The Patriot Act
Monroe isn’t dead. Rachel, Charlie and Miles continue to be awful. The fat annoying Aaron and his boring girlfriend Cynthia continue to bore. Dr Horn exudes creepiness as he tries to intimidate Rachel and her tonged hair and excessive bronzer. But she and her nostril flaring does not react as she is an utterly hollow person. None of the Patriots explain why the government fled to Cuba.
Flashbacks to after the blackout show how Rachel’s dad Gene was recruited by the Patriots. Gene stood idly by as the Patriots did bad things so he could get vaccines for cholera, yellow fever and TB. Are the Patriots supposed to be the Tea Party?
Aaron is a deeply vacant dim-witted shut-in. Tom Neville convinces himself that he has fixed Jason’s reprogramming. What was done to Jason? He does a lot of creepy staring and can stab two people to death with his hands handcuffed. Neville actually looks proud of his son’s new murderous skills. Where did Neville get handcuffs and roofies anyway?
The insufferably arrogant Rachel is a burden to all. Dr Horn wants to be bad and scary but isn’t. Why is Miles so obsessed with Rachel? How can Aaron set people on fire with his mind? When Rachel learns her father is a Patriot it is the worst thing she’s ever heard and so she has a good cry. It’s not like abandoning her children, contributing to her son and husband’s murders and cheating with her brother-in-law mattered to her. This was okay except for the snot-faucet Rachel and her endless crap pulling. Charlie used to be the focus of the show but TPTB have cast her to the side like a cut price hooker.
“When DC fell I was on the first boat that fled to Cuba. It’s funny when you think about it. Us taking a raft there.”
“We ruined the world.”
“It doesn’t make it any less genius.”
“I’m safer with that psycho.”
“I want my country back.”
“You can’t fix him. It’s the training, I’m sorry.”
“One word, one syllable out of your mouth and you’re dead.”
“You’re not as quiet as you think.”
“I did not want to be right about this.”
“And that would be for us.”
“So that’s what 15 year old crap smells like.”
An unnamed con gets out of jail after 15 years and heads off in search of his onetime girlfriend/partner in crime. He finds her in the small town of Banshee in Amish country where he encounters loads and loads of characters. He meets Banshee’s new sheriff Lucas Hood who promptly gets murdered. So the con steals his identity and job. Cue sex, violence, swearing and death as the remorseless, puny and pitiful con embarks on an ostensibly ruinous course.
His one time girlfriend Anna is now Carrie a wife and mother. But who is the real father of her daughter? The duo stole and lost ten million in diamonds and are on the run from a crimelord named Mr Rabbit (Ben Cross). This is all deathly serious except for the bitchy drag queen criminal and the violent ex-Amish crimelord of Banshee Kai Proctor who is shunned by his Old Order Amish dad. The new Lucas Hood is now sheriff of Banshee despite being the one time most notorious thief in the country. Mr Rabbit wants to find them so how long can the masquerade hold up before the reality machete comes for Hood and Anna? This was good. How did the Old Order Amish Kai Proctor become a violent criminal with weird sexual kinks?
“Stop the carnage.”
“You kicked your teacher.”
“It’s the armpit of the west.”
“Am I dead?”
“Does it look like I’m sitting on ten million dollars?”
“You one of them complicated types. That it?”
“Suck my tit bitch!”
“I don’t even wanna know.”
“What the man doesn’t own, he runs. What he doesn’t run, he burns to the ground.”
“Two suits. Badly tailored. They’re looking for you.”
“I have to write up Charlie Sheen over here.”
“Oh you’ve seen ‘Witness’. Yeah that’s great.”
“Men will pay for tits until they’re broke or dead.”
“Now take your teeth and put em back in your fat bigoted mouth.”
“Only in Banshee.”