December 13th, 2013


Dracula 1x07 Reviewed

Servant To Two Masters
Dracula has pathological behaviour and an inability to control his impulses. His blood craving is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Van Helsing speaks in a way that’s inappropriate. Harker has challenging, difficult behaviour. Lucy can do no right and fails to climb the fear ladder. Mina is relentlessly bleak and boring and she wears a silly bicycling outfit. Grayson wants a painting that was sacked from his father’s castle. It is of his dead wife and it is stolen. Grayson daywalks some more. Jane manipulates Lucy’s indiscretion. Grayson’s bid for respectability fails. Mina as ever looks styled by the Amish. The shunned Lucy revenge flirts with Harker. As for the goob Harker the Order of the Dragon makes a recruitment pitch offering power. This was ugh. Why is this show so boring?

Best Lines:
“Vigorously seeing to her.”

“I’ll expose you.”
“Expose what?”

“I know her type very well.”

“You wear your inexperience like a cheap rogue.”

“I will kill you for it.”
Scary Books

Book Review: Beauty

Beauty by Sarah Pinborough
The 3rd (and final?) in the series after ‘Poison’ and ‘Charm’. It is actually a prequel to those books as the Huntsman and the not yet corrupt Prince go on an adventure. They find Sleeping Beauty and encounter the Beast, Red Riding Hood, Rumplestiltskin and hear the tale of Rapunzel. This is not as good as the other two books in the series and the sex, violence and decadence quota is upped.

Best Line:
“Domino died three years later on the first dark day.”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Revenge’ season 3 promo

‘Dracula’ 1x08 promo

I like the poster for ‘The Following’ season 2.

I like Butterscotch choc and lemon meringue pie.
Caramel choc = okay.

The 4th season of ‘Nikita’ is only 6 episodes? Boo!

Review of ‘Rogue’ forthcoming.

‘The Following’ deleted scenes quotes:
“Why do you think everyone hates you?”

“Why did you give up teaching?”
“Because you killed 14 students at the school where I taught.”

‘Betrayal’ Quote:
“I’m estranged from everyone who ever loved me. And all those people you hurt, they never forgive you. They might say they do. No, they never get over it.”

‘Glee’ Quotes:
“I just had a sex dream about you.”

“You were conceived on a pinball machine.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Suspects for what? We don’t know what’s happened.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’, Fraser is the father of Tegan’s daughter Rose. The Lomax clan did indeed name their daughters and granddaughter after ‘Doctor Who’ companions. Tilly and Esther’s romance falls apart. Fraser raised Trevor, which explains a lot. Tom is 13 and acts like he’s 7. Patrick locked Sienna in the basement when she was 13 - how very ‘Flowers in the Attic’. Patrick is as mad as Sienna is. Chloe annoys. Sam the only cop in Chester is oblivious to her bisexual husband and gets suspended after Trevor provokes her into attacking him in a police interrogation room.

Jack is no fluffy old man and Frankie is a bustling busybody who is opinionated and curmudgeonly. Nancy attacks Sienna at her engagement party and rips her dress off revealing her fake baby bump and rock hard abs. Cue hysterical dropped jaws.

Best Line:
“Sienna! Get back here and explain yourself!”
Scary Books

The Following 1x08 - 1x11 Reviewed

Welcome Home
Joey is so stupid he deserves to be of no concern to anyone. Emma is not the calculating being she thinks she is. The cult now resides in a mansion. The FBI idiots get a supervisor named Donovan. The hick Roderick shows up and he is a Sheriff. Flashbacks reveal he was Joe’s first cultist and was Joe’s unknown accomplice in the original murder spree.

David the crazy captured cultist kills himself via a 1960s CIA method. Weston gets sent to his room by Donovan (no really) and the cultists grab him. Emma desperately hurls herself at the vicious, lunatic Joe. Weston gets battered by the cult. Joe kills a cultist. This was dire; I don’t care for the idiot unscary ugly Roderick or the Anna Torv wannabe Louise.

Best Lines:
“I’ll be in the other room. Consulting.”

“Nobody likes me.”
“Well, you’re inconsistent and extreme.”

“He’s paraphrasing Ted Bundy.”
“Very poorly I might add.”

Love Hurts
Donovan annoys. Jacob hides out at his parent’s summer home which is a mcmansion. Jacob has daddy issues. His mommy tends to the sepsis riddled Paul and does not call the cops on her insane son. I’m already sick of Roderick.

Joe talks too much. The cultists kill women named Claire Matthews. One Claire Matthews is so stupid, it is mortifying. New cultist Amanda is interesting, she has a weapons fetish. Roderick mocks Emma. Jacobs finally kills for the first time. There is death, an arrest and a reunion. Flashbacks show a nerdy Paul, an extremely resentable Emma and who Paul’s first ever murder victim was and how he bonded with Jacob.

Best Lines:
“I could smell it on my sheets.”

“I took a shotgun to both of them.”

“So I went to a hardware store and bought a hatchet, electric hacksaw, some ammonia and a bucket.”

“What do you have there?”
“A customised 24-inch pressurized spear gun.”

“You’re a murderer.”
“Stop saying that mom! I never killed anyone!”

Jacob hallucinates the dead Paul. Alas the hot psychos. Jacob thinks about killing Emma a lot. There is a multi-agency hunt for Carroll. Hardy is not allowed to talk to the captured Amanda. The FBI learns Carroll hacked them in his quest to locate Claire.

Roderick and Carroll have issues about who runs the cult. Claire whines about her lack of media access and then the cultists attack her motel. Hardy and Claire hide out at Hardy’s former FBI partner’s house (it’s that fat bloke from ‘Skyline’ and ‘Dexter’). Joey continues to be a load, Claire wants to talk about her feelings as cultists prepare to attack, someone gets shot, Claire is an idiot, Joe yaps more and Hardy’s ex-booty call is a cultist. But of course she is. Jacob has cracked. This wasn’t good.

Best Lines:
“Hates peanut butter, whole milk and Anne Hathaway.”

“How does a group of killers stay hidden this long?”

“They were sent to a foster care home that was later busted for militia activity.”
“I’m sure they picked up some great skills there.”

Whips and Regrets
Joe gloats, Hardy is miserable, Molly is an angel of death and she is really annoying. The FBI locate a creepy Joe Carroll fansite, TPTB finally recall the whole Poe theme. Roderick and Joe have more issues over the cult’s not really defined plan. Parker and Hardy bust a fetish house that houses the cult’s web server.

Carroll tries to force reconciliation on his wife. Claire rants that if the entire universe tried to persuade her to reconcile with Joe, she would not. Carroll’s cult of corrupt murderous hypocrites who are self serving and at odds promise physical violence if Claire does not reunite with Joe. Emma is clingy, Roderick is a rapacious jackass, Hardy nearly gets a sex worker killed and the cult’s training camp/brainwashing centre is located. Joe makes grandiloquent displays and watches Molly’s sex tapes of her and Hardy. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Been an RN for 12 years and I’ve killed more people than you.”

“You an alcoholic or just a problem drinker?”

“The word cult is ghastly inappropriate and offends me.”