October 11th, 2012

Scary Books

The Kevin Williamson movie Hall of Shame

The Faculty (1998)
This is the bastard offspring of ‘The Breakfast Club’ and ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ as aliens take over a dirty high school. Only Jordana Brewster, Clea Duvall, the untalented Josh Hartnett and Shawn Hatosy stand between the aliens and well, whatever the aliens plan to do. This was illogical and bad.

Halloween H20 (1998)
Jamie Lee Curtis, Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, LL Cool J and the untalented Josh Hartnett are menaced by Michael Myers. This was boring with bad acting, an idiot plot and not enough carnage.

Teaching Mrs Tingle (1999)
A group of entitled students led by Katie Holmes take their teacher Mrs Tingle (Helen Mirren) hostage and imprison her in her own home for the crime of pointing out they are not as smart as they think they are. For some reason the Katie Holmes clique are the heroes of the illogical and horrendously bad film.

Trailers & Quotes

‘Revenge’ 2x03 promo

‘Last Resort’ 5x03 promo #2

‘Children of the Corn’ (2009) trailer
A stupid couple get menaced by pagan kids. Looks okay.

‘Children of the Corn’ (1984) trailer
Evil kids worship corn and there is a lot of yelling.

The only worthwhile episode of ‘Supernatural’ season 4 was ‘It’s The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester’.

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“You colour like a mental patient.”

“It’ll be your fault if I drunk dial my AA sponsor again.”

“Ever since that UPN went off the air I’ve had trouble learning new phrases.”

“Face me and my mom and my dad like a real man!”

“I apologise for chasing you up on your fridge. But I do have to say you have the agility of a squirrel.”

I am reading ‘Head Rush’.

Reviews of: ‘Slashback’, ‘Unremembered’, ‘The Queen is Dead’ and ‘Devil’s Bargain’ forthcoming.

Am holding off on reviews of: ‘Fade to Black’, ‘Hysteria’, ‘Allegiance in Exile’ and ‘Osiris’.
Scary Books

Wolf Lake 1x04 Review

Tastes Like Chicken
Nancy (Bob’s wife from ‘Maximum Bob’) attends an addiction group run by the Sherriff. Is wolf transformation an addiction now like ‘magicks’ on ‘Buffy’? The Cates men folk play pool until pa Cates keels over. Luke is a prat. Meanwhile Kanin looks into a murder, it seems a serial killer has returned. Whoever could it be? Could it be the guest star of the week? The bulimic werewolf Nancy shoves cake into her maw and then purges. Then she prances around in a leather miniskirt in her beauty salon. Kanin talks to the murder victim’s family and finds out that they are upset at they way they’ve been treated.

Ruby is being romanced by Tyler Creed. Luke has issues, nobody cares. Sophia goes missing and Luke is a jerk some more. The nutter/serial killer is obvious. More creepy goings on in town are revealed. Mr Cates gave Ruby to Tyler Creed the town drug dealer - ew. Mrs Cates is Ruby’s stepmother. Mr Cates knows about his wife and Tyler Creed - ew. Mrs Cates fancies the widowed Sheriff and wanted his have his pups. Kanin waves a knife around and isn’t very interesting. This was good. Luke is a man ho, Sophia is ever useless, Ruby has no agency and the Sheriff saves the day.

Best Lines:
“That’s how I got run over by the SUV.”

“And wake up the next morning and find four or five squirrels in the lettuce crisper."

“It’s okay to like yourself.”

“Nicest thing my mom ever said to me was; you need more make up. This from a woman who weighed 300 pounds and had breath like a grave.”

“Heaven is closed to me now.”

“My soul is a black house.”
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Scary Books

Covert Affairs Season 2 review, part 4

Annie’s in Berlin and is made by a former spy named Elsa. Arthur heads off to Berlin to meet Elsa who is former Stasi. Joan gets insecure about Arthur’s love life, again. Arthur is unsure as things have changed since 1989. Joan stirs the pot with Jai. What is her problem?

Arthur runs around Berlin in a black leather jacket with to much product in his hair. Auggie does boring crap. Annie’s bitch sister whines. Nobody notices a car chase. This was bad. Annie needs to tell her bitch sister where to get off.

A Girl Like You
Eyal (Oded Feher) returns to annoy some more. Joan causes more problems. Auggie bangs his new galpal Parker. Annie is an idiot. Joan is an idiot. This bored.

Horse To Water
Annie’s bitch sister keeps on whining, she needs to shut up. Arthur visits a convicted CIA traitor (Bruce Davison) in jail and figures out he is masterminding more treason from inside a supermax prison. Annie is sent to figure out if the traitor’s daughters are in on it. Joan stirs the pot. Jai has work issues. Annie’s bitch sister continues to be a snitty smug twit. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I spend 23 hours a day walking around a 68 square foot room. And I can count on one hand the number of human beings that I have spoken to the last year. So if you’re looking for someone with their ear to the ground, I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place.”
“Forgive me if I don’t weep with sympathy for your living conditions.”

What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?

Some homeless looking guy harasses Annie into helping MI6. Together they harass an art restorer. Jai does stuff. This was not good.

Letter Never Sent
Annie goes on holiday. Her bitch sister crashes the holiday because her husband has been cheating on her. Who could blame him? Jai’s mother continues to be non existent. Joan has lunch with Arthur’s first wife (Rena Sofer). Joan continues to be unapologetic.

There are polygraph shenanigans, Joan wears another of her unending sheath dresses, Annie’s bitch sister turns out to having an emotional affair and Jai does something he can’t take back. Annie has a sudden love revelation concerning Auggie but is shocked that he is happy with Parker and immune to her perk. This was a yawner.

Season 2 was as wildly uneven as season 1. Jai did nothing but lurk while wearing nice suits and Joan continues to be ridiculous. I will watch season 3 as Richard Coyle of ’Going Postal’ will be in it.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Magic Shop + Knight Fantastic

The Magic Shop edited by Denise Little

Every Little Thing She Does

A woman needs help. This is okay.

Winter Phoenix
An excellent story of how Grand Duchess Anastasia Nicolaievna escaped death in 1918.

A Winter’s Tale
There are spooky goings on at a magic shop, this is excellent.

Knight Fantastic edited by Martin H. Greenberg & John Helfers

Squire Thorian’s Trial

A squire gets the chance to become a knight. This is okay.

The Cross of God
A monk’s cousin returns from the crusades with a terrible story. Excellent.

Nights of the Round Table
Two cleaning women deconstruct the knights of the round table. This is okay.

Buried Treasures
One of the last Templar Knights escapes overseas with the Temple’s treasures. Excellent.

In Days of Old
An okay Arthurian comedy.

The Captain of the Guard
A demon lord rules from his mountain fastness. Only the armies of King Ludik oppose him. Viktor Endrik serves the demon lord faithfully with absolute loyalty until a shattering revelation. This is excellent.

The Knight of Hydan Athe
An innkeeper’s daughter learns unpleasant truths. This was good.
Scary Books

Homeland 2x02 + Supernatural 7x16&7x17 Reviewed

Beirut is Back

Carrie gets a lead on Abu Nazir. The vile VP is vile. Brody and his eternally pursed lips is angry. Dana does boring stuff. Carrie freaks out yet again. Mike shows up to annoy, he has suspicions about Walker’s death. Brody ends up in the situation room as the US prepare to take out Abu Nazir and manages to text message a warning. Somehow the US security forces fail to notice this.

What are Brody’s motives? Why did he not let Abu Nazir die? Carrie does more crazy stuff that leads to Saul finding something very important. But what was it doing there? This was okay.

Out With The Wold
There is a ‘Black Swan’ inspired opening due to a cursed object. The brothers look for cursed objects and stumble across more Leviathans. There is bad acting and everyone is vulgar, uneducated and stupid. Anything to do with the Leviathans is boring.

Best Lines:
“I saw ‘Black Swan’. Twice. Hot tutu on tutu action.”

“Call me if you don’t die.”

The Born-Again Identity

Lucifer annoys Sam straight into a locked ward. Neither brother is overly concerned about the missing Frank. It is a shame they never brought Deacon back. It seems Crowley has lifted the demon moratorium on the brothers. So demons show up to bore.

Dean stumbles across the not dead Castiel. Nobody bothers to ask if Jimmy (Castiel’s vessel) is missed by his family. Sam meets a haunted fellow loony bin inmate. Demons are dispatched, I guess saving the hosts has been long forgotten. Meg shows up to bore. This was boring with bad acting and an idiot ending.

Best Line:
“We don’t even have friends. All our friends are dead.”