January 24th, 2014

Scary Books

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

Cuban Fury’ TV spot
Nick Frost and Chris O’Dowd are unfunny.

Best Lines:
“I’ve got something that you don’t have. Do you know what that is?”
“Type 2 diabetes?”

Upcoming ‘Star Trek’ books have hideous covers.

In ‘Hollyoaks’, Jim wakes up. Dodger tells Sienna he preferred ‘The Twits’ to ‘The BFG’. Of course he did. Maxine claims her bruises were caused by the burglar. So Jason is arrested. Patrick burns all the photos of Sophie. Mitzeee must be oblivious to her sister’s pain. I honestly think Patrick will only be exposed after he kills Maxine.

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“I got a healthy bonus after suppressing Sabrina’s union movement for the 5th straight year.”

“I wouldn’t have ruined every relationship I’ve ever been in by being emotionally detached and slightly creepy.”

“I’m pretty sure that was a character flaw a group of writers created to build tension between scenes that actually mattered.”

“The big lobster escape of 09.”

“I’m sure they still very clearly remember the Be Your Own Butcher fiasco.”

“That would have worked if that stupid sheep didn’t wander out into the street with a hatchet in its back.”

“He always wanted his ashes spread in the ocean so fish would choke on him.”

“I love that little piece of trash.”

“Drew Barrymore could have done this drunk at your age.”

“I’m kind of glad we didn’t end up drinking each other’s blood.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“I don’t care if he is nailing a marriage licence to the front door and laughing in your face.”
Scary Books

Retro Review: Tales Of The Unexpected (1979 - 1988) 4x01

Would You Believe It?
This famous show had memorable blood tinged opening credits with jarring musical chords and this episode is based on the story ‘She Fell Among Thieves’ by Robert Edmond Alter. While on a dig in Jordan (actually a beach in England) two archaeologists discover a beautiful statue of a naked woman. The mean one, Tanner, decides to stash it in his van and smuggle it to Israel to sell it. The nice one Miller (Nigel Havers all hot, sweaty and blonde) is bullied into going along with it.

Rain clouds gather and then it pours and pours, Tanner cracks up and it turns out the duo really should have examined that statue much closer. Tanner’s silent anger and spite erupts into full on crazy when they arrive in Israel and all that is left of the statue is a pool of salty water. The twist that the statue was none other than Lot’s wife is a good one. Miller smokes and strolls off in stiff upper lip fashion. This was okay, poor Lot’s wife. She looked back and now is known forever as Lot’s wife. No name of her own and a terrible punishment for such a ‘sin’.

Best Lines:
“Respectable people like you and I can get on with earning our living.”

“How old do you reckon she is?”
“You got no idea how old this might be son. Doesn’t look Greek or Roman come to that.”

“Don’t give me all that stuff about this nation’s cultural heritage.”
“She does belong to these people you know.”

“I’ve been thinking.”
“Spare me.”

“The find of the century.”

“I draw the line at murder.”
“Well I don’t.”

“Whiskey and malaria, well done Tanner. Terrific combination.”

“I’d rather die that give her up.”

“The bloody rain!”

“He keeps raving about Lot’s wife.”

“What were you carrying in the truck?”
“Would you believe Lot’s wife?”

Book Reviews: Family + Midshipman's Hope

American Gothic: Family by W.T. Quick
This 1996 novel is a prequel to the short-lived TV show and shows us familiar characters in their younger days in 1972. This is a delightful tale of pulchritude and southern gothic. Lucas Buck and his father manipulate the rural poor and there are things about the Buck family that the residents of Trinity would rather not know.

The author gets the name of Caleb’s mother wrong but her life is sad, small and doomed even before Lucas starts his manipulations. Gail’s mother and a 16 year old Ben feature as does 20 year old Lucas. The who and more importantly the what of Lucas is strongly hinted at as are the eldritch abominations that lurk behind the Buck house.

This has father/son issues, manipulative friendships, twisted families, rednecks, an angry hippy and Lucas manipulates away. Everyone is vaguely disturbed by him but can’t resist him. This is a good unnerving town of a small town with a very grim secret. The author lifts the carpets of Trinity and they’re all infested with maggots.

Best Lines:
“You puke in my car, I’ll tear your head off and use your hair as a mop.”

“The Temple men tended to have a lousy life expectancy, but since they seldom bought life insurance, it wasn’t much of a concern.”

“She’s used trash.”

“She examined this gloomy thought as if it were a particulary repellent root, plucked from rotten soil,”

“I hate this town - there’s something sick here. Something rotten at its core.”

“It was, after all, Trinity, and corpses did have a way of turning up every now and then.”

Midshipman’s Hope by David Feintuch
This 1994 novel is the beginning of the seven volume (meant to be eight) ‘Seafort’ saga. It is 2194 and man (mostly men) travel to the stars under a religious theocracy run by a Eurocentric UN. Nicholas Seafort is a young officer on the UNS Hibernia. When the senior officers die in an accident, he becomes captain.

He must overcome malfunctions and mutiny as he completes the long trek to the distant colony of Hope Nation. This was an okay tale in the spirit of ‘Starship Troopers’. The disturbing society that produced Seaforth is frightening: religious fanaticism, discipline out of the Napoleonic era, child labour, a ruling elite and a deliberately uneducated and discarded feral underclass. Seafort can see no problems with his society even as he is riven with doubt and emo self loathing brought on by quasi abusive upbringing.

Best Lines:
“The Great Yahwehist Reunification after the Armies of Lord God repressed the Pentecostal heresy.”

“With the reforms of 2024, a lot of vices sort of disappeared. For example, women offering publicly to fornicate for money; you ever hear about that one?”
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