susan Dey, Corbin Bernsen, Alan Rachins, Jimmy Smits, Blair Underwood, Larry Drake and Amanda Donohoe). I liked this episode.

The firm’s nemesis psycho biddy Rosalind Shays (Diana Muldaur) annoys, the dead man’s lawyer Mark Chelios (John de Lancie of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’, ‘Torchwood: Miracle Day’ and ‘Breaking Bad’) has 80s hair and the dead man’s daughter lurks. There is a lot of gaudy neon and spandex on display.

Rikki’s lawyers demolish the prosecution's case and pin the murder on the daughter and Mark Chelios. Rikki is acquitted but Harry Hamlin knows things are a bit too convenient and that Chelios is not a giftedly bad lawyer. Rikki did do it and Chelios was her accomplice. It was a complicated plan involving Rikki being tried and acquitted via Chelios setting up the daughter and Rikki now being protected by double jeopardy. This was good and Harry Hamlin makes a lot of bulldog chewing a wasp faces.

Best Lines:
“Rikki Davis murdered her husband for his money.”

“I think the jury will read you as cold.”

“Proposed what?”

“I would sooner dive head-first into my own vomit.”

“Strong motive and shaky physical evidence.”

“I’ll pop the pus right out of him.”

“I refuse to answer any more questions.”

“You pulled it off.”

“Either did it or had it done.”

“I’ve completely lost you now.”

“I’m free no matter what you do.”

“I believe I’m free to go.”

Bell wants nothing to do with Holmes after Holmes is responsible for him being shot. Holmes is smug, arrogant, sneering and stubbornly still-employable by the NYPD. Watson and Holmes lie, neither show any remorse about how Holmes broke the law and provoked a man into getting violent. Holmes doesn’t see what he did wrong. This was awful.

Best Line:
“Buried within that bag of posthumous slop.”

What kind of magazine is Voulez? It does a spread on Daniel and Emily’s wedding. Sara doesn’t want to be the other woman and Lydia annoys and has ingrained smugness. Jack, Aiden and Nolan bore. Stupidity and self-interest rule. Sarah heads off, Charlotte can’t act, Aiden proposes to Emily, the French chick bores and things go awry for Emily’s dumb framing plan. This was just terrible.

Best Lines:
“This, again.”

“I’ll address it the way I see fit.”

“Momentary lapse in evil.”
Scary Books

Movie Review: Tombs of the Blind Dead

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971)
This is the 1st in the Spanish zombie Knights Templar series. It opens with ominous Latin chanting and creepy music which promises much. Sadly the focus than switches to three eurotash types who hang out by the pool in hideous 70s swimwear while talking non-stop. They head off on a steam train and then Virginia has a tantrum after some ridiculous flashbacks and jumps off the train and heads off to a crumbling citadel.

The hot pants wearing walking fashion nightmare Virginia stomps around the ruins, beds down for the night and fails to notice the rubber skeletons arising from their tombs. They wear decaying medieval cerements, ride zombie horses that also wear medieval cerements and emerge out of the shadows in slow-motion. It is very bright for the middle of the night. There is a lot of screaming and creeping. This is nether atmospheric or scary.

The other two Eurotrash types, Betty and Roger, look for Virginia in Berzano. More idiots show up to become zombie fodder. There are more flashbacks, this time to Templar perversions in the 13th century, everyone acts like their intellect has been sucked out and the zombies attack on a train. This was very, very bad and was followed by ‘Return of the Blind Dead’, ‘The Ghost Galleon’ and ‘Night of the Seagulls’. This may or may not be a sly commentary on Franco’s Spain, either way ‘La Noche del Terror Ciego’ is best avoided.

Best Line:
“She doesn’t know what she’s in for.”