May 26th, 2013


Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Man of Steel’ trailer
General Zod, explosions, spaceships, skulls, tentacles and this looks like ‘Superman II’ and not in a good way.

‘Desperate Housewives’ promo
This David LaChapelle ad from 2004 for season 1 set to Que Sera Sera was great. Shame the show wasn’t.

Dave (Zachary Knighton) from ‘Happy Endings’ was Dr Bryce Varley on ‘Flashforward’!

They’re remaking ‘Timecop’. Mmmm.

Wild Garlic Pesto = yum
Rasping Hot Jelly (hot cayenne chilli flakes in raspberry and apple jelly) = nice.

Bear Grylls naked and doing pushups and jumping jacks on an ice field. Yum.

BBC2's ‘The Last Days of Anne Boleyn’ was okay. Summed her up as someone who played Tudor court politics and as said at the end: “She lost.”

On ‘Arrow’, if only Oliver had spent more time with Tommy instead of his new buds Diggle and Felicity, if only Oliver had just sat Tommy down and talked to him after revealing his secret identity - Tommy would not be dead. But no, instead Oliver sneered, acted morally superior, stole his girlfriend and turned Tommy against him. Oliver and Laurel’s ‘epic romance’ has got Sarah Lance and Tommy Merlyn killed, how many more?

‘Modern Family’ Quotes:
“You know what was a rare book in my school library? One that didn’t have genitals drawn all over it.”

“Warmth. You know that thing all your husbands eventually stop feeling for you.”

“How can you need money? You have four divorce settlements.”

“Do you soak you hair in cigarettes?”

“Maybe now you’ll stop siphoning electricity off the grid with a meat hook.”

“When you die alone in your bed, Jonathan’s going to eat you.”

‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ Quotes:
“I found your Vision guy. Just dropped a big rock on him. And it didn’t do anything to him at all.”

‘Two Broke Girls’ Quote:
“I’m undone by two crazy cupcake bitches!”
Scary Books

True Blood 5x02 + Revolution 1x10 + Hannibal 1x03 + Once Upon A Time 2x02 Reviewed

Authority Always Wins
What coke sniffer thought endless scenes of Bill and Eric being menaced by Christopher Meloni (of ’Carriers’) was interesting? The Authority has exsanguination chambers? Am I supposed to care? The 2003 ‘Daredevil’ film was better than this.

The werewolves do boring crap, Terry has issues, Tara freaks out and we get flashbacks to Pam as a human in 1905 and how she met Eric. Jason annoys, the cops find Debbie’s car, Patrick (Scott Foley of ’Scream 3’) bores and Sookie visits the Stake House. Reverend Newlin appears on TV and hangs out with Jessica. Jason manwhores and everyone is a disgusting horrible person.

The Authority babble about the vampire bible and Lilith. Didn’t ‘Blade’ and ‘Blood Ties’ do this already in the 90s? This bored. Jason realises Hoyt hates him. Sookie dresses from the I’ve Stopped Trying Collection. Luna’s daughter Emma transforms into a wolf cub and she’s still in her pyjamas. Okay, that bit was funny.

Best Lines:
“Do something.”
“I am. I’m laughing.”

“You owe me fairy.”

“She just lost her son.”
“She just ate her son.”

“I’m gonna leave you alone. Go eat your neighbour.”

“I will never forgive either of you.”

Nobody’s Fault But Mine
Miles and Monroe fought together in The Trenton Campaign five years after the Blackout. Monroe talked about running out of bullets and how they’d end up fighting with swords like pirates. Miles founded the Militia, Monroe came along for the ride, Miles betrayed Monroe and acts like his ex-BFF is the monster? What gives?

This has furious door knocking, Charlie being a whining moaning pretentious thick dim moron and Rachel reuniting with her daughter. Neville overacts and annoys, Danny is ever useless, Miles is surprised that Rachel is alive and then comes face to face with Monroe.

Two years before the Blackout Monroe was a suicidal drunk after losing his family in a car accident. Miles was there for him and was closer to him then his brother. When they were kids Miles and Monroe designed an emblem that later became the symbol of the Monroe Militia to symbolise their friendship. Awww. So how did Monroe go from sensitive guy to crazy warlord?

Monroe wants his BFF back only for Miles to brutally reject him. The ambiguously gay Monroe cracks and he and Miles fight. Miles jumps out a convenient window and Monroe unleashes a helicopter. This was good. But why does Miles get away with turning Monroe into a monster?

Best Lines:
“Oh hell no.”

“Hey Bass.”

“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, I mean I’m sorry I didn’t kill you the first time.”

“You are nothing to me.”

This looks like a 70s movie. Abigail Hobbs wakes up and manipulates. Jack thinks Abigail was her father’s accomplice. Dr Bloom lurks. Tabloid blogger Freddie Loundes annoys and is a bag of snakes. Seriously, what is wrong with her?

Abigail knows what Lecter is; Lecter attacks Dr Bloom and kills (off screen) a friend of Abigail’s. A goob is framed. Lecter and Abigail form an alliance. Why can’t the FBI trace the call Lecter made to Hobbs? How did Freddie get into the nut house? This was bad.

Best Lines:
“Didn’t hear you drive up.”
“Hybrid. Great car for stalking.”
“Um, I’m compelled to go cover myself."

“I respect your sympathy for her Dr Bloom. I hope one day you’ll appreciate my lack of it.”

We Are Both
The residents cannot leave Storybrooke to the rage of Mr Gold. People are looking for their families. August is still a block of wood. Regina won’t stop being a snot. Flashbacks show how Regina and her mother had issues and how her father was spineless. Regina annoys.

Mr Gold’s accent changes from scene to scene. Jefferson twitches. Henry will not shut up. Charming makes a speech. More flashbacks show how Regina got magic and used it to banish her wretched mother. Meanwhile Mary Margaret and Emma end up in a pit in fairytale land with Cora. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“If the wraith damaged your house, there are cots at the school.”

“It’s off to work we go.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Graveyard Child + Wither's Rain

Graveyard Child: Book Five of The Black Sun’s Daughter by M.L.N. Hanover
Jayne Heller heads home for some long overdue answers but her long estranged family don’t want to know her. Still the answers come, painfully and horribly. For a long time Jayne thought her late Uncle Eric was a heroic demon hunter who fought for good and left her a fortune so she could do the same. Jayne finally learns that all her assumptions were wrong.

The truth is horrific, there is darkness in the Heller family and has been for a long time. Questions are answered and a terrible confrontation takes place. This was good as everything becomes clear and Jayne realises how deep the manipulation goes.

Best Lines:
“After all, what he knew about me was that I’d vanished under a cloud and reappeared with two men in tow, a lot of money, and heavily tattooed fiancée-abducting cultists coming after me.”

“For more than a century, this thing had been eating my family.”

“It was vast intelligence gone necrotic.”

“I saw all that she could have been and wasn’t. And would never be.”

Wither’s Rain by John Passarella
From 2003 comes this sequel to the mediocre ‘Wither’. In that novel Wendy Ward the good witch defeated Wither the bad witch. Now Wither is back and she possesses local slut Gina Thorne. Nobody cares or tries to save her as Gina embarks on a dark path. It isn’t exactly a rampage as Wendy Ward does a lot of emo whining. This was badly written, ridiculous, dumb, sexist tosh.

Best Lines:
“You killed my son!”
“A big truck killed your son.”

“Gina continued to surprise - and scare - him with her strange new abilities, and the predominantly socipathic ways in which she used them.”
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