April 25th, 2013


Elementary 1x19 + Revenge 1x17 Reviewed

Snow Angels
There’s a storm and a robbery. Where are Holmes’ bees during all this? Ms Hudson shows up, Gregson is the only cop in NY, there is a power cut and obviously fake snow. Holmes tries to hijack a snow plough, a gunshot wound is somehow disguised as a stab wound and Clyde is not hibernating. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“If you intend to defend yourself with that knife, you’re holding it all wrong.”

“Do your employers look kindly on vagrancy?”

“I’ll leave her this time. I swear!”

“What if there are 50 commandos shooting up the place?”

“I reject that analogy.”

Eli and Emily plan revenge on their one time foster mother Meredith. Nolan fawns over Padma. Aiden and Nolan chase a flash drive shaped like a turtle. Aidan bores, Jack bores and there is sap.

Meredith looks like someone you would see outside a kebab shop on a Saturday night trying to rip out someone’s hair extensions. Conrad is crass, Daniel is vile, Nolan wrecks things and Kenny Ryan resurfaces. Eli pulls a fast one and there is a retcon of certain events.

Nolan needs to shut up, Mason smirks and there is a revelation. This was dire. This show has gone downhill and Emily is nothing but a country song at this point.

Best Line:
“No parent will ever want you.”
Scary Books

'Thor: The Dark World' , Quotes and 'Revolution' musings

'Thor: The Dark World’ trailer
WTF? Did I see Rory from ‘Doctor Who’? Jane! Loki looks rough. Why does this look so cheap and low rent?

Best Lines:
“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help.”

‘The Following’ 1x14 promo

‘Scary Movie 5’ trailer

‘Arrow’ 1x20 promo

‘Star Trek: Into Darkness’ clip 1

‘Star Trek: Into Darkness’ clip 2

Best Line:
“We’ll fit! We’ll fit!”

‘The Following’ 1x15 promo

‘Banshee’ promo
Oh hell no.

RIP Chrissy Amphlett

Honey Mustard and Onion pretzel pieces are okay. Two Flavor Mystery Swirl Laffy Taffy is a bit bland. Grape Laffy Taffy is okay.

I have put aside ‘Tempting Fate’ for the moment and am reading ‘Promise of Blood’.

JLS have split. So?

‘Glee’ Quotes:
“I’m sure she’s checked into some ginger asylum somewhere now that she’s escaped from Will Schuester’s living dollhouse of the damned.”

“Let’s hope that she’s embracing her inner bulimic.”

“I would have preferred that to standing at the alter alone with everyone staring at me.”

“Brody is in the shower.”
“Where he will be for the next hour scrubbing the drug shame off of his frictionless body.”

Revolution’ Quotes:
“Short hair, shirt too tight.”

“We’re going to have to kill Monroe. I’m going to have to walk to Philly and kill my best friend.”

‘Promise of Blood’ Quotes:
“The age of kings is dead, Adamat, and I have killed it.”

“Then why are you hiding it behind your back?”
“Waiting for you to turn around so I can have a hit, Sir.”

‘Jericho’ Quotes:
“What’s this black stuff?”
“That used to be Denver.”

“That is 10,000 planes with no place to land.”

“Where were you? I’m assuming jail.”

“I read about this at Black Jack. Mass migration. Hundred, thousands of people heading south. Trying to outrun winter.”

“Have you ever even seen a surgery performed without an electocautery machine? No, you haven’t because it’s not even taught anymore.”

“Six Presidents. I don’t understand. Who’s in charge of the military?”
“You’re assuming there’s only one of those too.”

“I’m waiting for them to explain what happened to the flag.”

“Jennings & Rall just received a crate of these new history textbooks. They want them distributed by the end of the week.”
“And this is a problem?”
“Look at the chapter titles. The section after World War II is called: The Decline and Fall of the First Republic.”

“Where are you going?”
“I gotta burn down a house.”

“God bless you and God bless the Allied States of America.”

I was wondering about ‘Revolution’. Apart from the massive amounts of Miles/Monroe subtext, why is anyone watching this? Miles created his own villain by setting the onetime more moral Monroe on the path to darkness. He doesn’t seem sorry about it. Miles isn’t very bright. How come in 1x01 he didn’t recognise ‘Nate’ as Jason, Captain Tom Neville’s son? What does General Monroe do besides stare blankly at people and out of windows and apply way too much hair product?
Scary Books

Movie Review: The Club

The Club (1994)

Membership has its privileges and terrible dues.

In this obscure horror film, the school fancy dress prom being held in an immense creepy gothic castle goes awry for six students and the murderous pervert guidance counsellor Mr Carver (Kim Coates). Time stops and they end up in a strange netherworld where the course of the rest of their lives will be determined. Naturally they split up to explore.

The useless no agency Amy (Andrea Roth of 'Ringer'), her boyfriend the flat effect Evan (Rino Romano), the obviously doomed Darren (Matthew Ferguson), the battered Laura and her violent boyfriend Kyle (Zack Ward of ’Titus’ and ’Dollhouse’) wander around overlooking all the obvious clues that John (Joel Wyner aka J.H Wyman, the executive producer of ‘Fringe‘) is a minion of evil. Trivia moment: Corey Haim was originally cast as John before being fired.

This movie has a creepy setting and the ’club’ is a creepy concept but the cheap dated SFX and the weak script betray all efforts made. Laura, Darren and Amy look up books to figure what is going on. John has greasy hair, yells a lot and hams it up as soon as his evilness is exposed. He explains what is going on with a chart and a pointer, no really.

The prom goers are morons. There is a ridiculous unending death scene, sexism, sexual violence, terrible acting, a sword fight with awful continuity and this is offensively stupid at times. Evan does not act at all, John’s overacting annoys and Amy just stands around fearing for her life when Mr Carver and his creepy monotone pervs over her for unending scenes.

The film ends on a downer for all these unsavoury people (except John) and this was awful. Things are unexplained: what was making the howling noises? Who was John’s ‘date’ to the prom? Didn’t anyone in the editing room notice that when one character shoves another character off a balcony to their death - you can see the stuntwoman land on a crash pad? Why just before the gang got carried off to the netherworld did John provoke Mr Carver into beating him up in the men’s room?

Best Lines:
“You don’t go to this school do you?”

“I don’t think I like him very much.”

“I thought you were dead.”
“Well, I am. But does that mean we can’t be friends?”

“Why do they always run when I say that?”

“Usually when people take a look at me they just dump in their pants and die screaming.”

“Suicide or murder. Either way you’re pretty much down for eternity.”
“So you had no choice.”

“There’s nothing to fear but your face.”
“Ooohhh hoooo. That’s a good one Mr asshead.”

“Oh no. She broke.”

“You ever consider a triple suicide?”
Scary Books

Book Review: Cat's Eye

Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood
From 1989, Elaine Risley a celebrated painter returns to Toronto and is overwhelmed by memories of her childhood. She remembers growing up post World War 2 and how she was befriended by Carol, Grace and Cordelia. They were her friends, but Cordelia made them her tormentors.

The ferocious bullying Elaine suffered has remained with her forty years and shaped the course of her life. This is very good, showing the toxic side to female friendship and the unending effect of the bullying (though the world bully is never used).

Best Lines:
“Copped up in this provincial deadwater teaching the rudiments to morons.”

“I see words on the front pages of newspapers that never used to be said out loud, much less spoken.”

“As always on these streets, I feel disliked.”