December 9th, 2012

Scary Books

Trailers & a 1999 tape tale

‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ trailer
Looks good. Who is the baddie and why does he want vengeance? Why is a starship under the ocean? Who is the blonde woman? Why is everything so grey? Where is Pike?

Best Line:
“Enjoy these final moments of peace for I have returned to have my vengeance.”

‘Nikita’ promo for ‘Sideswipe’
Uh.

‘Saturday Morning Massacre’ trailer
Four meddling kids/ghost hunters who travel around in a van have bad things happen to them. Hee.

‘Bigfoot Country’ trailer
Hipsters look for Bigfoot.

‘Grave Encounter 2’ Quote:
“The rest of the cast is no longer with us. But I am still here.”

‘Arrow’ 1x09 promo
Adam Hunt returns, mmmm.

Heather Donahue from ‘The Blair Witch Project’ now grows pot.

Mini chewy Sweet Tarts = yum.

Reviews of ‘Nikita’ season 3 forthcoming.

So on ‘Hollyoaks’, Ste is still obsessed with Brendan and ruining things with Doug. Where is Tilly? Doug wants to move his new family to the USA, overlooking the fact that Ste would never get a visa due to his criminal record. Ste is an orange moron. Cindy wants to go to Rhys’ funeral and fails to understand why her husband has an issue with her wanting to mourn her lover. Esther finally realises her friends hate her.

~
Cleared out a tape from 1999. It opened with a ‘Nash Bridges’ ep ‘Pump Action’ in which steroids make people crazy, there is a special guest star who can’t act and has no indoor voice. This was bad. Then came an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Arcadia’ in which Mulder and Scully go undercover in suburbia. Mulder wears a Lactose shirt. Scully blathers exposition. A trash monster attacks. This was ugh. Then came a ‘Vengeance Unlimited’ ep ‘Eden’ in which a corrupt town frames people as meth smugglers. Rex Linn is one of the baddies and Mr Chapel takes care of things in boring fashion. Finally there was a ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Dead Man’s Party’ in which the scobby gang reunite and show off their vile toxic self absorbed crap. This was awful.

~
‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!’ Quotes:
“I rode a flying horse through space!”

“If you are so all powerful Loki, then why haven’t you won yet?”

“If you thought the Isle of Silence was torment, you do not know the meaning of the word.”
Scary Books

Nikita 2x23 + Once Upon A Time 1x13 Reviewed

Homecoming

Nikita has flashbacks to 8 years ago. Alex kills someone with a pitchfork. Who are the mysterious The Group? Nikita is smug, Percy pulls a long con, Michael creates drama, people die, Amanda lurks and Division proves to be ‘Hotel California’. There is a changing of the guard. This was good.

Best Lines:
“There is no out.”

“Don’t say no.”

“You pathetic street trash.”

“We can go.”
“Where?”


~
What Happened to Frederick

In fairytale land, Prince James and Princess Abigail team up to free Abigail’s true love from a fix. The mean King (Alan Dale) lurks in his bath robe. Meanwhile in Storybrooke, David and Mary Margaret’s tacky affair is outed. Mary Margaret is shunned, Regina stirs the pot and the stranger in town, August, lurks around Emma. This was ridiculous and I am sick of David and Mary Margaret’s tiresome ‘soul mates’ theme.

Best Line:
“Everyone’s lying to me!”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Polterheist + The Blair Witch Project: A Dossier

Polterheist by Laura Resnick

The 5th in the ‘Esther Diamond’ series sees the wannabe actress working as a department store elf over the Christmas season. She has to deal with surly co-workers, screaming kids and Evil rising. Esther and her gang have to save NY from demonic disaster again. This is a good, funny book.

Best Lines:
“In one of those little misunderstandings that can so easily arise when you’re confronting Evil, one night in the summer the cops of the 25th Precinct had taken me for a prostitute who was disturbing the peace and assaulting people on Lexington Avenue.”

“I’ve relocated decomposing corpses that didn’t smell that bad.”

“They’d scared me into believing a suspicious weirdly dressed perp was infiltrating our house annually. They had even forced me to meet someone who was impersonating that character.”

“So let’s all try to stay calm in this highly public place!”

“If New York was not shortly devoured by something from another dimension, I wasn’t sure I had enough money to live on for the next few years.”


"I noticed the bloody symbol in the snow was starting to glow a dark red. That struck me as a bad thing."

~
The Blair Witch Project: A Dossier complied by D.A. Stern

This 2000 book provides background to the movie. It provides legends, myths, facts, photos, a journal, cult history and interviews. It’s a good enjoyable collection of mythos.

Best Line:
“It seems to be that all that can be said for certain is that something lives in the Black Hills. Let whoever goes searching for it beware.”
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Scary Books

Grimm (2011 - 2017) Season 1 Review, part 1

Pilot
Cop Nick Burkhardt (played by some bland guy who looks like the bland guy from ‘Superman Returns’) looks into the death of a jogger. His needlessly freaky aunt Marie is weird. His girlfriend Juliette is a vapid shallow love interest. His partner Hank annoys. Sergeant Wu (Reggie Lee of ‘Prison Break’) is a glorified secretary to Nick and Hank. Nick’s boss Renard (Sasha Roiz of ‘Caprica’) lurks and an annoying woman Adalind is evil.

Nick soon learns that the murder suspect is not your usual suspect. There is bad acting, a monster attack, there is a mysterious object and it’s sort of like ‘Once Upon A Time’ only this was crap.

Nick finds out he is a Grimm aka a monster hunter. Aunty Marie has a trailer full of Grimm gear and it looks like a sex torture dungeon. This drags on and Nick teams up with a reformed monster named Monroe (Silas Weir Mitchell of ‘Prison Break’) to do monster hunting. Various people gurn and this was rubbish and I can’t believe it came from the guy who created ‘Angel’, ‘Profit’ and ‘The Inside’.

Best Lines:
“The rest of her is off trail.”

“What a way to go.”

“This isn’t a fairytale.”

“Bad things happen when we get into a pack.”


Bears Will Be Bears
Two obnoxious punks break into a house and learn the owners are Wesen aka monsters. Nick and his pretty hair learns more mythology: Reapers are dedicated to killing Grimms and there are other Grimms out there. Renard has plans for Nick. Juliette bores.

Monroe shows up and wacky music plays. The annoying Wesen family annoy. There is bad acting and a firm grasp of the idiot ball by all. Monroe pulls a bad guys arm off and the ending was dumb. This bored.

Beeware.
Nick’s stoic expression is inviolate. A woman is murdered via flash mob. Are flash mobs still a thing? People are flippant, cgi bees attack and this show defies logic. I am losing hope that this show will become good. Juliette talks too much. Why doesn’t Nick tell Hank or Juliette that he is a Grimm? A beewoman (Nana Visitor of ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’) lurks, there are really fake honeycombs and Adalind lurks. There is idiot dialogue and this was dire.

Best Lines:
“Easy there 5-0.”

“Don’t you dare say heel.”

“There’s been another flash mob murder.”


Lonelyhearts
Nick wouldn’t have to keep going to Monroe for information if he’d just read the Grimm tomes. Nick bores. There’s a dead woman and a Reaper lurks until Renard slices his ear off. Everyone save Renard is an idiot. This was bad with a stupid ending.

Best Lines:
“Piss off.”
“Okay.”


Danse Macabre
A nasty teacher dies. Hank, Nick and Wu the only cops in Portland look into it. Juliette obsesses over a fridge. Nick and Hank harass trailer trash. Some 1%er bullies are about to get theirs until Nick interferes. I actually fast forwarded through most of this ep as I couldn’t stand any of the obnoxious characters.

The Three Bad Wolves
Nick needs to learn to control his micro expressions as Wesens keep learning who he is. A Wesen’s house is blown up. His sister is a stupid aggressive dumb annoyance who throws herself at Monroe and is violent and stupid. This is like a bad urban fantasy novel. Daniel Roebuck of ‘Lost’ and ‘Nash Bridges’ is the baddie of the week. This was stupid.

Best Line:
“He’s a cop and a Grimm. Is that legal?”

Let Your Hair Down
A Rapunzel type Wesen lurks in the woods. Storytime is over as Nick and Monroe head off to find her. Claudia Christian of ‘Babylon 5’, ‘Hexed’ and ‘The Hidden’ guest stars. Crazy survivalists lurk and this was actually good.

Game Ogre
People are killed by an escaped prisoner who is actually an ogre. The ogre is after Hank and beats up Nick. Juliette is dumb and blubbers and the beaten up Nick has to comfort her. Hank is over wrought. Monroe saves the day and this was good.

Best Line:
“These guys carry grudges to the grave and usually it’s your grave.”

Of Mouse and Men
A mean man is murdered. Juliette bored. She and Nick haven’t improved their security even after an ogre broke into the house and beat Nick up. Monroe gets beat up and again I watched most of this on fast forward as I just did not care.

Best Line:
“You saw a snake dude and lived to tell about it?”

Organ Grinder
Homeless people are being targeted by an evil doctor (Valerie Cruz of ‘Hidden Palms’ and ‘The Dresden Files’) for their blood and organs. There is bad acting, Wesens snacking on humans and Juliette being boring. I did not care and again the fast forward button was employed.

Tarantella
Juliette is stupid and annoying. A spiderwoman (Amy Acker of ‘Angel’, ‘Dollhouse’ and ‘Cabin in the Woods’) eats men. Nick deals with some Wesens who know where he lives. This was dull and I did not care about spiderwoman and her creepy ferret face.

Best Line:
“Be good or a Grimm will come and cut your head off.”