January 6th, 2014

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and a 1998 Tape Tale

‘Sherlock’ 3x03 ‘His Last Vow’ promo
WTF is up with Mycroft? The new baddie shows his hand. Something bad happens. Oh dear.

‘August: Osage County’ TV spot
WTF? Is there anything Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t in?

~
Chocolate with a wonderfully zesty Valencia orange oil set in milk chocolate and encased in crisp dark chocolate = divine.
Chocolate with an indulgent centre with almonds, hazelnuts and crunchy fulltime wrapped in smooth milk chocolate = nice.
Choc with a deliciously indulgent centre combining Brazilian honey flavoured with a hint of apricot and set in a milk chocolate shell = nice.

So in Russian the jolly fat man who hands out gifts is known as Grandpa Frost.

There will be no review of ‘Banshee’ 1x06 ‘Wicks’.

‘Doctor Sleep’ Quotes:
“Abra?”
“Yeah, they name em anything these days.”

“Remember Balloon Boy Dad? That’s apt to be you.”

“They look like people and I think the used to be people, but now they have lizardy thoughts.”

~
Cleared out a tape from 1998. It opened with a season 3 ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ episode ‘Forget Me Not’ in which a loose plot thread from the Rift Saga is tied up. Joxer featured way too much in this clip show. This episode was useless mostly due to TPTB's bizarre love of Joxer.

Then came a season 2 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ episode ‘Halloween’ in which Angel broods, Buffy wears plaid trousers, Snyder sneers and Xander won’t button his shirt. A costume shop causes issues. The enobled Buffy bores, Bullfrog look-alike Ethan (the late Robin Sachs) debuts. Spike and Drusilla are unnecessary. Oz shows up. Willow sluts it up, Xander’s infamous solider skills debut, Giles scowls and his ‘dark past’ is mentioned. This was just silly.

Then came a season 1 ‘Earth: Final Conflict’ episode ‘Destruction’ in which the alien probe returns. The resistance sit around wearing a lot of purple while talking a lot. Sandoval scows, the not yet brainwashed Joshua Doors lurks and a mercenary (Paul Johansson of ‘One Tree Hill’ and ‘Highlander: The Raven’) shows up. This was dumb and disposable with bad SFX.

Finally there was an ‘X Files’ episode ‘Bad Blood’ which was the second vampire tale the show did after the awful ‘3’.  Mulder beats up a trash can and wears an ill fitting suit as he and Scully give conflicting accounts of a case of nocturnal exsanguinations. Scully shows off her manicure. Luke Wilson guest stars as the town sheriff. Mulder is either crass or put upon. Scully is either put upon or a shrike. This isn’t as funny as it thinks it is, why is Mulder singing the ‘Shaft’ theme song? I didn’t laugh once despite a magic fingers bed, Scully doing an autopsy with a screwdriver, Luke Wilson sporting big buck teeth, a runaway RV, drugged pizza, an ancient mobile phone, glowy green eyes and Mulder fending off a vampire with sunflower seeds.

Best Lines:
“They suck goats, hence the name.”

“That’s probably it, satanic cultists. Come on Scully.”

“Get those little legs moving.”

“I did not.”

“If there’s a point Mulder, please feel free to come to it.”

“They pulled up stakes.”
JohnLock

Sherlock 3x02 Reviewed

The Sign Of Three
A critic called this show over hyped, fie a pox on thee! Donovan shows up in the teaser and somehow she is still on the police force. Lestrade rushes to Baker Street to learn Sherlock needs help with his Best Man speech. It is six months since 3x01 and John and Mary get married. Mary wears an ugly Oxfam shop reject and looks about 50. Why did Sherlock read her as a liar? John is blissfully happy with Mary and his BFF Sherlock. I am getting horrible suspicions about 3x03.

Sherlock menaces people at the wedding, John’s old commanding officer Major Sholto shows up but his sister Harry does not. Mycroft doesn’t bother to attend as he is working out while wearing a lycra tracksuit. Sherlock makes his very long Best Man speech and is more a bludgeon and less a person. The Johnlock shows through his speech, which makes me even more worried for 3x03. John is so moved by the speech he hugs Sherlock, awwwww. Thankfully the awful one sided abusive relationship from 3x01 is nowhere to be seen. In 3x01 John just fell in line and forgave like a battered spouse who was just grateful that he wasn’t going to be thrown down the stairs.

Stuff revealed during the speech: the drunken stag night, their bizarre cases, Sherlock is a graduate chemist, John was in Afghanistan for three years, Sherlock thinks about murdering people quite frequently and Sherlock more or less loves and needs John.

Things won’t be the same after the wedding. For all Sherlock getting drunk, thinking about a sitty thing and puking on a stranger’s carpet - he feels loss. He plays the violin for John and Mary’s first dance, reveals a big secret and then leaves early because he is lonely and sad. So bittersweet but good. Something really awful is going to happen in 3x03.

Best Lines:
“Do you know any funny stories about John?”

“Shut up Mrs Hudson.”

“I’ve run out.”
“Have the shops?”

“Biscuits!”

“You’re a bloody psychopath.”
“High functioning sociopath, with your number.”

“If I try and hug him, stop me.”

“Did I get it wrong?”
“No you didn’t.”

“Look at the stamp, three attempts at licking.”

“Let’s stick her by the bogs.”

“I learnt it on youtube.”

“Bum-itch.”

“He gets more death threats than you.”

“Urinating in wardrobes, bad.”

“He’s clueing for looks.”

“You should have driven faster.”

“Maggots.”
“Cool.”

“It would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot.”
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