January 11th, 2013


Movie Review: The In Crowd

The In Crowd (2000)

This glossy but silly ‘Wild Things’ rip-off features Tess Harper, Katharine Towne, Ethan Erickson, Lori Heuring and Susan Ward. Adrien (Heuring) is let out of the loony bin after a violent stalking episode and sent to work at a country club. There the social Queen Bee Brittany (Ward of ‘Wild Things 2’ and ‘Sunset Beach’) befriends her.

Adrien hangs out with the oily, orange, desperate, obnoxious rich kids in their dated attire. There is classicism, silly dialogue and everything looks murky. Someone finally clues Adrien in on Brittany’s sister Sandra who used to be the Queen Bee until she ran off and guess what? Adrien looks just like her. Adrien and Brittany have a falling out that results in murder, committal to a loony bin and a fight.

This fails in scene after scene to make you emotionally invest in the characters, the acting is of the dull surprise variety, there is an improbable loony bin escape, outdated tech, teen think and a really silly climax. This was just boring. Stick to ‘Wild Things’ and ‘Wild Things 3’ and you’ll be better off.

Best Lines:
“Just remember your place and you’ll do fine.”

“Aren’t you guys getting a little old for this?”
“We were getting too old for it 5 years ago.”

“Did we just get dissed by the cabana girl?”

“A little vacation.”
“I thought you were in rehab.”

“That girl’s got some fangs.”

“She emptied her trust fund and just took off.”

“If only she would go away.”

“You killed Sandra, your own flesh and blood and buried her on the golf course!”
Scary Books

Trailers & a 1999 tape tale

‘Da Vinci’s Demons’ trailer
Da Vinci wears a billowing shirt as he has romps in Renaissance Florence. Did I hear Alexander Siddig’s voice? This looks good.

Best Line:
“One day all that you see here will fall under Rome’s rule.”

‘Elementary’ 1x12 promo
Who is Vinnie Jones supposed to be? As long as TPTB don’t cast Andrew Scott as M, they’ll be fine.

‘Last Resort’ 1x11 promo
Things get worse.

‘Defiance’ trailer
Weird alien ships, a ruined Saint Louis, everyone poses like they’re in a music video, an annoying redhead does annoying things and Julie Benz is in this.

Best Line:
“Everytime we get ahead, you blow it for us.”

‘Urban Legend’ TV spot
This was silly even for 1999.

I am reading ‘The Rook’.

Cleared out a tape from 1999. It began with a ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’ ep ‘Valiant’ in which Jake and Nog fly off in a runabout, get attacked by Jem’Hadar and then rescued by the USS Valiant. The ship is crewed by Starfleet cadets and was on a training cruise when it was trapped behind enemy lines. All the officers were killed so the cadets are on a mission and they all enunciate like William Shatner. They are deeply misguided and all but one of them dies. This was well intentioned if not very interesting. Jake acts like a twit, the cadet’s big attack fails and the Valiant and its escape pods are destroyed in a flurry of dated SFX.

Best Lines:
“He got everyone killed.”

“He still calls Luna the moon, like it’s the only one or something.”

“Our mission was to circumnavigate the entire Federation before returning home.”

Then there was a ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ ep ‘Relativity’ which was a time travel tale with techno babble. Enough said.

Best Lines:
“Have you met?"
“Too many times.”

Then there was a ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘If The Shoe Fits’ in which a child Princess runs away and she and her bad wig stumble across the gang of idiots. As Xena and co escort her home they tell her various versions of the Cinderella tale. Cue more ugly wigs, ‘whimsical’ music, musical interludes, drag, silly voices and a homage to ‘Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In’ of all things. This was not as funny as it thought it was. Then finally there was a ‘Due South’ ep ‘Red, White or Blue’ in which a villain from a previous ep goes on trial, his crazy militia buddies show up to free him and Vecchio and Fraser fall out. This had way too much yap and idiot plotting.

‘Sherlock’ Quotes:
“What are you typing?”
“You mean me.”
“Well you’re typing a lot.”

“Shoot Doctor Watson.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’, Brendan sneers, Dr Paul continues to be an over achieving nutter, Esther is maniac depressive but no-one cares and wasn’t Ruby illiterate, so how was she able to create Esther hate sites? Sinead cries and her OTT eye makeup does not smear, Ruby blames Esther for Bart and his hoodie and his weed running away. Everyone turns their backs on Esther. Sienna annoys. Will cracks up, makes a spectacle of himself and then chucks himself down a flight of stairs for attention. Why are TPTB turning him into the new Warren Fox?

Best Lines:
What kind of sicko uses their friends dying for attention?”

“Nobody wants you.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Bones 8x01 + Fringe 5x10 + Charmed 4x07 Reviewed

The Future In The Past

Three months have passed since Brennan did a runner and now she has a bad bleach job and whines about how hard it is on her. Booth stomps around, Angela and Hodgins are blatantly unprofessional and the new opening credits are ugly and too high pitched.

Agent Flynn (Reed Diamond of ‘Dollhouse’) is suddenly and suspiciously helpful. Brennan sulks and is inconsiderate. The team vow to foil the rotten piece of humanity Pelant.

Realism isn’t this show’s forte. Sweets needs to go away. This show has protagonist centred morality. Antics take place to foil Pelant but there is a twist! This was good, save for Brennan’s annoying self justification and the hugs all round scene. I’m sure Pelant and Flynn will show up again.

Best Lines:
“Do I sound bitter?”
“Not nearly enough.”

Anomaly XB-6783746

Walter tantrums, Nina is under suspicion and the child Observer is examined. Nobody asks why there are no female Observers, why they dress like it is the 1940s and have stupid names. Etta is still dead but Peter and Olivia seem to be mostly over it. Also Peter has zero side effects from putting in and then yanking out Observer tech.

Bad things happen to various people, Nina and makes a big speech and then more bad things happen. This was okay with a bizarre ending.

Best Line:
“I though Massive Dynamic black labs didn’t exist.”

Brain Drain

Piper whines, Phoebe wears a slutty Heidi outfit and Cole lurks. Piper wanders down a dark alley and is abducted and given demonic hallucinations. She is made to think she is an inmate at Halliwell hospital and that Dr Wyatt is her inappropriate shrink. ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ copied this ep.

The Oracle prances around in sequins, Paige does not like Cole and Cole fights to save Piper, which makes the fact the sisters turned their backs on him not long afterward all the more cruel. Anyway Piper is being gas lighted into reciting a power stripping spell.

Piper hallucinates that Paige is a fellow inmate in a half shirt who doesn’t like her, that Prue was released from the nuthouse, that Phoebe is a slutty fellow inmate who runs around with a sweeping brush and that the Book Of Shadows is a notebook of childish scribblings.

The day is saved, Paige wears a denim maxi skirt with slits and a snot coloured belly shirt for some unknown reason, Cole blows up the Oracle and this was okay. Cole and Phoebe run upstairs for some fornication after the day is saved, Leo and Piper orb upstairs for some fornication of their own and Paige goes to the store. Hee.
Scary Books

Book Review: For Heaven's Eyes Only

For Heaven’s Eyes Only by Simon R. Green

The 5th ‘Secret Histories’ novel opens with Eddie Drood dead. But he swiftly gets over that as he and his family have to deal with a satanic conspiracy. Things look grim, get grim and then there is a grim cliffhanger. This was good. I look forward to more ‘Secret Histories’ novels.

Best Lines:
“Just once, I would appreciate it if you could find the common courtesy to use the bloody door, like everyone else!”

“You have to do things from which there can be no coming back, no chance of absolution or redemption. You don’t just sell your soul; you spit on it and throw it away.”

“The nuns of sixty-three different nunneries pray for his soul every day. No one knows why.”

“They don’t tell people like me things like that. If only so people like you can’t beat it out of me.”

“Do I care? No, I don’t think I do, actually.”
  • Current Music
    Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush
  • Tags