December 26th, 2012

Scary Books

Movie Review: If Looks Could Kill (1991)

Michael (Richard Grieco of ‘21 Jump Street’, ‘Booker’ and ‘Veronica Mars’) fails to graduate high school because of never attending his French class. So his parents pay for him to go on a school trip to France so he’ll graduate. Michael is mistaken for a spy with the same name as him and wacky hijinks ensue.

The evil baddies (Roger Rees and Linda Hunt) plan a new unified Europe under their rule and Michael and his out of control eyebrows and greasy hair must foil them. This features a cameo by the lead singer of The Who and is also known as ‘Teen Agent’.

It is a showpiece of horrible 80s clothes and hair, the French teacher is menaced for the crime of wanting Michael to learn and his classmates are mistaken for mercenaries. Michael saves the day in a flurry of bad acting and ludicrous action despite being an irresponsible idiot and looking about 30. The irrational villain does a motive rant, there is terrible SFX and malign plotting is foiled by a guy with overlarge underpants and too much hair gel. This has some okay comedy despite too much swearing and violence for a parody.

Best Lines:
“I hope you like pumping gas Michael.”

“What is this?”
“Food.”

“We must sink to his level.”

“Chewable plastic explosives, sugarless of course.”

“French class reject!”

“My school ID, my fake ID.”
Scary Books

Book Review: 1635: The Papal Stakes

1635: The Papal Stakes by Eric Flint with Charles E. Gannon

Rome is in turmoil, the Pope is on the run and various baddies have malice festering in their heads. The arrogant uptimers stomp around Europe demanding that things go their way and then sulk when they don’t. This was a tiresome and really boring entry in ‘The Ring of Fire’ series. 

It has way too much talk, excessive exposition dumps, the uptimers are way too smug and arrogant and w
here on Earth did Richelieu go? ‘The Ring Of Fire’ series is in a real downturn lately with this book and the previous ‘Ring of Fire III’ and ‘1636: The Saxon Uprising’. I’ve decided that ‘1636: The Kremlin Games’ is make or break for this series. If ‘1636: The Kremlin Games’ is as bad as this, then I’m done with this series.
Scary Books

Quotes & Stuff

‘The Spy who Haunted Me’ Quotes:
“Why don’t you go and haunt a house somewhere?”
“Because I frighten the ghosts.”

“I wouldn’t even use the toilet in a place like this.”

“The maze was designed and built in Georgian times to hold and contain Something, but no one now remembers who or what or why...Now and again we throw into the maze someone we don’t like very much, just to see what will happen. So far, none of them have ever come out again.”

“He and his followers tried to invoke and summon a great and primal power. But when he caught a glimpse of precisely what it was he was trying to bring through into our reality, he was so horrified he broke off the working and ran away screaming.”

~

‘Wonder Woman’ (2009) was a pathetic sexist animated mess.

I am reading ‘The Spy Who Haunted Me’.
~
On ‘Hollyoaks’, Christmas Day in the McQueen house say John-Paul return home and evade questions about Craig. Nana McQueen did not take turkey out of the freezer so the McQueen’s had turkey nuggets for Christmas dinner. Finally Myra mentioned her mother making her abandon her first born child, but didn’t bring up how that child later returned all grown up to kill his mother and siblings.

The class free Mercedes and her latest boyfriend Dr Paul showed up and were slung out. Dr Paul has seemingly evaded justice for killing someone. A baby was dumped in the McQueen’s tacky Christmas display in the garden. Myra wore a light up Christmas Day outfit. Jacqui found proof of Cindy having an affair with Rhys and smashed a large Santa ornament over her head. All in all, a good day.

~
‘Texas Chainsaw 3D’ promo
Maybe.
Scary Books

Merlin 5x13 + Supernatural 3x08 + The Snowmen + Bones 6x18 Reviewed

The Diamond of the Day, part 2

In this final ever ep Merlin revealed his magic to Arthur and destiny took place. Morgana drama queened, Mordred and his sulking was got rid of and Arthur was ungrateful, at first.

Gwen needed to go away, Morgana needed to brush her hair and there was a brief sighting of Avalon. This was all Merlin/Arthur and had a sad ending with an even sadder modern day coda. This was good.

Best Line:
“For when Albion’s need is greatest, Arthur will rise again.”

~
A Very Supernatural Christmas

Dean wants to celebrate Christmas, Sam whines and tedious flashbacks show how their ever useless father abounded them in a motel one Christmas and that Sam was a stupid kid. The brothers come up against pagan gods who are killing people. Evil pagan gods in Christmas sweaters. The brothers have to deal with them. Sam is a thankless snobby jackass. How Dean got his amulet is revealed, didn’t he dump it in the trash in season 6? The brothers have a white trash Christmas. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door saying: come kill us.”

“Remember that wreath dad brought home that one year?”
“You mean the one he stole from like a liquor store?”

“Can’t you just feel the evil pagan vibe?”


~
Doctor Who: The Snowmen (2012)

The Christmas special involved bitey snowflakes, a nasty man (Richard E. Grant), telepathic ice and a governess named Clara. The apathetic Doctor sulked around and there were shout outs to ‘Game of Thrones’ and ‘Sherlock Holmes’.

Clara, the Doctor, a lizard woman, her assistant and a potato man ran from toothy snowmen. Something lurked in a frozen pond and there was foreshadowing of stuff to come in the 2013 ‘Who’. Snow learns, an ice woman attacks, moppet kids do ‘cute’ stuff, the Doctor is an idiot and there was sap. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I said I’d feed you, I didn’t say who to.”

“The veiled detective and her fatuous accomplice.”

“Suggest we melt his brain using projectile acid fish.”

“Remain calm human scum.”

“Something terrible is born.”


~
The Truth In The Myth

A couple find a horribly decayed body but was the victim killed by a mythical monster? Booth and Brennan are on the case of the cryptid. The victim was a caustic TV host and he annoyed various loons. The case is solved and all is well. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Animal or psycho?”

“I’m confused.”
“Me too and I don’t like the feeling.”

“Discretion has been my watchword except when I was vomiting into someone’s hat.”

“I urinated in your tadpole tank.”

“I was just thinking that.”
“Really?”
“No.”

“One night I borrowed your iguana and wore it as a hat at a party.”