February 24th, 2013


Trailers & Stuff

The Following 1x06 promo
Looks good.

‘Children of the Dog Star’ (1984) opening credits
This New Zealand TV show had nice music.

‘Chocky’ series 1 opening titles
This 1984 TV show had freaky credits.

I am reading ‘Hysteria’.

On ‘Hollyoaks’ Nancy stomps around in her leopard print coat being Nancy. Theresa ignores her daughter to bang the orange Dodger. Darren’s gambling problem comes back. I have learnt that the actor who plays Doug really is American. No way. Doug and John Paul flirt. How is JP a teacher? Wasn’t he a DJ when he left back in 2008? Jacqui gets a cleaning job working for a chav named Trudy (Danniella Westbrook). Ste attacks JP, his toxic relationship with Brendan brings out the worst in him.

Ste has allowed victimhood to be written into his narrative. Brendan shows up. Walker and Kevin continue to plot. Kevin isn’t Walker’s son, phew. Kevin throws himself at Brendan and gets manhandled. Ste chooses Brendan over his kids, again. JP and Doug have a disastrous date. Darren decides to evict the Kane family. But hell no, they won’t go. Ste is stupid.

Best Lines:
“Hey it’s the butty boys.”

“It really is amazing what you can learn at Young Offenders these days.”

“That little incident we had in the toilets on D Wing? Forgotten.”

“What is the point of you Darren? Seriously.”

“What were you doing in Jubilee Gardens Darren?”
“I was desperate for a wee.”

“You won’t like me when I’m nasty.”
“We don’t like you now.”

‘The Other Boleyn Girl’ (book) Quotes:
“I was the hub around which the events would turn. I was the Boleyn pawn that must be played to advantage.”

“Whatever she needs to ensnare the King, you give her whatever arts she needs, whatever goods she should have, whatever skills she lacks, you get them for her.”

“I never much liked it. I don’t know what it is that I am supposed to do.”

“As long as neither of them are with him then I cam content.”

“They can get another queen. But princes are rare in this market.”

“What were you doing with that thing on your lap? Is she some sort of poultice?”
Scary Books

Jericho Season 4 Issue 2 Review

After waiting for months for this to finally show up, it was an utter disappointment. The plot makes no sense, in fact plot points seem to have changed between in-between issues. The art is ugly and bizarre crap is going on. But I don’t care. This is I hate to say the worst issue of ’Jericho’ ever.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Broken Mirrors + The Farm

Broken Mirrors by T.A. Pratt
The 5th ‘Marla Mason’ novel. After the cliffhanger ending of book 4 ‘Spell Games’ - Marla comes up with a plan to be reunited with her dead friend Bradley. She has a Bradley abducted from another universe which results in the insane Marla Mason from that universe invading and wrecking havoc.

Now Marla has to clean up the mess she has caused in two universes, fight ancient gods, face down her dark doppelganger and fail to take responsibility for her actions. This is a good novel, Marla is her usual violent, selfish, wicked witch with no concept of self actualization. I defiantly want to read the prequel novel ‘Bone Shop’.

Best Lines:
“I will grant your wish. You deserve it.”

“But remember Marla Mason: when you open a doorway, it opens both ways.”

“It’s a local rustic we can question.”

“Sirens howling like the inmates of the Mason’s Wyoming Test Facility.”

“This is the neigborhood where we put the mass grave in our world.”

“She’d allowed herself to be dominated by a haunted bit of Renaissance Faire Costuming?”

The Farm by Emily McKay
In a post-apocalyptic America, twin sisters Lily and Mel are trapped in a death camp. Lily plans to escape the camp, evade the vampire horde that has devastated the land and escape to Canada. Her plan is derailed when her old school crush bad boy Carter shows up. This started out well, but the back cover gives away a massive spoiler, events get ludicrous and the ending is ridiculous beyond words. The more you think about the plot and the world building, the less sense it all makes. This was stupid.
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Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Schoolgirl Chums + White Mischief + Cruel Intentions

Schoolgirl Chums (1982)
An adaptation of the jolly hockey sticks book by Peter Glidewell. It was followed in 1983 by an adaptation of the sequel ‘St Ursula’s in Danger’, sadly the third book ‘Miss Prosser’s Passion’ was never filmed due to the death of the star Charlotte Long in 1984.

It is the 1930’s and Alison (Charlotte Long) is morose at being sent to boarding school by her posh solider spy father. Clad in an ugly uniform she is packed off to St Ursula’s with tales of secret passages and a mysterious artefact hidden in a box of chocolates. She is befriended by a blonde with a pudding bowl haircut (Patsy Kensit) on the steam train and so begins an adventure of hidden royalty, an evil teacher and a fire. Sadly this was a bit dull but would be enjoyed if you were six.

Best Line:
“Is that your father? He’s rather ripping.”

White Mischief (1987)
In Kenya of 1940, a gang of rich aristos hang around drinking, gambling, playing polo, shagging, wearing a lot of nice hats and occasionally shooting each other. Diana is a gold digger married to a rich older man and has an affair with a lover boy (Charles Dance) which leads to murder and a suicide. This was dull despite all the pretty scenery, copious nudity and hysteria.

Best Lines:
“I like older men. They have more money.”

“Here’s to lions, tigers and rich men.”

“This is frankly unsettling.”

“I didn’t know she’d been allowed back into the country.”

“They’re supposed to get up to all sorts of things, especially during the rainy season.”

Cruel Intentions (1999)
This updating of ‘Dangerous Liaisons’ has entertaining parts and dull parts. Two vile stepsiblings plot and play wicked games amongst their Manhattan elite. They plan to seduce virgins, make wagers, have UST and do mean things. Only one mobile phone appears and everyone writes letters.

Kathryn (Sarah Michelle Gellar of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’) is a cocaine addict who does noting but lounge around her palatial townhouse and be evil. Sebastian (Ryan Phillippe) annoys. Cecile (Selma Blair) is stupid and Annette just needs to go away.

Tara Reid, future ‘Fringe’ star Joshua Jackson, future ‘Ugly Betty’ star Eric Mabius, Reese Witherspoon, Swoosie Kurtz, Christine Baranski and Charlie O’Connell of 'Sliders' all star in this camp comedy. It spawned two terrible sequels. You can't overlook the nasty subtext: Sebastian coerces girls into sex but he is the hero of this film or the sexism. The camp can't cover that up.

Best Lines:
What kind of pictures?”
“Nudie pictures!”

“Why should I care?”

“I know how to alleviate menstrual cramps thank you very much.”

“You can put it anywhere.”

“He kept talking about this bulimic headcase he dumped over the 4th of July.”

“Where’ve you been?”

“Everybody does it. It’s just that nobody talks about it.”
Scary Books

White Collar Season 2 review, part 1

Neal Caffrey saw Kate blown up and has been thrown back in jail. Charming. Peter is a burk. Diana’s back. Edward Walker (Tim Matheson of ‘Buried Alive’) is a Thomas Crown style git who robs banks. There is bad green screen, a twist, a short appearance by Kevin Kilner, music box hijinks and this was okay.
Best Lines:
“I always felt like I was in a Fitzgerald novel.”

“Enjoy this game you’re playing. It won’t end well for you.”

“You’ll get caught.”
“Again, he would know.”

Need To Know
Gary, a state Senator is suspected of corruption. There is overly stylised direction as Neal gets a job as Gary’s fixer. Neal reveals some back-story but not too much. Peter keeps secrets from Neal and Neal knows. Diana and Neal bond. This was dull.

Best Line:
“You’ll sit there and you’ll like it.”

Copycat Caffrey
An art heist takes place that copycats one of Neal‘s crimes. Alex returns to sulk. The crime is traced back to a criminology class taught by a git (Aidan Quinn). Peter does his usual high horse moral guardian ranting. The music box has secrets. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Where’d you get these?”
“They fell off a truck.”

By The Book
Mozzie fancies a waitress named Gina (Diane Farr of ‘Numb3rs’). Then she is kidnapped and Mozzie ropes Peter and Neal into helping him save her from a gangster. This was dull.

Unfinished Business
It’s another day in the banter division of the FBI. Sara Ellis (Hilarie Burton of ‘One Tree Hill’ and ‘Solstice’) is an insurance agent who shows up to annoy. Mozzie and Neal investigate the jet explosion some more. Neal goes undercover with too much gel in his hair, Sara annoys and is thankless. Elizabeth features in more bad green screen. There is a package and a twist. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I’m walking into a house with a loaded gun. Please stop me.”

“You smile for a living.”

“I hate eating food out of foil.”

In The Red
Neal goes undercover again. Why does no-one ever recognise him? There is a case involving stolen jewels, a sleazy lawyer (John Larroquette of ‘Madhouse’) and a crime family poker game. Sara shows up to annoy again and demands Neal take a polygraph. Peter annoys. Neal plays poker. Sara has no concept of work appropriate attire. This was okay.

Prisoner’s Dilemma
Elizabeth and Peter have boring domesticity. Did Peter buy the Liz-bot from Stepford or something? US Marshals show up as an FBI agent is on the run. Joe Morton shows up as Peter’s boss’ boss. There is bad acting and a double bad guy takedown and it was dull.

Best Lines:
“I need to actually hotwire a Lamborghini Murcielago Roadster.”

“Is this a CI-off?”

“You can never trust anyone who spells his name with dollar signs on his licence plates.”