April 9th, 2013

Scary Books

Trailer & Quotes

‘Carrie’ (2013) trailer
Where are social services? Where are the school’s anti-bullying rules? Tommy Ross looks like a burk and a prom bloodbath. I’m there.

Best Lines:
“Go to your closet and pray.”

“That’s not even in the Bible, it doesn’t say that anywhere.”

“They’re all going to laugh at you.

‘Iron Man 3’ trailer
Where are the Avengers during all this? Looks good.

‘Under The Dome’ first look
Hank from ‘Breaking Bad’ is in this 13 week event. The characters don’t look like how I pictured. I hope this is good.

‘The Following’ 1x12 promo
Looks good.

Best Lines:
“Shut your mouth right now you sick little girl.”

“House of psychos.”

‘Lonely Molly’ trailer
WTF?

‘Grave Encounters 2’ trailer
A different version to the one I saw before. This was creepy.

‘Hannibal’ trailer
Back! Back!

~
There will be no review of ‘Hunter’s Moon’.

There was a proposed TV show called ‘Odd Jobs’ which would have starred Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson. I tried to care but I couldn’t. Thankfully Emerson went off to star in ‘Person Of Interest’ instead. Chew on that O’Quinn.

Reviews of ‘Jago’, ‘Frost Burned’ and ‘Queen Isabella’ forthcoming.

Tided up LJ tags.

Saw some of ‘Barry Lyndon’, the sheep drawn carriage was hilarious.

‘The Disappearance of Alice Creed’ was a grubby dingy mess.

I am reading ‘Interstellar Pig’.

I may review ‘The Ice Cream Girls’.

~
‘Interstellar Pig’ Quote:
“I knew she wasn’t very interested in Ted, who had no social importance.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“I paid him to build a shed. Where is my shed?”

“A homeless man is giving himself a sink bath.”

“We’ll probably find him when the river thaws in the spring. A lot of bobbers then.”

“New low, even for this family: college fund on a poker site.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Croning + That Which Should Not Be

The Croning by Laird Barron
Donald Miller is a senile 80 plus retired academic who has been married to Michelle for over 60 years. But it is all a lie. For decades, Donald has been overlooking all evidence that something is very wrong with his wife and her circle of friends. Finally Donald is forced to confront the truth and encounters the Children of Old Leech. This had so much promise but it’s boring and Donald’s relentless stupidity annoys. The ending where horrors are laid bare is good but not enough to redeem this book.

Best Lines:
“We venerate the Great Dark, the things that dwell there.”

“They dwell in the depths and the shadows, they inhabit the crack that runs through everything.”

“Hobgoblins of a thousand cultures.”

~
That Which Should Not Be by Brett J. Talley
A dire pastiche of the works of H.P Lovecraft. Avoid this.
Hawkeye

GCB 1x05 + Revolution 1x03 + The Stone Tape + Arrow 1x19 Reviewed

Forbidden Fruit
Cricket over sings Amazing Grace at Bitsy’s funeral. Carlene and Cricket bully Hannah. Burl and Gigi hook up. Carlene’s younger brother Luke smarms at Amanda. Zack is awful to Sharon and orders her to stay at home. Sharon and Zack’s yob son shows up. Carlene and Cricket bully Amanda. Why does she let the moronic and vacant housewives away with it? Luke is foul, Andrew dumps Heather, Gigi fears people will start talking about her and Sheryl Crow guest stars. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Relax. Just grieve.”

“I think that wet thing’s a pool.”

~
No Quarter
Miles is a jackass as flashbacks show how Miles and Monroe went AWOL and how it is Miles fault that Monroe became a warlord. Miles is a boorish and bitter sad old bag. People die easy and a gang of idiots are menaced by a militia member (Mark Pellegrino of ’Lost’ and ’Supernatural’).

Miles uses the cover names Stu Redman and Frannie for himself and Charlie. Ha! A shout out to ’The Stand’! Miles annoys, Aaron and his pristine glasses blubbers, Danny is harassed and Charlie is a jerk.

Charlie is shocked to learn that Miles founded the Monroe Republic with Sebastian Monroe. More flashbacks to Miles and Monroe show how Miles was the dominant one. Miles has an elevated opinion of himself and has no regrets about his war crimes or making his BFF into a crazy warlord. Maggie waves around her product placed iphone. Where is Grace? What is the pendant? This was not good, Miles is a vile person.

Best Lines:
“Medieval cesspool.”

“We are going to Shawshank our asses out of here.”

“I don’t understand how things could fall apart so fast.”

“They would take our crops and our women.”

“Christ forgives. I’m not Christ.”

“You guys remember ’One Life To Live’?”

~
The Stone Tape (1972)
This is a classic BBC ghost story. I fail to see why, it was awful. Racist and sexist scientists eager to discover a new recording medium head to an old mansion to work. The gurning morons in flares and ugly shirts disturb something ancient and malevolent beneath the walls. The sole woman Jill (Jane Asher) has an affair with her married boss, gurns, falls over a lot, is patronised and ignored. There is muttering about a dead maid, exorcisms and a strange untouched room. The scientists decide to analyse the ghost. A yokel gurns, there is screaming and dated technology. Jill acts like a pathetic weepy child and this was unscary and I like it not. There is strobe lighting, ugly clothes, yelling, general incoherence, menacing lights and this was dire.

Best Lines:
“The foundations might be Saxon.”

“The ghost laying didn’t take.”

“It patters its feet and screeches.”

“Could there be anything there that knows?”

“It’s in the computer!!!”

“He’s wiped the tape!!!”

“Much older impressions underneath, much deeper.”
“How far are you trying to go back?”
“A very long way.”

“Some deep level record. Much older. So old and shapeless.”

~
Unfinished Business
Quentin, the only cop in Starling City, investigates the return of Vertigo to the streets. The Count (Seth Gabel) overacts. Tommy Merlyn gets angry with Oliver and stomps home to his billionaire daddy. Tommy’s going dark side.

There is Windows 8 product placement, Laurel and her frozen face bores, Oliver shouts and the frightful bastard of the week is brought down. This was okay with arrow overkill and Tommy Merlyn sulking.

Best Lines:
“I try not to hire any drug dealers.”

“My father wanted a son.”
“He got one.”

“Imagine what I now think of you.”
PromNight2

Movie Reviews: Grave Encounters 2 + Dark Skies

Grave Encounters 2 (2012)
This was a dire sequel. Alex is a vile film student who becomes obsessed with the movie ‘Grave Encounters’ and after getting mysterious messages, somehow convinces his friends to head to the haunted loony bin to find out the truth behind the movie. He and his idiot friends who can’t enunciate head inside.

They bring glow sticks, air horns and a military GPS, not that they really use any of them. Instead they use a Ouija board, encounter Sean Rogerson, demons show up, people die  and this was a non-scary morass of bad acting and Alex’s Ted Bundy eyes. This was okay but nowhere near as good as the original.

Best Lines:
“This isn’t Narnia.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Your friend was dead the moment he set foot in the building. You all were.”

“Die already.”

~
Dark Skies (2013)
Lacy (Keri Russell) and Daniel are a struggling middle class couple. They have two snotty sons and are being plagued by mysterious events. They get nose bleeds, lose time, the kitchen condiments are whimsically rearranged and 800 birds smash into their house.

The family are now quivering victims of bizarre goings on, their neighbours turn on them and Daniel dwells in denial. Lacy suspects their tormentors are extraterrestrial in origin and tries to convinces Daniel of this with her pleading eyes.

The couple are behind on the mortgage so how did they get the bird remains cleaned off their house, replace the smashed windows, buy piles of plywood and a fierce evil detecting dog?

Aside from those niggles, this was okay even if the supernatural proof father annoyed. The Greys are creepy and provide a few jump scares as they unleash control politics and forced family socialization. This is nowhere near as good as 'Insidious'.
Richard/Lost

Person Of Interest Review, part 4

Root Cause
An unemployed man discovers there is something beyond rock bottom. Finch hacks wifi with a Pringles can. Reese must unmask an assassin and a mysterious hacker lurks. Finch and Reese hang out in a car, no-one mistakes them for doggers. Carter annoys, Zoe (Paige Turco) returns, Reese kills a man with a hand dryer and there is a twisty ending. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Were you able to convince Mr Billick to abandon his plan to kill his ex-wife?”

“Ever been on a stakeout Finch?”
“No, should I bring anything?”
“Warm clothes, something to read and an empty water bottle.”
“Empty?”
“There are no bathrooms on a stakeout Finch.”

~
Wolf And Club
A teenager is in danger, there is bad acting and Will (Michael Stahl-David) looks into his father’s past. He tracks down his father’s old NSA contact who has moved to a town with no wifi or mobile phones. She is also afraid of Finch. What is the story there? Reese uncovers some background on Finch. This was okay, so how did Nathan die?

Best Lines:
“Only the paranoid survive.”

“You trying to get yourself killed Scrappy-Doo?”

“What insurance? You were with me when I stole the damn thing.”

~
Blue Code
A man has a double life, Reese wants to know more about the cadre of corrupt cops called HR and flashbacks give more insight into Reese’s past. Snow returns, Reese is in peril and there are lots and lots of twists. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“We’ve got one job in this. Render him to some black hole from which he will never return.”

“We’re not walking in the dark. We are the dark.”

“Your version of a lucky day is being shot and lit on fire?”

“Most accidents don’t require a shovel.”

~
Risk
Finch gets Reese a job on Wall Street. There is a call-back to the events of ‘The Fix’. Finch does more field work. A trader is in peril, there is more back-story on Reese and there is a twist. This was good.

Best Lines:
“This rolling outhouse.”

“What the hell happened back here?”
“Just a second attempt to kill you. I need to know what about Tritak has people repeatedly trying to do that.”

“But an SEC investigator and a banker do not shoot up a homeless encampment with automatic weapons.”

~
Baby Blue
Two individuals are in peril. Finch steals a baby and he and Reese have to care for it. Reese does creepy baby talk. The location of Reese’s arsenal is revealed. The revolting Elias lurks. Violent deeds bring their own punishment. What will the blowback be for Reese and Finch? This wasn’t good.

~
Identity Crisis
A identity thief causes Finch and Reese to be unsure who is the person in peril and who is the villain. An FBI agents asks Carter to help him find Reese. There is a drug lab, an obvious twist and Finch is drugged and babbles in annoying fashion. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Never understood why people put all their information on those sites. Used to make our job a lot easier in the CIA.”
“Of course. That’s why I created them.”
“You’re telling me you invented online social networking, Finch?”

“When did you know your identity was first stolen?”
“When the cops knocked down my door, put a shotgun to my head.”

“Is that really how you think a drug dealer dresses?”

“Ask me anything.”