January 26th, 2013


A trailer & Hollyoaks ponderings

‘Black Mirror’ series 2 trailer
Looks creepy, “The future is broken.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“The bum of the month club.”

“Any guy that would move in with you after a week, I’m guessing, is not a pillar of the community.”

RIP ‘Don’t Trust The B---- In Apartment 23’.

On ‘Hollyoaks’, Walker’s back and lurking in the bushes. Ste lies to Amy that he is still with Doug and makes the abusive violent drug dealer/murderer Brendan baby-sit his children. Tilly feels bad about ignoring Esther. Brendan is a failure as a babysitter and beats up a random guy in a fit of rage. Leah runs away terrified straight into the arms of the just returned Doug. Why is Ste leaving his kids alone with Brendan? Where did his brain go? Frankie is nowhere to be seen as per usual. She ignored Ruby’s sarcastic remarks and slights against Esther and passed them off as innocent comments. Riley’s dad returns, where is Bobby?

Jen brands Tilly a stalker and has her expelled in a quest to save her job. Tilly slaps Jen and vows vengeance. Mr Keeler is useless and overly concerned about Sinead and her womb fruit. Phoebe is suspended. Ruby and Sinead smirk. Seamus and Walker have a drink in the local and no-one recognises Walker.

Best Lines:
“You’ve only one look haven’t you? Rough!”

“You. Out. Now!”

“I just stood by and watched everyone turn against you.”
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Pursuit to Algiers + The Woman In Green

Pursuit to Algiers (1945)

Watson is a vexatious nag as the duo talk about going fishing. Again? After the stunt Holmes pulled in ‘The Spider Woman’? Emeralds have been stolen and Holmes has to protect the crown prince of a made up country. Holmes, Watson and the crown prince end up on a cruise ship named SS Friesland full of suspicious types. Holmes treats Watson like a fool. Holmes fakes his death again, there are musical numbers and this is boring.

Best Lines:
“Green was never a very becoming colour to the old trout.”

“We loathe fish and chips.”

“Where Holmes go. I go too.”

The Woman In Green (1945)

Moriarty is back, played by yet another new actor. Gregson hunts a serial killer. Boring people bore, there is a blackmail plot and Watson has no life outside of Holmes. Moriarty was declared dead and not via plunging into the sewers back in ‘The Secret Weapon’.

Watson is threatened and is stupid beyond words. This was based in part on ‘The Empty House’. There is hypnosis, Watson is a dolt, there is a mention of Mycroft and there is an evil woman. Holmes is hypnotised and the evil woman offers him cannabis to help him go under.

There is a final showdown with Moriarty who doesn’t just shoot Holmes when he has the chance. Moriarty falls off a roof, you half expect him to do a Fu Manchu and cry: “The world shall hear from me again.” This was really dull and silly.

Best Lines:
“Paper! Horrible murder!”

“There ought to be a law against fat people.”

“I was arrested for exceeding the speed limit.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Fog + The Fire + The Late Show + The Hole

The Fog by Caroline B Cooney

Book 1 in the ‘Losing Christina’ trilogy. Christian leaves Burning Fog isle to attend school on the mainland. She and some friend stay in an inn run by Mr and Mrs Shevvington who are also principle and English teacher at the local school respectively.

From the start things go wrong. The Shevvington’s accuse Christina of being a liar and of being violent and disturbed. They turn people against her. Fellow island girl Anya has been driven to a breakdown by the Shevvington’s. But the more Christina tries to tell people what is going on, the more she is ignored and dismissed. Nobody else can see the devils lurking in plain sight. Her parents turn their backs on her, the Shevvington’s encourage school bullying and Christina fights to save Anya and herself.

This is a good but disturbing tale about bullying and slow attrition and gradual wearing down of self esteem.

The Fire by Caroline B Cooney

This is the third in the ‘Losing Christina’ trilogy. The second book ‘The Snow’ was a boring mess and a virtual copy of book one. Christina is tormented and isolated some more. The Shevvington’s continue their hate campaign against Christina and encourage classicism and brand her an arsonist.

Christina tries to get her obnoxious bullying love interest to help her, but he ignores her. Christina tries to help another girl who was driven to madness by the Shevvington’s. Everybody dismisses Christina and even when the vile couple are finally unmasked, there are no apologies. This was okay.

The Late Show by John Douglas

From 1994 comes this pulp horror novel with a ridiculous lurid cover. Bill Anders runs a flea pit cinema in a dead end town. He is an embittered old man who longs for the pre-1960 good old days. He hates modern movies and teenagers so when he gets possessed by an eldritch abomination, he decides to turn an all night horrorthon into a mass murder opportunity. Can a loser and the local foul thug save the day?

This is a boring mess populated by jackass characters and reeks of misogyny. It is full of proof reading errors, misspellings and mistakes. It is also full of horribly dated 90’s UK pop culture references: Michael Barrymore, New Order (?), Paul Gascoigne, New Faces (?), Poison, Barry Norman, Beadle’s About, cassette singles, call boxes, Crowded House (?), British Home Store (?) and Siouxsie.

The Hole by Guy Burt

Originally published as ‘After The Hole’ in 1993 and reprinted and retitled to tie in with the 2001 movie that starred Thora Birch, Desmond Harrington, Laurence Fox and Keira Knightley. This is the tale of Mike, Alex, Geoff, Liz and Alex who agree to be locked in a forgotten windowless cellar below their deserted school for three days. The prank is the plan of school joker Martyn who says it is an ideal way to avoid the geography field trip. Three days pass but Martyn never returns.

This slim novella is gripping and sinister and the twist ending is only suggestive of something truly wrong and twisted that took place at a boarding school. This is very good.

Best Lines:
“I didn’t realize - what he might be capable of doing, until it was already happening.”

“The air in the Hole was not so good any more. The smell from the lavatory was beginning to thicken in the main room as well.”

“Of course Martyn won’t let us out.”

“He’s walking around out there, acting normally, while we’re starving to death.