October 24th, 2012

Scary Books

Trailers & a 2001 tape tale

‘Game of Thrones’ Quotes:
“Make the bad man fly!”

“The heart of a stallion would make her son strong and swift and fearless, or so the Dothraki believed, but only if the mother could eat it all. If she had choked on the blood or retched up the flesh, the omens were less favourable; the child might be stillborn of come forth weak, deformed, or female.”

‘Iron Man 3’ trailer
So this is post ‘Avengers’ and the Mandarin is thrashing Tony’s life or something. So where are the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye and SHIELD during all this?

Best Line:
“Ladies, children, sheep.”

Once Upon A Time’ 1x07 promo

‘Grimm’ 2x09 promo
Looks good.

‘Revenge’ 2x05 promo

‘Eastenders’ Quote:
“The lunatic who’s decided to join our family.”

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“Don’t smoke crack!”

“First breast milk hangover.”

“James Bon Jovi Chance.”

“You people are such trash.”

“Made your favourite! Shark melons!”

“In hindsight we realise that giving a serial stabber of male companions access to a knife while she stood next to her new male companion was probably an avoidable mistake.”

“At first Jimmy didn’t handle the idea of getting a serial killer pregnant very well.”

“This skid mark of a bleeding heart.”

“Till death do us part and I didn’t die.”

“I stopped going out at night mostly because I didn’t have friends or money, but I mean the murder thing didn’t help.”

“This family’s character or lack thereof.”

Cleared out a tape from 2001. It opened with a ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ ep ‘Body and Soul’ in which Harry Kim, Seven and The Doctor are chasing comets. Evil anti-hologram aliens show up so the large ham Doctor has to body share with Seven. Cue idiot comedy and a lot of people in velour. This was bad.

Then came a season 5 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Crush’ in which Drusilla returns to Sunnydale. Giles and Spike hang out in Buffy’s house for no clear reason. Dawn mouths off. There is inane babbling, toxic relationships, way too much Spike and bad tracking. This annoyed.

Best Line:
“No threesomes unless it’s boy/boy/girl or Charlize Theron.”

Then came a season 2 ‘Angel’ ep ‘The Thin Dead Line’ in which the idiot Angel is estranged from the gang plot drags on. Anne’s homeless shelter is besieged by zombies. I do not care.

Then there was a ‘Jack of all Trades’ ep ‘Hamnesia’ in which Em gets amnesia and frequents a dive bar known as the ‘Drunken Pig’ and tells the evil Frenchies that Jack is the Daring Dragoon. The talking parrot talks, Em and Jack roll around in a pig pen, Em apparently invented C4 and there is a running of the pigs. This amused in parts even if the evil Frenchies won’t accept that Jack is the Daring Dragoon even though he is the only American on the island!

Best Lines:
“This man is a worm not a serpent.”

“Haven’t you noticed the Dragoon’s American accent? His distinctive jaw? Haven’t you wondered why Jack is never around when the Dragoon is?”

Finally there was a ‘Cleopatra 2525’ ep 'Juggernaut Down!' that had Hel in a bad wig, Cleo sporting nasty pink lipstick, a Bailey falling down a shaft, Betrayers , stuff blowing up, bad blue screen, bad CGI and this was terrible.

‘The Mammoth Book of Horror 23’ Quotes:
“LA’s just full of Satanists.”

“So much for any lingering hope that this could be explained away by sedimentary settlement.”
Scary Books

Wolf Lake 1x06 Reviewed

Four Feet Under
Well the shooting at the end of 1x05 wasn’t just a murder attempt it was a murder. Willard Cates is dead and Kanin spies on the funeral while furiously talking to himself. He calls Luke “James Dean jnr” and mutters the decidedly odd funeral is “different”.

Tyler Creed is naturally the prime suspect. Luke sulks around being a jackass and then sees his mother/stepmother/whatever banging Tyler Creed. Miranda is locked up in a jail cell on top of everything else she is apparently a repeat drunk driver. No one seems to have given or offered her any help since the events of 1x05.

Someone shoots the Sherriff. Kanin springs into action to save the day. The dude who phoned Kanin in 1x01 sending him to Wolf Lake, phones him again. Who is this dude and why should I care?

Luke and Ruby bond over their dead daddy’s grave. Kanin thinks Wolf Lake is in the grip of a cult. Sophia won’t help Kanin find her daddy. The townsfolk of ‘Wolf Lake’ are like Robert from ‘Downton Abbey’ being prejudiced against all johnny foreigners/outsiders.

The Sherriff hallucinates his dead wife due to his wounds. Sophia talks too much. Luke and Tyler have a scuffle. Caribou chilli is consumed and Tyler Creed may just be a minion after all. Ruby marries Tyler, the sheriff rants and Ruby slinks around a sleeping Kanin’s bedroom in her stripperific wedding dress. This was iffy.

Best Lines:
“Any time your quarry takes that many hits, gets up and drives off. It’s a problem.”

“Can’t they enhance it?”
“Only in Oliver Stone movies."
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Scary Books

Elementary (2012 - ?) 1x01 + Alcatraz (2012) 1x01 Reviewed


Sherlock Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller) has escaped from rehab and is shacking up in one of his rich daddy's houses in NY. Dr Joan Watson (Lucy Liu) has been hired to be Sherlock’s sober companion. Sherlock hires a hooker, is covered in trashy tattoos, lets his underwear hang out, wrecks Joan’s car and is in general a git.

He and Joan help Gregson (Aidan Quinn looking puffy) solve a murder. Gregson has an idiot sidekick. Joan seems unsure, Sherlock annoys and has a beehive on the roof. The duo solve the case and catch the man behind the man.

This was okay but is nowhere near as good as ‘Sherlock’. However if and when Moriarty ever shows up, they cannot cast anyone as terrible as Andrew Scott. So why did Sherlock Holmes leave London and relocate to NY? Where are Mycroft, Irene Adler, the Hound and Wiggins? Why is a former surgeon bothered by a body? Is Joan guilty of malpractice?

Best Lines:
“Addict sitter.”

“Prior to my stint in junkie jail...”

“A glorified helper monkey.”

“I don’t guess I observe.”


In 1963, 302 men vanished from Alcatraz. Now they are showing up in the present day unaged and carrying on their crime sprees. One of the inmates, Jack, shows up on the rock. He tracks down the mean deputy warden and his brother to settle old scores.

A really obnoxious detective named Rebecca (madam, you are no Anna Torv) teams up with an author named Dr Diego Soto (Jorge Garcia of ‘Lost’) to figure out what is going on. She runs into a sinister man named Emerson Hauser (Sam Neill) and a Dr Lucy (Parminder Nagra) who know what is going on.

The time travel, abduction, murders, lack of aging, aliens, whatever is going on is greeted with dull surprise by all involved. Rebecca’s uncle Ray (Robert Forster of ‘Heroes’) seems to know what is going on but she is so noxious it doesn’t register.

So what happened in 1963? Why did 302 men vanish? Why are they back now? Where have they been? What is going on? Why does Rebecca claim her dead partner was pushed off a roof? He wasn’t pushed, he fell. There is a not so unexpected twist and a revelation. This is okay, the weird goings on do induce me to watch more.

Best Lines:
“You’ve been waiting for this.”
“A very very long time.”

“You won’t be lonesome long.”