February 20th, 2013

Scary Books

Movie Review: Source Code (2011)

Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal and his one facial expression) repeatedly time travels back to find out who bombed a train for 8 minutes at a time. He falls for Christina (Michelle Monaghan) a doomed passenger, learns his boss (Vera Farmiga) is lying to him and uncovers a horrible truth. This wasn’t that interesting twist ending aside.

Book Reviews: Seduced by Moonlight + The Innocent Mage

Seduced by Moonlight by Laurell K Hamilton
The 3rd in the ‘Merry Gentry’ series after ‘A Kiss of Shadows’ and ‘A Caress of Twilight’ was published in 2005. Merry’s obsession with her men’s hair, skin, eyes and clothes goes on. There are exposition dumps, lots of shagging, stupid names and way too much talking. This reeked.

The Innocent Mage by Karen Miller
‘Kingmaker, Kingbreaker 1’ is an overlong tale of an uncouth yokel who befriends a Prince and magic stuff happens. Everyone is a jackass and it’s all tiresome and tired. The magical Dorarens rule the conquered Olken in the magically sealed off land of Lur. The revered long dead magician Barl sealed Lur off long ago to protect her people from the evil Morg. But some are curious about what lies beyond Lur which leads to Morg returning, a woman being a slave to prophecy, a spoilt princess being annoying and nothing of note happening.

Best Lines:
“Our history, Gar, as you damn well know is blood and terror and exile!”

“We came to this land in desperation and in desperation we conquered it.”
Scary Books

Black Mirror 2x02 + Revenge 2x08 Reviewed

White Bear
A woman (Lenora Crichlow of ‘Being Human’) wakes up in a house and does not know who or where she is. She walks out of the house and meets Jem (Tuppence Middleton of ’Tormented’) and learns everything seems to have gone a bit ‘Cell’ meets ‘28 Days Later’. A weird symbol on the TV has affected people. Some just stand around filming things on their phones while others attack.

She and Jem want to get to a safe zone. But they run across a nutter with a gun and a forest clearing of creepiness. Then there is a massive twist and everything you thought you knew is changed. This is a good depressing story with a bleak ending.

Best Line:
“What’s wrong with those people?”

Flashbacks to 2006 show off Daniel’s bad hair, reveal Aidan was always a thankless stupid burk and Victoria’s vile gold digging mother Marion (Adrienne Barbeau) showed up for dinner. Emily saved Ashley from life as a ho, Aidan was connected to Flight 197, a thug had a protection racket on the docks, Nolan’s former CFO Marco annoyed and Victoria avenged herself on her abusive mother.

This was awful. I don’t care about Aiden or the protection racket now inherited by the thug’s son Kenny. What happened to the SEC investigation into Grayson Global?

Best Lines:
“I understand Conrad was married when you met him.”

“Was it worth it?”
“The 30 years I spent with him? Of course.”
“No, I mean what you had to do to keep him.”

“Don’t ever ever speak for me again.”

“Vicky is my greatest blessing.”
“Well that’s not what you said the day you threw me out of the house.”

“You drove a wedge between me and every man I ever loved!”

“Where are you going?”
“As far away from you as I can get.”

“I have nowhere to go.”
“Well we do have a good number of rooms here. Pity as you say, none of them are for you.”

Thoughts of the Day + a 1998 tape tale

RIP Richard Briers.

‘Black Mirror’ 2x03 promo

On ‘Hollyoaks’, Ste behaves like a complete slapper. Mitzeee is gone from the opening credits. Will emotionally blackmails Texas. Nobody visits Esther. Ste sneers at John Paul. Holly and Liberty plan to become web hos. Doug nearly dies via some ‘Final Destination’ style high jinks. John Paul saves him. Love blooms. Ste is angry. How very dare Doug move on! Frankie is fired and is more concerned about that then Esther.

Best Lines:
“Next time Holly’s in the gutter, I’ll step over her.”

“Gobby little tart.”

“She went off the rails when I split up with her dad.”
"Oh look at her now, sprogged up at 17. Oh you must be so proud she’s back on track.”

“There’s not many scally jailbirds that have turned their life around.”

“I can’t help feeling really sorry for him actually.”
“Well Brendan knows exactly which buttons to press with Ste doesn’t he?”

Cleared out a tape from 1998. It began with the season 1 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Prophecy Girl’ in which Xander wants to ask Buffy out and she says no. The whole Buffy/Xander/Willow triangle was a waste of time. Buffy whines, Giles blusters, Jenny lurks and there is a prophecy that the Master will kill Buffy. Joyce gives Buffy a white dress for the school dance. The Master and The Anointed One bore. This was cheap looking and boring. Why did Buffy come back to life stronger? Why did tentacles come out of the Hellmouth? Why did the Master’s skeleton not dust?

Best Line:
“You’re that amped about hell? Go there.”

Then there was a season 1 ‘Earth Final Conflict’ ep ‘If You Could Read My Mind’ in which a psychic named Katya annoyed the Taleons. Sandoval lurks, Boone looms, Katya has a frizzy perm and an assassin in bad makeup lurks. This bored. Then came an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Detour’ in which Mulder and Scully looked for something in the woods. There were glowing red eyes and this was awful.

Finally there was a season 3 ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘The Bitter Suite’ in which the infamous rift saga is concluded in this musical ep. Gabrielle plays the victim in the rift, Joxer takes up screen time and Xena stands on a really fake snow covered mountain. Solan and Hope are dead and Gabrielle launches a venomous verbal attack on Xena who gets physical. The duo promptly end up in the musical land Illusia to work things out via the medium of song and dance.

Callisto monologues and has a bad singing double and a terrible wig. There is bad cgi, ugly costumes, bad dancing, bad songs, a fluffy white dog, bad singing, Gabrielle wears a tacky tiara and has a bad singing double. There are songs on the pathology of power, Gabrielle wants to attribute to Xena the responsibility for what she did, Xena is thuggish and Gabrielle’s defence is to pretend to be the victim. This was idiotic.

Best Lines:
“I never betrayed you, that was Gabrielle.”

“If your child had lived, we’d surely make her welcome too.”

“You and me love war, doesn’t matter what it’s for.”

Continuum Season 1 review, part 3

The Politics of Time
In the future, Kiera’s friends and husband were goobs. In the here and now Kellog drives an OTT car and a ‘friend’ of Carlos’ is murdered. She’s a reporter and connected to another friend of Carlos’, a union boss wannbe named Jim (Tahmoh Penikett of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ and ‘Dollhouse’).

Carlos is an idiot, there are union politics and things get a bit ‘No Way Out’. Meanwhile Julian sulks, Kiera realises Kellog stole a piece of the time machine that looks like a Terry’s Chocolate Orange. The crime is solved via techno babble and Carlos is attacked in his shower and has to fight off his attacker while naked. This was okay.

In the future, SadTech has indentured servitude and mind control. Now mind controlled people are killing people in the here and now. It all leads back to a game company that is big into immersive VR games. I’m getting ‘VR5’ flashbacks. Kiera’s implants get messed up as Liber8 and Alex fight over who controls her brain. Alec doesn’t seem to go to school. Kellog annoys. Liber8 plot more mayhem and the VPD take mind controlling computer code in their stride. This was okay and I swear the soundtrack from for this ep borrowed liberally from ‘Lexx’. There are some revelations in this ep that what is going on is just one small piece of a much larger puzzle.

Best Lines:
“It’s worse than crack and it’s legal.”

“So now he’s dead you can just pick over his corpse at cut-rate prices.”

Family Time
In 2077, Kiera killed Kellog’s sister and he wasn’t in Liber8 at the time. In the here and now Julian and his boy band reject mates have been listening to way too much of Liber8’s online rants. So there is a fertiliser bomb in Roland’s garage, the police get interested and a hostage situation develops.

Julian is a sulky moron, his friends have IQs in the single digits, Carlos gets shot and there is ranting about Day One and Theseus. The police get the wrong idea about who the hostage taker is, Kiera’s suit has finally been repaired and Julian escalates the situation. The origin of Liber8 is made clear and someone dies. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Theseus Day. He was a warrior who unified the people of Athens.”
“He was also pushed off a cliff when people turned against him.”

“He’s been living on his wife’s property holding anti-corporation rallies since then.”

“Tomorrow’s not promised.”

“Everything I am, everything I become will be the result of events unfolding on that farm.”

End Time
It’s suddenly some time later as Carlos has recovered from his gunshot wound and Kiera has been shagging Kellog. Oh gross. Kiera meets another time traveller, a CSIS agent (Nicholas Lea) shows up to annoy and Julian is roped into a Liber8 plan to blow up another building. Alec lies and it becomes clear that time can’t be changed.

Travis rebels against Kagame, it goes badly for him. Sonya makes a choice. Someone dies, a statue becomes a memorial and Liber8 strike a terrible blow. But why? The annoying agent sees something and it all ties back to 1x01 and the obviously evil elderly Alec Sadler (William B. Davis). This was good: death, destruction and revelations all round. I look forward to season 2.

What is going on? How many other time travellers are in 2012? What is old Alec’s plan? What is going on in 2077? What is Kiera’s role to play?

Best Lines:
“Nobody tells me anything.”

“Now what?”
“We wait for the inevitable fallout. Then our chance to really change things will present itself.”

“Do not do this.”
“Have you forgotten your history lessons? It’s already done."