February 5th, 2013

To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers & Stuff

The ‘Jericho’ season 4 comic is back on! Yay!

What on earth has become of Jason London since he was in ’Blood Ties’ in 1991? He’s fallen so far.

Britt Robertson the showkiller of ‘Life Unexpected’ and ‘The Secret Circle’ has been cast in ‘Under The Dome’? Oh hell no.

Reviews of ‘Articles of the Federation’, ‘Deathstalker’, ‘Deathstalker Rebellion’ and ‘Deathstalker War’ forthcoming.

Hazelnut chunk kitkat and mint chunk kitkat = yum. Choc fudge kitkat = yuk.

I am reading ‘The Disappearance’.

Richard III has been found under a council car park, best place for him.

‘World War Z’ super bowl trailer
Oh I’m there! Zombie attack!

Best Line:
“China’s gone.”

Under The Dome’ super bowl teaser
Oh wow, 16 seconds of a book cover.

‘Star Trek: Into Darkness’ super bowl teaser
A union jack! He’s Khan isn’t he? A lava planet and stuff blows up. Oh yeah.

Best Lines:
“I am better.”
“Than what?”

‘The Following’ 1x03 promo
Looks good.

‘Mama’ trailer
Feral children are taken in by a woman in a bad wig. Uh.

Best Line:
“Don’t go in the closet.”

Got milk? Super bowl ad
Dwayne Johnson wants his milk. He’s gotten old but this was funny.

On ‘Hollyoaks’, the McQueen/Savage storyline bores. Will throws himself a pity party and guilts Dodger into looking after him. Esther is yellow as befits someone with an non-functioning liver. Jack now knows about the bullying. How? He and Frankie overlook their own part in Esther’s despair. Nancy and Darren finally bother to show up. Ruby suddenly feels remorse. Sinead on the other hand cakes on the make up and wants to go to vet school.

Frankie is horrible. Mr Keeler’s replacement shows up. Frankie has a good cry. John-Paul gets a job. Esther makes a death bed video and forgives her bullies. Sinead and Ruby should be in jail fighting whores for cigarettes. Why does John Paul look like he’s catalogue modelling in the opening credits?

Esther gets the liver transplant, but it may be too late. Sinead lies, Sienna hurls herself at man who is not her long lost twin brother for once and Dodger tries to punch Will. Ruby does an over dramatic confession of bullying Esther to the Osborne clan. Frankie does not listen, typical.

Best Line:
“If I ever find the people who drove her to this, I swear...”
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Murder by Decree + She

Murder By Decree (1979)

London is murky and gaslit as Jack The Ripper roams killing poxy whores. So Sherlock Holmes (Christopher Plummer of ‘Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country’, ‘Dolores Claiborne’, ‘Dracula 2000’, ‘National Treasure’ and ‘Inside Man’) and Dr Watson (James Mason of ‘The Wicked Lady’, ‘The Last of Shelia’ and ‘Evil Under the Sun’) are asked to investigate.

John Gielgud is the PM, Frank Finlay (of ’Bouquet of Barbed Wire’) is Lestrade, Donald Sutherland is a psychic and Genevieve Bujold is Annie Crook. Holmes and his poufy 1970’s hair peers through the fog to uncover why dirty unwashed whores are being killed.

People yell, Holmes and Watson moan at each other, there is a mysterious information, Holmes has an attack scarf and ’London’ looks like a soundstage. It all comes together in a conspiracy plot of masons, royalty and a secret marriage that ’From Hell’ would later rip off.

Holmes and Watson have affection for each other. It’s better than ‘The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes’ and the vast majority of the Basil Rathbone films. Holmes is a strange individual, James Mason has a distinctive voice, male characters have OTT facial hair, the name of Newgate prison is mispronounced, there is reclusive corruption and overacting. This had good parts but overall is boring.

Best Lines:
“Watson. Stir yourself.”

“You instinctive grasp of the obvious.”

“You squashed my pea.”

“But squashing a fellow’s pea!”

She (1965)

In 1918 three men don’t head home after WW1, instead they head off to find a lost city. Leo is obsessed with a mysterious woman known as She Who Waits/She Who Must Be Obeyed. His friends (Peter Cushing, Bernard Cribbins) get more and more worried as they stagger after him through the desert.

She (Ursula Andress) is mad for the orange Leo and his bad perm in this Hammer adaptation of H. Rider Haggar’s pulp novel. She has a perfidious high priest (Christopher Lee) who looms. Leo and co follow an amateur looking map to the lost city. Leo is a moronically cut price Peter O’Toole. There is bad dubbing and She talks in riddles.

The trio end up in the lost city where She swans around in white chiffon and for some reason, the descendants of Ancient Egyptians dress like Romans. Leo adores the vile She. He is an idiot. She is obsessive and is a cruel evil queen, something that does not really matter to Leo. Executions in a lava pit? Slavery? Rampant classism? No problem for him.

His mates stare at a bad matte painting of a lost city and decide to leave post haste. Leo is enticed by She to sample the flames of eternal life. Leo rejects a woman who does love him and does not really care when She has her dropped down the lava pit. There is an uprising against the cruel She and the static culture she has ruled for millennia. The ending of the film shows what a burk Leo really is and how She has wasted her immortality. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“We survived the war, let’s hope we survive this place.”

“Across the desert of lost souls, through the mountains of the moon, a long and dangerous journey.”

“High priests die as easily as other mortals.”

“Them beds was hard as rocks, Sir.”
“Which is precisely what they are.”

“Time my love is but a sea eternal. We drown in it many times and are washed ashore again and again. But I have never drowned in it.”

“No-one is forever.”

“See how the tread of my feet has worn the stones away?”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Quiet Houses + Terminal Island

Quiet Houses by Simon Kurt Unsworth

This is a good portmanteau horror novel about haunted houses. Nakata is a paranormal researcher investigating strange events. The houses are quiet, it is the residents who are screaming.

The Elms, Morecambe
Nakata learns of a man’s encounter with a ghost in a hotel. A seemingly innocuous encounter that has destroyed his life. Okay.

The Merry House, Scale Hall
A young father encountered a Lovecraftian horror in an abandoned house. Average.

Beyond St Patrick’s Chapel, Heysham Head
Nakata visits a cliff top graveyard and is chased by disembodied footprints. Good and creepy.

The Ocean Grand, North West Coast
Three art restorers work in an abandoned hotel and encounter malevolent artwork. Good.

The Temple of Relief and Ease
An underground Victorian convience is the subject of Nakata’s latest inquiry and he is almost overwhelmed by 43 years of repressed rage. Okay.

43 Glasshouse, Glasshouse Estate
On a ghost estate show house, Nakta and his colleagues try to create a ghost and pay a steep price. Good.

Stack’s Farm, Trough of Bowland
Nakta and others visit a deserted farm and encounter something terrible. Good.

Terminal Island by Walter Greatshell

From the author of the dire ‘Xombies: Apocalypse Blues’ comes this equally dire tale of Henry Cadmus who returns to Catalina Island in search of his estranged mother. Flashbacks show Catalina was an unsettling place for the bratty young Henry. Now Henry has grown into a jerk adult, he has a flake wife and a brat daughter.

Henry stumbles around Catalina learning it is part of ancient religious cult. This is a load of badly written crap populated by idiots. Don’t even get me started on the idiot twist ending.

Best Lines:
“Who’s trying to kill you now.”

“Now graduated to murderous cultist and seller of non-existent condos to the soon-to-be slaughtered leisure set.”

Once Upon A Time 1x20 + Arrow 1x12 Reviewed

The Stranger

Emma wants Henry back and is still flippant, hysterical and dumb. August’s true identity is revealed. Regina is smug and August is annoying. Flashbacks show the Blue Fairy flying around in her jellyfish dress. Where did all the magic beans and enchanted trees go in Fairytale land?

Mr Gold somehow knows who August is. This was awful with bad child actors and ridiculous stuff like Regina hurling herself at David and Emma going deeper into her annoying denial.

Best Lines:
“Are you insinuating something?”
“Yes I am.”

“Trust is a big ask.”


The Count (Seth Gabel of ‘Fringe’) is the drug dealer du jour. Thea faces trial. Tommy looks gormless. Laurel guilts Quentin Lance into doing a favour for Thea pointing out he covered up Sarah’s misadventures too. Which is a mistake, Thea does need prison. That or Dr Phil.

How did Oliver get into the Bratva? It is not revealed yet. Instead this ep’s island flashbacks show there was a fight club on the island. Dude stick a fork in 1999 already! Oliver’s ‘mentor’ may not be entirely bad, but I’m beginning not to care.

Oliver also acquired ‘Xena’ style knowledge of pressure points while on the island. The Count camps it up like he is in the 1960’s ‘Batman’ show. At stately Queen manor, Thea is thankless. Quentin Lance isn’t the only cop in Starling City as a female vice cop debuts. She’s Oliver’s love interest isn’t she?

Moira is a hypocrite. Felicity makes a revelation. There is more Windows 8 product placement. Thea has to work for CNRI. There is a showdown. Also Oliver trips on Vertigo. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Whatever you fear, fear me more!”

“You really have a low opinion of me.”

“Looking forward to my new and exciting career as a drug dealer.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Angel & Faith #18 Reviewed

Death and Consequences, part three

There are more flashbacks to Giles being a failed punk. Angel, Faith and the slayers fight Eyghon and his zombies. Faith and co encounter the ‘resurrected’ Giles. Which makes one wonder why Buffy isn’t at all concerned about this. Eyghon, Whistler, Pearl and Nash’s grand plan is revealed. There is an unwelcome return. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I have heard things. Disturbing things.”

“We all have our demons, Rupert. Often quite literally.”
Scary Books

Continuum Season 1 review, part 1

Control the past, save the future.

A Stitch In Time

In 2077, the corporations rule. Kiera Cameron (Rachel Nichols of ‘Star Trek’ and ‘The Inside’) is a Protector in the North American Union. Canada is no more. Liber8 are self proclaimed ‘freedom fighters’ who blow up the corporate congress. Liber8 members are arrested and scheduled to be executed. No-one asks why ‘freedom fighters’ name themselves like a 1990’s boy band.

Kiera who wants to protect her son from Liber8 is part of the team overseeing the execution when something goes awry. She and Liber8 are flung back in time to 2012. Luckily Keira has her Protector suit and implants to help her survive in this strange place.

She cons her way into the Vancouver PD alongside Carlos Fonnegra (Victor Webster of ‘Mutant X’ and ‘Charmed’). Kiera claims to be a gang expert to Carlos’ boss (Brian Markinson of ‘Arrow’). She can connect via her implants to a young computer wiz named Alec Sadler (Erik Knudsen).

Liber8 are planning a war, Kiera vows to stop them and this was good. Questions are raised: why did Liber8 time jump? How did they smuggle the time travel device into the prison? What is soy-moo? Is it relevant that Kiera’s husband worked for the elderly Alec Sadler (William B. Davis of ‘The X Files’)? Or that one Liber8 member was a former SadTech employee? Or that young Alec’s mother and stepfather are up to something?

Best Lines:
“Liber8 murdered 30,000 people to kill 20.”

“The government lost their relevance after they went belly up.”

“Report to a CPS station for booking or face the pain.”

Fast Times

Kiera recalls her first day as a Protector. Liber8 get a lot of guns and suddenly they plan to go back to the future. The cops bust Kiera’s fake ID and Kiera orders Alec to create “a truth they can accept.”

A scientist is targeted by Liber8, who do not evaluate their moral implications. Kiera needs to govern her passions. More flashbacks show how Kiera was quilted for being a working mother by her jerk husband. Kiera saves the day. There is a musical montage. This was okay, Kiera's husband is not a good one.

Best Line:
“I’d shake on it, but that’d mean touching you.”

Wasting Time
Some of Liber8 are super soldiers. Sonya (Lexa Doig of ‘SG1’ and ‘Andromeda’) needs to treat fellow Liber8 member Travis who needs a special steroid. So she and her gang kill men for their pituitary glands so they get human growth hormone and create a serum. Another Liber8 member, Kellog, has his own agenda.

Alec, his mother, stepbrother Julian and a group of people listen as Alec’s stepfather Roland parades around his upper middle class house ranting about the evil corporations. Is Roland the nascent Liber8? Is Alec’s mother in on it? Why is Alec not at school?

Kellog is smug. Carlos and Kiera fight one of Liber8’s super soldiers. This was good. Is Kellog an ally? Where is the Liber8 boss (Tony Amendola of ‘SG1’ and ‘Once Upon A Time’) who hasn’t been seen since ‘A Stitch In Time’? I’m enjoying this show and am loving the time travel dynamics.

Best Line:
“It’s ironic coming from a man with a live grenade in his hand.”