October 17th, 2013


Trailer, Quotes and a 1998 tape tale

‘The Blacklist’ 1x03 promo

There will be no review of ‘Timetrap’.

Marvel plan a Peggy Carter TV show?

Heston Blumenthal’s Meat Fruit was yum.

‘Futurama’ Quotes:
“Three special sons who require constant neglect.”

“Can you die happy now?”

“Snot gobbling twerp.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Clare blew up a building as part of a failed revenge ploy. Paul escaped from jail and ran her over. Yay, the showkiller Clare is dead! That endless plotline of her ruining the friendship of the credulous stupid Max and poor put-upon OB was rubbish. Sadly Darren is not dead. Ash dies. Dodger cops on that his half brother Will is a murderous psycho and Will leaves him to die. It’s hard to care because Dodger is a prat who emotes by taking his shirt off. Dodger doesn’t die. Will is worried. Doug dies. Trevor is sad. Cindy and Mercedes batter Paul to death with a handy shovel. Why is there a shovel? No-one in Hollyoaks has a garden. Ste has a good cry about Doug. Oh now he cares? Ste is a vivid festering sore. The fat, lazy and ignorant Dennis bores as Leanne is dying. Lindsey steals a body bag and sets about covering up Paul’s murder. Where is John Paul during all this? Danny tells Ste he is his father.

Best Lines:
“I’m just a chav.”

“What you just did wasn’t reasonable force.”

“I just hurt him over and over again.”

Cleared out a 1998 tape. It began with the original 1970s movie ‘Black Christmas’ in which Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder are college girls menaced by an obscene phone caller. This overlooked film predates ‘Halloween’. Hussey shouts all her lines, nobody notices the murderous loon in the attic and the setting is squalid, hermetic and dystopian. Margot Kidder’s character utters uncouth words and is stabbed to death with a crystal unicorn by the deeply anti-rational loon. This was dull, boring and the plot hinges on dated technology.

Then came a ‘Vengeance Unlimited’ ep ‘Bitter End’ in which a woman is stalked by a crazy convict (Tobin Bell) who she testified against. Mr Chapel takes down the two-bit crim. This was dull.

Best Line:
“Once upon a time I had a really bad Monday.”

Finally there was a season 4 ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘The Convert’ in which Joxer gets way too much screen time. Gabrielle wears a silly outfit and a villain (Kathryn Morris of ‘Cold Case’) returns. Everyone yaps. The villain is a nut and she and Xena have a silly fight. This was Morris before she starved herself, injected her lips and sewed on fake hair. The baddie seethes with resentment, Gabrielle is a really annoying well meaning tolerant minded new ager and the final fight is ridiculous. This was silly.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Earthquake + The Adjustment Bureau

Earthquake (1974)
This is a dull boring mess in which various stars play vile people who are caught up (eventually) in an earthquake. After about an hour of padding, the quake gets underway and the camera shakes, rubble falls, a kid is in peril, houses that look like cardboard roll down a hill and it is all so tired and unthrilling as blank faced thickos shriek. The city disintegrates in laughably bad sfx, George Kennedy over emotes, a married couple find one another infuriating and people in ugly 70s attire find their wider inadequacies laid bare. This film was semi-coherent and poorly judged. It has no deep reflection or thought. This was as bad as ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ watch ‘The Towering Inferno’ instead if you want drama.

Best Line:
“Mr Cameron threw me out of the elevator!”

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
David Norris (Matt Damon) is a politician. Men in hats who look and act like the Observers from ‘Fringe’ do stuff to manipulate him and others. David falls for a boney woman and they don’t want that. This was dull.

Best Line:
“We’ll erase your brain."
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Elizabeth + Dark Tales of Lost Civilizations + Universes, part 1

Elizabeth by Jessica Hamilton
She’s just like the girl next door. If you live next door to Hell…

A 14 year old psychopath named Elizabeth Cuttner narrates this short but effectively creepy 1976 tale. Elizabeth is a teenager who may be an abuse victim but is also a monster. One day she looks in a mirror and a long dead witch appears offering malevolent powers. Elizabeth uses this power to rid herself of those who are of no use to her. This is an excellent, creepy, disturbing tale.

Best Lines:
“Father had forbidden me to use that word. He said it was only fit to be used by women on television commercials.”

“Katherine wore a new dress at dinner. It was a colour that people shouldn’t have to look at while they were eating.”

Dark Tales of Lost Civilizations edited by Eric J Guignard
A horror/speculative fiction homage to the pulp tales of yesteryear.

Konigreich der Sorge (Kingdom of Sorrows)
1939, Nazi scientists exploring the Arctic Circle find something Lovecraftian. Very good.

Gestures of Faith
Thoth and his friend Isis alone escape the death of Atlantis and journey to a new land. Good

Bare Bones
A two million year old Homo Sapien skull causes problems. Good.

Best Line:
“He looked at the chart as if willing it to come to life and agree with him.”

British Guiana, 1853
A man goes looking for a mythical beast. Okay.

Humanity receives a message from Tau Ceti. This is a good story that reminds me of that old ‘Outer Limits’ episode ‘The Music of the Spheres’.

The Talisman of Hata
A priestess tries to save her city. This is bleak but good.

Sumeria To The Stars
Clay tablets reveal the astonishing secrets of Babylon. This is an interesting tale bogged down by technobabble.

The Tall Grass
A man gets off a stalled train and encounters something awful. Okay.

Best Lines:
“I screamed?”

Universes by Stephen Baxter, part 1
A collection of short stories.

Earth II
A sequel to ‘Flood/Ark’ in which Earth suffered an extinction level flood and a few survivors fled to the stars in a FTL ship. One group started a colony on a planet they named Earth II. This tale set 400 years later shows what became of their descendants on their old, used up planet. Their descendants are unpleasant people who either worship or reject the legacy of the Founders. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“A culture a billion years dead.”

“If they could see this, see what they made, when they brought their children here”