July 4th, 2013

To Light The Way To Bed

Book Review: This House is Haunted

This House Is Haunted by John Boyne
This is an utterly terrible Victorian ghost story homage. Eliza Caine heads to the wilds of Norfolk to take care of two creepy children. Their parents are nowhere to be found, the fellow servants are insolent and the locals are adverse to talking about the family, The dim Eliza soon realises something is seriously wrong and that she has to do something about it. This was boring, badly written and seriously stupid.

Best Lines:
“The Judge showed no mercy, and why should he have, after all?”

“He’s at Gaudlin Hall. He’s in the house with you. He’s been there since you arrived.”

“Set about them, you say? When she beat one into the grave and tried to do the same to the other.”

“I won’t stand for moderns at St Elizabeth’s.”

Quotes & Things

Andy Garcia was yummy to look at in 1994’s ‘When A Man Loves A Woman’; shame about the rest of the movie.

I adore Rose & Pistachio chocolate.

I am reading ‘The Dance of the Red Death’.

On ‘Sherlock’, why did John put up with Sherlock’s emotional abuse?

‘When A Man Loves A Woman’ Quote:
“It’s one in the morning. People are trying to have sex up here.”

‘The Dance of the Red Death’ Quotes:
“I suddenly realize I have an open wound in the swamp, with two plagues raging.”

“Araby’s used to loving people who’ve done terrible things.”

‘Raffles’ Quotes:
“Some of us can turn keys from the outside.”
“Burglars, cracksmen, dangerous characters like that.”

“What do you do?”

‘The Wilt Alternative’ Quotes:
“I wouldn’t want to be repeating meself for the likes of reactionary pigs like yourself but if you’re deaf I’ll say it again.”

“From the direction of the sink Chinanda could be heard disentangling himself from Eva’s Kenwood mixer which had joined him on the floor.”

“A gurgling noise from the bathroom indicated that Gudrun Schautz hadn’t thought of this interpretation of her orders and was having to make readjustments in her attitude to Wilt’s intelligence.”

“A stream of incomprehensible but evidently malevolent German greeted this suggestion.”

“He then made some extremely disturbing noises which suggested a village idiot having trouble with a fishbone.”

“It says something for Mr Wilt’s constitution that he is still alive.”
“Says something for the canteen coffee that the bugger drank it without noticing.”

“I wouldn’t want t be responsible for introducing the notion of murdering her to a man in Mr Wilt’s condition.”

‘Dead Man’s Folly’ (book) Quotes:
“Some ruddy homicidal maniac’s got in here, paying his half crown and looking like everyone else, spending his afternoon going round murdering people.”

“Poirot shuddered inwardly at the thought of being married to Mrs. Masterton.”

“She just regards him as a kind of machine for tipping out fur coats and jewels and expensive clothes.”

“You wash your face with soap and water until you’re a good deal older than what you are now.”

“I won’t have this ‘ere mucky lipstick.”

‘Crooked House’ Quote:
“She killed someone in his bath. She was not very clever about it.”
Scary Books

The Walking Dead 3x01 + Supernatural 8x01&8x02 Reviewed

Rick looks like he is on meth, Carl thinks he is a hardcase, Daryl kills an owl and Lori sports a fake looking pregnancy belly. The gang wander aimlessly and loot food. The gang finally stumble across the prison. There is a sing song, Lori is thankless and lots of zombies are killed. Rick and his gang are sanguine about zombie body fluids flying around. There is a musical montage, Lori bores, someone gets bitten and there is a twist. This was dull. Rick’s plan was dumb and his idea of first aid sucks.

Best Line:
“We’ve got no place left to go.”

We Need To Talk About Kevin
Dean’s back acting weird and he’s friends with a vampire named Benny. Sam has bad hair and is as selfish as ever. Kevin is in peril. There are boring flashbacks and talk about a demon and hellgates. This bored. Why does the King of Hell need to use a phone? Why is Dean saying purgatory was pure? Why is Benny so annoying? Where is Sam’s girlfriend?

Best Lines:
“Nothing says family quite like the whole family being dead.”

“You showed the King of Hell how to open a hellgate?”

“Where’s your angel?”
“Ask your mother.”

“The King of Hell just snapped my girlfriend’s neck.”

What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?
A man stares at a bone. Sam, Dean and Kevin look up Kevin’s mother. There is bad acting. There are more bring flashbacks. The foursome head to an auction to get the Word Of God back. Naturally things go awry as Sam swings Thor’s hammer, Crowley lurks and everyone is stupid.

Crowley’s demon eyes and demon cloud (both red) finally show up, a monster uses a gun and Kevin does a runner to get away from the Winchester brothers and you can’t blame him. This was not good. What happened to Castiel? Are we supposed to care?

Best Lines:
“Heaven, hell and beyond.”

“Defiling her corpse has just made number one on my to do list.”

“Mr Crowley, you don’t have a soul.”

“One word of advice: run. Run far and run fast. Because the Winchesters, well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.”