March 5th, 2013

Scary Books

Quotes of the Day

‘Daemons are Forever’ Quotes:
“They say he personally prevented three world wars, and very nearly started one when he was caught in bed with a politician’s wife. And his mistress.”

“The Droods have always been very cautious about anything involving time travel, ever since the Great Time Disaster of 1217.”

“What could be worse than soul-eating demons?”

“I’ve spent weeks out here, dodging the bastards’ patrols. Very heavily armed patrols, I might add.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“Do you know what people normally do when they leave collage?”
“Sign on.”

“Mum, I am not working in PriceSlice!”
Scary Books

Book Review: Dead Things

Dead Things by Stephen Blackmoore
Eric Carter is a necromancer. He lives a life on the road dealing with the dead. He returns to LA after 15 years when his sister is horribly murdered. He wants to find out whodunit and ends up facing down evil mages, an old friend, a truly annoying ex-girlfriend and a death goddess. This is a very good grim tale.

Angel & Faith Issue 19 Reviewed

Death and Consequences, part four
Spike and Angel bicker. Spike gets a free pass for his past for some reason. Eyghon attacks. Faith knows the term zompire for some reason. There is more fallout from Angel’s idiot plan to resurrect Giles. Nadira drama queens and things get worse. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Well, look at zombie Giles. Undead and still a crap fighter.”

“Amuse me some more.”

“I see souls more damned than yours!”

“Vacant stare, drooling like the village idiot...yep, all’s right with old Angel.”

“Bug-eating mad. Really, what’s shocking is that it took this long.”
Scary Books

White Collar Season 2 Review, part 2

Company Man
There is a murder at a corporation and Peter goes undercover as an accountant. Peter annoys and Neal infiltrates the junior executives. Neal wears a hat, there is Skype product placement and Mozzie and Diana look for Fowler. The corporate CEO (Griffin Dunne) may be a bad bad man. There is bad acting, Peter pontificates, people are poisoned and Peter lies to Neal and his artfully tousled hair. This was not good.

Point Blank
Neal wears another silly hat. The secrets of the music box become clearer. Neal looks for Alex and plans to con the FBI to do so. Neal plots badly, gets a gun and plans to murder Fowler. For some reason Neal is not arrested for stealing the key to his ankle monitor, removing said ankle monitor and trying to shoot Fowler. Fowler whines, Neal evades a metal detector, Mozzie is shot by Julian and there is a revelation. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Easy, Amadeus.”

“I’m lurking on a rooftop, spying into people’s windows.”

“You think I wanted to spend the last year of the my life chasing you and a stupid box?”

Burke’s Seven
Mozzie recovers very quickly from being shot, Julian (Paul Blackthorne of ‘The Dresden Files’ and ‘Arrow’) menaces Neal, Peter pontificates and the Liz-bot annoys. Peter arrests Julian which leads to him being put on leave. Peter flares his nostrils, Agent Roe (Kevin Kilner) of the DOJ returns as does Sara. Peter forms a crew to bring down Julian and find his boss, Peter borrows a police horse and the music box code is figured out. This was okay.

Best Lines:
"I'll send you the bill for my door."

"Who's they?"

Forging Bonds
The big bad of season 2 is Vincent Adler (Andrew McCarthy) apparently. Cue flashbacks to 8 years ago when Adler ran a ponzi scheme, Mozzie had a goatee and a bad toupee and Neal had bad hair. Neal and Mozzie planned to run a long con on Adler.

Peter has a moustache, Neal was known to the FBI as James Bonds and the Liz-bot had bad hair. Neal met Kate and Alex and Adler taught him his grandiloquence. Neal learned too late that Adler was scamming the lame people (including Neal and Kate) before he ran off with a billion dollars.

So in response Kate, Mozzie and Neal ran cons. Neal’s whole relationship with Kate makes no sense. This was mediocre as the festering relationship between Neal and Peter is ignored as everyone wonders what the fractal is.

Best Lines:
“He’d been running street cons since he was a kid.”
“Notice my lack of surprise.”

“You weren’t that good.”

“You know, the irony of that would not be lost on Alanis Morissette.”

“You have until the salad course arrives to tell me what you want. Go.”

“Something worth all this?”

What Happens In Burma
A man from the State Department (Cotter Smith) asks for Peter and Neal’s help. A US student has been accused of gem theft. Mozzie and Neal make synthetic rubies. A meanie bureaucrat (Reggie Lee of ‘Prison Break’) is mean and also a lowlife wearing an expression of incipient violence. Neal is asked to do something, Peter rants and takes to his bully pulpit and Neal talks about his father. This was bad.

Arrow 1x16 + Mayday (2013) 1x01&1x02 Reviewed

Dead To Rights
Malcolm and his bad dye job is targeted for death by China White (Kelly Hu) and the not dead after all Deadshot. Tommy Merlyn annoys, Laurel mentions a canary and flashbacks to the island show how manly man Slade Wilson helped man up Oliver.

China White has got a better wig, Deadshot still underwhelms and Oliver does not seem to know the words ‘thank you’. The assassins attack and Tommy Merlyn sees his dad’s moves and almost gets to see his dad’s Dark Archer cave/panic room.

There is big reveal between Oliver and Tommy, which I’m sure will go horribly wrong in the long run. The assassins get away and Laurel’s mother (Alex Kingston of ‘er’ and ‘Doctor Who’) shows up with a not unexpected revelation. This was good. The two big plot points of this ep will have long reaching consequences I’m sure. So where did Malcolm Merlyn go for two years? Doesn’t Felicity have a job she should be at?

BBC1’s latest drama ‘event’ is a boring mess. Hattie, a dippy looking 14 year old girl (who looks 30) is the May Queen of her small rural town. She cycles through said town dressed up like Ophelia while various middle aged men glower lustfully. So far so very ‘The Wicker Man’. Hattie vanishes and it’s all very pagan.

Everett (Aidan Gillen of ‘Game of Thrones’) is a leering local ner’do’well with a greasy looking son named Linus who has a crush on Hattie’s identical twin sister. Gail the owner of a fat dog suspects her miserable tool of a husband Malcolm (Peter Firth of ‘Spooks‘). And retired cop Fiona has suspicions about her copper hubby Alan.

There is a lot of unnecessary slow motion, hysteria and Everett, Malcolm and Alan all act in highly suspicious ways. There is something in the woods, Hattie’s uncle Steve the local rough arse organises a search party and Linus is doing things with older men online. Hattie was an eco-activist and her unloved sister Caitlin is the town slut. Steve’s brother Seth is the local nutter and Malcolm has an ominous model village in his attic. This was awful. It’s overdone, over acted and plain terrible.

Best Lines:
“So what exactly do you do in the woods?”

“I’m going for a record score. I’ve got glucose tablets and a bottle to piss in.”

Linus has to go to school with a cut on his face from where his git of a father decked him. He also has visions of his dead mother. Everett and his bizarre accent aggressively washes his car which attractions Fiona’s suspicions.

Steve learns Seth is a thief and a general weirdo. Gail enlists her son James’ help to break into Malcolm’s computer. Fiona’s husband Alan is suddenly up for it all the time. Fiona tells people she once arrested Steve for pissing through a letterbox. Bullies harass Linus.

Suspicion is in the air as something is found in Hattie’s locker, school staff express concern over Linus’ injury and it is revealed that his mother ‘fell down the stairs’ to her death when he was 5.

Malcolm creeps, Steve’s wife and son ran off three years ago, Everett is a horrible git, Gail and James learn Malcolm’s secrets and Seth finds something in the woods. This was not good. I won’t bother with 1x03.

Best Lines:
“You’re weird.”

“Come on son, let’s go find a body.”

“She ruined him.”