June 23rd, 2013


Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 22 Reviewed

The Core, part Two
Buffy is being selfish, yet again. There is a brawl at the Deeper Well. Xander is useless and inept. Buffy has a ridiculous hairdo. Billy’s useless plot arc drags on. Dawn continues to die very very slowly. Xander’s inept betrayal comes out. Buffy makes it all about her as usual, failing to see how her selfish cruel behaviour led to this. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“How are we going to save someone we can’t even remember?”

“Why am I still standing in the present that I don’t like very much at all?”
Scary Books

The Americans 1x06 + True Blood 5x06 + Once Upon A Time 2x06 Reviewed

Trust Me
Phillip is grabbed off the street and interrogated. Elizabeth is snatched from their house and shown a vast array of photos of their children. Paige and Henry hitchhike home and are menaced by a sex offender.

The sex offender is dealt with, Elizabeth beats someone up and the question of what would happen to Paige and Henry if the duo were caught is raised. Phillip has more trust issues with his fake wife. Stan and Nina frame someone. This was not good, I’m tired of Elizabeth and Phillip’s boring issues.

Best Lines:
“Seems to be out at night quite a bit.”

“You’re lucky you ran into me, not some lunatic.”

“Your face is a present from me to them. Show them your face! Show it to them!”

Russell rants, the Authority do crap and Eric messes with Alcide’s feelings for Sookie. Emma, Luna, Sam and Emma’s grandmother do boring crap. Jessica does not seem to care she has sent Hoyt down a slippery slope. Jason blathers. Terry bores. The werewolves bore. There is bad acting. WTF is the point of season 5? Sam kills someone. Hoyt self destructs some more. Nora blathers about Lilith. There is screaming and yelling and Roman exits. This was crap.

Best Lines:
“Did you just recoil from me?”

“You need to get away from me before I hurt you.”

“Praise Lilith.”

Emma and Hook climb a beanstalk. There is exposition dumping. Flashbacks to 11 years ago show Emma’s ill-fated romance with Neal the father of Henry. Emma dressed like an anime character whilst Neal looked like a junkie.

Hook is a creepy, a giant (Jorge Garcia of ‘Lost’ and ‘Alcatraz’) shows up, Aurora bores and Jack the giant slayer is long dead. Hook pervs, August shows up, there is bad acting, bad cgi, unnecessary hysteria and sap and Henry yells. Dreams are meaningful but I don’t care. This was an utterly terrible episode.

Best Line:
“I’m not having drinks with you, you might be a pervert.”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Now You See Me’ TV spot
I’m there.

‘Ray Donovan’ promo

‘The Wolverine’ trailer
I am impressed.

‘The Lone Ranger’ trailer

‘The Conjuring’ trailer
Oh hell yes!

‘Live And Let Drood’ Quotes:
“Then there’s Anastasia Drood, last heard of in darkest Peru. And if she really is doing what she’s supposed to be doing down there, I will kill her dead before I ever willingly exchange a word with her.”

“The whole part of being a rogue Drood is never be who or what or where the family thinks you are. If only so they won’t send someone like me to come and drive a stake through your rotten heart.”

“He hadn’t joined the Great Satanic Conspiracy because he thought they weren’t extreme enough.”

“There’s something in the fog and it’s coming for us.”

“If Edwin Drood and Molly Metcalf have quite finished striking dramatic poses, ask them if they’d like to come through.”

“It’s time to dispense beatings and shout at people.”

“I should point out that we will all be hiding in the cloakroom until the forthcoming unpleasantness is over.”

‘Hawaii Five-0’ Quote:
"Is there something the matter with you?”

Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ Quote:
“Insect lady. Mummy girl. Anya. You’re a demon magnet.”

‘Drake & Josh’ Quote:
“Heard you got punched by a nerd.”

‘Don’t Trust The B---- In Apartment 23’ Quotes:
“Just how illegal is this?”
“About as illegal as that panda fat eye cream you use.”

“Your sweater looks like a pumpkin mated with a turd.”

“James and I just spent the last six hours watching bad reunion shows: ‘Growing Pains’, ‘Dynasty’, ‘The Facts of Life Go To Paris’.”
“They were all wearing berets.”
“Even Tootie?”

“She doesn’t even watch TV. She just punches it when she’s drunk.”

“I live with a girl who I met on craigslist who sells knock-off handbags from her bedroom window.”

“We just live in caves having our periods until it’s time to have sex with the first guy who buys us a wine cooler and reminds us of our dad.”

‘Desperate Housewives’ Quote:
“Is he a dirty cop? Or a Democrat?”

‘Modern Family’ Quotes:
“What malevolent hellspawn we have for children. Whom I love very much.”

“That rolling asylum.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Mercedes wears a necklace that looks like a bike lock, Nancy returns and fails to notice Sienna is trying to steal her family. Obviously no-one in the Osborne clan has ever seen ‘Poison Ivy’, ‘The Hand That Rocks The Cradle’ or ’Unlawful Entry’. Patrick goes all ’Sleeping With The Enemy’ on Maxine. Anna decides to kill Patrick describing him as “the root of all evil.”

Phoebe has yet another time wasting boring plot. Anna’s attempt to kill Patrick is foiled by Sienna and Maxine. Anna is hauled off ranting, Patrick manipulates Maxine and Sienna and accuses his ex-wife of killing Texas. Patrick is a creep who controlled Anna and drove her mad, emotionally abuses Sienna and is now controlling Maxine. It’s a nice creepy storyline.

Best Lines:
“I’m friends with more gay lads than you’ve had lash tints!”

“You’re sick Anna.”
“You made me sick.”

“I have to stop you.”
“You couldn’t if you tried.”

“I will kill you! I swear it!”

Choc fudge = yum.

Reviews of ‘Resolution’, ‘The Bourne Legacy’ and ‘Terminus’ forthcoming.

Got my ‘Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters’ DVD. You’ve got to love a movie where the traumatised siblings grow up, don bondage armour and hunt witches who beat them up at every given opportunity.

Had a skim read of ‘Babylon Confidential’ by Claudia Christian. She told readers of her adventures making ‘The Hidden’, how she didn’t like Lana Clarkson, Michael O’Hare or Elizabeth Gracen, how she really got around and how she sold her underwear on eBay. She also goes into the real reason she was fired from ‘Babylon 5’ and how she is an alcoholic who won’t stop drinking yet takes special pills that cure her. It’s a sad book.
To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Reviews: World War Z + 12:01pm

World War Z (2013)
The troubled film based on Max Brooks 2006 bestseller is finally here. Gerry (Brad Pitt), his idiot wife and two ineffable kids are driving through Philadelphia when a zombie horde attacks. Human civilization falls apart in minutes as the zombies overrun the cities.

Gerry is told to help find the source of the outbreak and help locate a cure. His quest takes him to South Korea, Israel and Wales. This is okay but bears scant resemblance to the book. However it has some memorable moments amid the global panic hokum.

The overrunning of Philadelphia is unnerving as is the outbreak on a plane. The briefly glimpsed battle of Moscow looks good and two really creepy moments are the zombies forming a human pillar to overrun Jerusalem and the mass zombie grave. As well as the big zombie set pieces there are small moments that get you: the cop looting baby food, Gerry taping a kitchen knife to a rifle and later administering first aid to bitten IDF solider Sergen, the glimpse of an unexplained mushroom cloud, a character who seemed to be a big deal suddenly dying and the causal reveal of what the North Koreans did to try to avoid infection.

The product placement of Pepsi during a dramatic moment is bizarre as is Matthew Fox appearing for about five minutes as an unnamed solider. If you enjoyed the book, give it a try. Maybe we’ll get a sequel.

12:01pm (1990)
This short film stars Kurtwood Smith a hysterical man caught in a time loop for eternity. This is creepy and bleak with an utterly miserable ending.