December 23rd, 2013

Scary Books

Quotes and a 1999 Tape Tale

‘In Conquest Born’ Quotes:
“I’ll send your House a bill for the door.”

“You have one day and night to remove yourself, your possessions and this woman from my property.”

“You are the darkness we try to avoid - you! You are everything we feared in the infancy of our tradition, so terribly that we were willing to sacrifice our own children to see that you never came among us.”

~
I like Chocolate Extremist choc.

~
Cleared out a tape from 1999. It began with the 1st ever ‘Vengeance Unlimited’ ep ‘Cruel and Unusual’ in which a murder is captured on a photocopier. The murderer is acquitted when his evil lawyer (Ray Wise) puts the victim on trial. Mr Chapel shows up to offer the grieving widower (Daniel Roebuck of ‘Lost’ and ‘Nash Bridges’) some vigilante justice. KC meets Mr Chapel. This was dull.

Then there was a ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ ep ‘Mummy Dearest’ in which Herc stamps around Egypt fighting an evil mummy. This was dumb.

Best Line:
“You’re the one that’s on top.”

Then came another ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ ep ‘Redemption’ in which Iolaus is still possessed by Dahak and thus is sporting bad contacts, growling a lot and looking like he partied with Oliver Reed. Herc tries to exorcise Iolaus via some bad bad acting. This was a misfiring end to the Dahak arc.

Best Lines:
“You say kill his family as if that were a bad thing.”

“An act of mercy. You don’t know the meaning of the word.”

Then came the 2nd ‘Vengeance Unlimited’ ep ‘Victim of Circumstance’ in which a corrupt FBI profiler (Keith Szarabajka of ‘Profit’, ‘Angel’ and ‘The Dark Knight’) frames a man for murder. Mr Chapel strikes back via 90s technology and huge mobile phones. Greg Grunberg of ‘Heroes’ shows up as a chat show host.

Best Line:
“He put me back on hold!”

Then came a season 3 episode of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ entitled ‘Anne’ in which Buffy has run off to LA, she should have stayed there. Joyce is a terrible mother. Buffy fights evil things. This bored.

Best Lines:
“It’s all about egg whites.”

“If we can focus, keep discipline and not have quite as many mysterious deaths. Sunnydale is gonna rule!”

Finally there was yet another ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ ep ‘Not Fade Away’ in which Herc shows off his receding hairline, Hera sends a monster (Cynthia Rothrock) to kill Herc but it kills Iolaus instead. Nothing new there. Iolaus ends up in the underworld with Hades (the original actor) and Persephone. Iolaus reminds me of Martin Freeman. Hades wears a silly outfit; shame Xena would later murder him. Iolaus reunites with his dead awful father. Herc fights the monster a lot. Iolaus gets to live, for now. Herc’s stepfather Jason (yes, that Jason) is inept. There are moral messages all around. This was okay.

Best Line:
“It’s putting a real cramp in our love life.”
Scary Books

Movie Review: Hollow

Hollow (2011)
This UK found footage ‘horror’ is a dull unscary bore. A bunch of not trying actors playing relentlessly miserable prats drive around the countryside as part of an engagement celebration or something. They visit a ‘creepy’ tree and a dead Vicar’s house.

Everyone seems to have ire, distain and ingratitude for each other. There is muttering about suicides and a legend. James who is filming all this is a creeper and wanders around ruins filming random stuff. This is a mess of souring expectations.

Best Lines:
“She brought punch to the party and I’m pretty sure everyone else brought drugs.”

“He’s actually enjoying it.”
Scary Books

Kidnapped (1978) Review, part 2

The Stranger
Alan was heading back to France but ends up on the slave ship and finally meets David. The ship captain plots to kill Alan for his money. The cabin boy has died. Alan fights the crew and rewards David with a button. There is more bad dubbing and water being dumped on actors. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“He fought well, but he ran faster.”

“God help us if you’re wrong.”

Murder
The slave ship has been wrecked thanks to Alan’s inept navigation. Alan is a git who makes things worse. Catriona stands around. The Red Fox is killed. This was dull with bad dubbing.

Best Lines:
“They haven’t caught me yet.”

“Damn you Alan Breck!”

“You’ll be revenged!”

“Perhaps one day you’ll see fit to change your mind.”
“I can see no sign of that day dawning.”

Escape
David is insufferable as he and Alan flee the Redcoats. David harangues, interrupts, challenges and gets drunk. James of the Glen is in trouble. This was dire.

Best Lines:
“He doesn’t understand, he’s a lowlander.”

“Highlander honour cannot be taken lightly.”

Over The Highlands
Alan plays cards with a blowhard and turns out to be a gambling addict and a bad one to boot. David wants his inheritance. Catriona lurks. There is bad dubbing and Uncle Ebenezer is foiled. This was ugh.

Prestongrange
George II is King. David has his inheritance. There is bad dubbing, David annoys and Alan lurks in bushes looking for badgers. This was unwatchable.

Suspicion
Skipped this ep.

Prisoner
Skipped this ep.

The Trial
Skipped this episode.

A Far Cry
Skipped this episode.

The Choice
Too many men in loud fabrics run around. David and Catriona plan to marry. Alan realises Bonnie Prince Charlie is a git and is stuck in France. This series was a disappointment.

Best Line:
“He would like us to find suitable occupation elsewhere.”
Scary Books

Dracula 1x08 Reviewed

Come To Die
Grayson broods. Mina snoops and acts like she is on liquid hash. Lady Jane hunts vampires and learns Dracula is in London. Harker displays a lack of effort. It seems the Order has sabotaged Dracula’s business permanently. Van Helsing plots. Lady Jane reveals Dracula’s back-story to some Order members who have prehistoric attitudes.

Lady Jane dumps Grayson, Mina defriends Grayson, Davenport plots, Lucy engages in wrongdoing and Grayson tantrums. Mina is menaced, Harker is a bullyboy and someone ends up dead. Lucy gets revenge and Van Helsing does something terrible. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“May I ask a question?”
“If I told you no would it stop you?”
“Probably not.”

“I allowed a question, that does not mean I wish to answer it.”

“Folly and threat.”

“There is another one.”

“There was such a man. The texts concerning him are forbidden to all but the Dragon’s heads and their chief Huntsmen.”

“So grievous was his sin that a sentence of death was considered inadequate.”

“Created not sired, by us.”

“Who will stop me?”
“I will.”
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