September 26th, 2012

To Light The Way To Bed

Once Upon A Time 1x02 + Game of Thrones 1x03 Reviewed

The Thing You Love Most

The noxious Henry berates his mother. Regina threatens Emma and offers her apples, subtle she is not. Flashbacks to fairytale land show how the Evil Queen got and cast the Dark Curse. The Evil Queen is a full on soap opera psycho. She hates Snow White because Snow White ruined her happiness. The Evil Queen pays the price for the Dark Curse.

The local newspaper is Storybrooke is run by the Evil Queen’s former Magic Mirror (Giancarlo Esposito of ‘Breaking Bad’). The Sheriff and his wandering accent is ineffectual. Henry is OTT precocious, how does he know about the Dark Curse? Emma (who is played by the poor man’s Sheryl Lee) gets arrested again thanks to Henry’s idiot shrink Dr Hopper (Raphael Sbarge of ‘Star Trek Voyager’).

Emma cuts down Regina’s apple tree and Regina gets Emma flung out of the B&B. Henry acts like a spoilt brat. Mr Gold is knowing. This was okay but it is like ‘Gilmore Girls’ on meth.

Best Lines:
“I’m your mother.”
“No you’re not.”

“There are lines even we shouldn’t cross.”

“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.”

“You’re my only friend.”

Lord Snow

Jamie and the unwashed Ned chat. The Mad King killed Ned’s father. Jamie stabbed the Mad King in the back. Ned learns that King Robert is an idiot. The Prince and his squeaky voice annoy. Who is Warden of the North while Ned is at King’s Landing?

The spoilt brat liar daughter brats. There is blathering about winter and the long night. Lady Stark is an idiot. Jon trains with the Night's Watch. Littlefinger annoys. The bride realises she is Queen of a horde of warriors. Her brother is a moron and throws a temper tantrum. The Nights Watch get no respect.

Who built the wall and why? There is a baby on the way and many agendas. What lies beyond the wall of fake ice? Shadows? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“This room was silent as a crypt cept for the screams of course.”

“The truth will be what you make it.”

“Everyone who isn’t us is an enemy.”

“Winter is coming. This one will be long and dark. Things will come with it.”

“The Starks. Quick tempers, slow minds.”

“I don’t take orders from savages or their sluts.”

“Half the boys you’ve seen training will die north of the wall.”

“When that wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.”

“The Khaleesi have baby inside her.”

“The Nights Watch is the only thing standing between the realm and what lies beyond.”
Scary Books

Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns & Pelts

Cigarette Burns
This series is pretentious and repetitive. The opening credits try too hard. Kirby Sweetman (it’s Daryl from ’The Walking Dead’) is hired to find an infamous film named ‘Le Fin Absolue du Monde’. The soundtrack is full of irritating piano music and John Carpenter directs showing his last good works were 'In The Mouth of Madness' and ‘Prince of Darkness’.

Sweetman’s boss is a rich creep who keeps a thing chained in his closet. A movie critic went insane after seeing the film. Sweetman has little to no reaction to any of this. People who worked on the film are dead and watching it makes you crazy. After an encounter with a perv, Sweetman learns what the film depicted and has no reaction. It all ends in an incoherent gore fest with bad acting. This was okay but made no real sense.

A perv furrier (Meat Loaf) has an obsession with a stripper in this Dario Argento directed tale. After jerks kill a bunch of cute racoons for their pelts, the perv furrier makes a coat so the stripper will have sex with him. There are gore soaked deaths, a crazy woman in the woods and a ludicrous ending. There was no point to this.

Best Lines:
“We gotta call the cops Jake.”
“Yeah yeah. We’ll call ‘em from the highway. Anonymously.”

Trailer & a tape tale of 2002

Doctor Who’ 7x05 promo
Looks good.

Cleared out a tape from 2002. It opened with an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Daemonicus’ in which Monica stares, a convict creates satanic panic, there are dramatic pauses, close ups of clouds and mutterings about evil. This was dreadful. Then came a ‘Queen of Swords’ ep ‘The Pact’ in which there is camp, mutterings and a buried fortune. Peter Wingfield is not in this ep. This show had great opening credits. But this ep was dull.

Then came a season 1 ‘Star Trek: Enterprise’ ep ‘Shockwave’ in which the Enterprise crew are accused of barbecuing a planet. It’s a knock off of the novel ‘Prime Directive’. Archer annoys, there is blathering about the Temporal Cold War and this was dull.

Finally there was an ‘Andromeda’ ep ‘Be All My Sins Remembered’ in which Beka’s old boyfriend (Costas Mandylor of ‘Saw IV’) showed up. This had iffy CGI, bad cyborg make up, bad make up on Trance and Dylan droning in his monotone voice. This was ridiculous.

Best Lines:
“I died.”
“Not enough.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Stranded was a show about people marooned on a mysterious island that’s riddled with religious and scientific paradoxes. It was huge. Well the first season and the last season.”

“That flashback raised more questions than it answered.”

“The first time we lost Maggie was in this store.”

“His first word was a lie.”

“That’s such a first take answer.”

Reviews for: ‘Burning Shadows’, ‘An Embarrassment of Riches’, ‘Mission Impossible 88’, ‘The Rapture’ and ‘Silent Weapons’ forthcoming.

No review of ‘Breed’ just yet.

I am reading ‘Path of the Eclipse’.

‘Path of the Eclipse’ Quote:
“He might himself wrongly denounced. It would not be, he reminded himself, the first time. Or the tenth.”

‘Raising Hope’ Quote:
“I feel their pain. But I assure you it is nowhere hear as painful as pepper spray is from point blank range.”
Scary Books

Nikita 2x12 + Doctor Who 7x04 + True Blood 4x12 Reviewed


Oversight want Division gone thanks to Nikita. What is Oversight’s overall plan? The roid raging terminators aka Guardians plan to spring Percy. Amanda wears excessive eyeliner. Sean is a prat and tries to kill Nikita.

He is foiled by Alex and her princess mermaid hooker hair extensions. Sean gets his shirt off. Alex wears excessive eyeliner. Is that taught at Division? Nikita tries to recruit Sean. Nikita and co learn Division is in peril in a plotline that bears a resemblance to one ‘Alias’ did years ago. This was good.

Best Lines:
“He’d do anything to protect his mother.”
“Great so he’s Norman Bates. Let’s add him to the team.”

“I’ve never killed a member of Oversight. You have.”

“You’ve seen how Oversight eats their own.”

“Twenty minutes after Division pulls the trigger the place will be a mass grave.”
“Nobody would ever find it because nobody even knew it was there.”

“Thanks to you Division has become expendable.”

The Power Of Three

Millions of strange black cubes appear on Earth and the Doctor moves in with the Ponds to puzzle out this slow invasion. Professor Brian Cox has a cameo. Rory’s dad is bumbling, There is no mention of Miracle Day or Torchwood. Amy writes travel articles now, wasn’t she a model? UNIT show up led by a useless woman (Jemma Redgrave) . Whatever became of Sally Sparrow?

Rory and Amy like real life which probably means they’ll both die horribly in 7x05. The cubes do stuff, Amy wears too much blusher and there is a sappy ending. This was good.

Best Lines:
“You’ve got a job?”
“Of course I’ve got a job. What do you think we do when we’re not with you?”

“There are soldiers all over my house and I’m in my pants.”

“You just married Henry VIII.”

And When I Die

The Bon Temps population needs to terminate their noise exchanges. Jesus fails to notice his boyfriend is possessed by Marnie until she stabs him to death. Sookie makes it all about her. There is no police investigation of any of this. Whatever became of Hot Shot?

Hoyt beats up Jason. Samhain is mispronounced. Arlene’s daughter dresses up as Jenelle from ‘Teen Mom 2’ for Halloween. Holly looks like a She-Ra doll. Eric and Bill are chained shirtless to a stake and Marnie plans to burn them. Sadly Sookie, Holly and Tara foil her. Why is Marnie in a muumuu during all this?

Ghosts show up. Arlene gets a warning from Rene. Sookie makes a boring speech. Jason gets a visitor and other plots for season 5 are set up. Nan shows up ranting about Bill’s backwoods kingdom and small town witch infestation and finally gets what’s coming to her. There is a cliffhanger and this was okay.

Best Lines:
“You talked to the dead because they were your only friends.”

“You’re going to be trick or treating down at the trailer park again. Now do you want a bag of empty Coors cans and food stamps? Or do you want candy?”

“Usually I just light a candle and ask the spirits to make sure my boys don’t end up in jail or knock somebody up. So far that’s worked out okay.”

“I refuse to be retired like a fat first wife.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Writ In Blood + an overview of 'The Ring of Fire' series

Writ In Blood by Chelsea Quinn Yarbo

It is 1910 and Saint-Germain is again resident in Russia. Czar Nicholas II gives him an assignment to deliver a proposed arms reduction treaty to England and Germany. But petty bureaucrats and arms dealers plot against the Count. Also the Count meets his latest love, the highly annoying Rowena Saxon. She would return to inflict herself on readers again in the bad ‘Midnight Harvest’.

Count-Germain is spied on by the infamous Sidney Reilly and a debauched German noble plots. This takes a while to get going and when it does it becomes an enjoyable spy/intrigue tale even if Rowena and her vexatious stalker/ex-fiancée bore. The coming storm of WW1 hangs over everything even if some people are too stupid to see what is coming.

Here is a quick overview of Eric Flint’s ‘The Ring of Fire’ series. Well so far.

Good entries in the series:
1633 (with David Weber)
1634: The Baltic War (with David Weber)
1634: The Galileo Affair (with Andrew Dennis)
1635: The Cannon Law (with Andrew Dennis)
1635: The Dreeson Incident (with Virginia DeMarce)
1635: The Eastern Front
Ring of Fire

Bad Entries in the series:
1634: The Bavarian Crisis (with Virgin DeMarce)
1635: The Ram Rebellion (with Virginia DeMarce et al)
1636: The Saxon Uprising
Ring of Fire II
Grantville Gazette
Grantville Gazette II
1635: The Tangled Web (with Virginia DeMarce)
Ring of Fire III

Not Yet Read
1636: The Kremlin Games
Grantville Gazette III-VI
1635: Papal Stakes