September 18th, 2012

To Light The Way To Bed

Once Upon A Time 1x01 + Game Of Thrones 1x02 Reviewed


In fairytale land, Snow White married Prince Charming but the Evil Queen (wearing a cast off outfit from ‘Tin Man’) promised to unleash a curse. The curse dumped all the fairy tale characters into the real world with no memory of their past in a time locked town called Storybrooke.

Emma Swan meets Henry the horrible brat son she gave up for adoption. She drives him back to his adoptive mother in Storybrooke. Emma soon notices that the adoptive mom Regina aka Evil Queen is nasty. She decides to stay to keep an eye on the horrible Regina.

Snow White (Gennifer Goodwin of ’Big Love’) is now a teacher with a bad haircut. Prince Charming is comatose and Robert Carlyle (of ‘SGU’) lurks and overacts. Emma Swan is the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming but she and they do not know that. Emma was never placed in her crib with a unicorn mobile instead she was tossed into a magic wardrobe to save her from the curse.

Henry knows stuff and annoys. The town clock tower does not work. This soap opera is better than the crappy ‘The 10th Kingdom’. It’s enjoyable, I’ll see how it goes.

Best Lines:
“No more happy endings!”

“This is my happy ending!”

“I’m sorry that my heart attack interfered with your plans to sleep your way down the Eastern seaboard.”

The Kingsroad

The new bride is not happy with her horse lord but she learns some sex tips and things pick up. The snotty Prince snots. Bran is not dead. The Queen talks about her dead son in order to create the illusion of depth and empathy. Jon heads off to join the Night's Watch who have guarded the wall for 8000 years. Against what one might ask?

Lady Stark is mean to the bastard, probably because he seems to be Ned’s favourite. Who is Jon’s mother? Why do I think Jon will end up as King when this is all over?

An assassin gets eaten by Bran’s wolf. The repulsive Prince annoys and can’t act. Ned Stark realises the King is a bad King and that the Royal Family are horrible people. A wolf goes to wolf heaven and a boy is killed all because one stupid Stark daughter wants to marry the Prince who is obviously not the son of the King.

This was ridiculous, the only character I felt for was poor dead Lady the direwolf.

Best Lines:
“Little brother.”
“Beloved siblings.”

“There are still those in the Seven Kingdoms who call me usurper.”

“He will not cross and if by chance he does. We’ll throw him back into the sea.”

“There’s a war coming Ned.”

“Before my brother bought me for you it was my job to make men happy.”

“My father was the Hand Of The King for 20 years.”
“Until your brother killed that King.”

“You rode him down?”
“He ran, not very fast.”
Scary Books

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 13 Reviewed

Guarded part 3

Hell dimensions have wifi and Skype apparently, even in the White Room. Buffy punches Kennedy to show what a class act she is. Am I supposed to care about the demon? Because I do not. Buffy has the same epiphany she has had before yet again. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“You almost got our client’s head chopped open by a guy with magic pizza cutters for hands.”

“This much money fits in one cheque?”
Scary Books

Nikita 2x11 + Missing 1x10 Reviewed

Pale Fire

Shouldn’t Alex’s name be Alexandra Udinova? There are flashbacks to seven years ago. Owen and Michael have issues over Nikita. As for Nikita she’s long forgotten about Daniel. Alex spends some time with her truly pathetic mother. Amanda wants Ryan to help her get rid of Oversight. What became of that kid she recruited back in season 1?

Percy gives Ryan a good slap. Alex’s mother is even more pathetic than Carol in ’The Walking Dead’. Michael infiltrates a gathering of Guardians but is too well known as Percy’s right hand man. This was tense and good.

Best Lines:
“You’re going to walk in there, alone. And meet with two Guardians. We barely managed to take down one of them together.”

“Don’t stop until we get to Brussels just to be safe.”
“I’m not slowing down until this thing runs out of gas.”

Rain On The Evil And The Good

Dax finally grows a brain. Paul escapes from prison. Michael is stupid. Becca is puffy, no wonder Paul faked his death. He didn’t want to wake up to that every morning. Why was Michael kidnapped at all? Michael’s girlfriend has a blank expressionless face and she gives a silly pep talk.

Violet is smug. Becca and Paul remember their carry on in 1997. Becca crosses a line and Violet is smug one time too many. Finally the show has returned to its early promise. The CIA run around Turkey. There is a silly slo-mo hug. All this took place in two weeks apparently. Becca makes speeches and strikes a pose. Michael is still a slack jawed idiot. This was good but the unnecessary cliffhanger was annoying.

Best Lines:
“He’s probably following you down the street right now dragging his IV behind him.”

“Can’t take a bullet like he used to.”

“Martin’s in the wind and your son is in the Bosphorus.”
Scary Books

Trailers and Quotes

‘Last Resort’ trailer
A submarine crew are told to destroy a country. They disobey orders and hide out on an island. This TV show looks good and it has Scott Speedman and Dichen Lachman in it.

Best Line:
“We do not obey a government that tries to murder its own. Test us and we will all burn together.”

Reviews of ’Covert Affairs’ season 2 forthcoming.

So ’Jericho’ season 4 issue 2 has been delayed, sigh.

The cover for ’Star Trek The Next Generation: Cold Equations 1’ is out and it is fugly. Sigh.

‘Kindred: The Embraced’ opening credits:
Nice credits for this short lived show.

‘Doctor Who’ 7x04 promo

‘Switch’ promo
This new ITV2 show stars Lacey Turner as a member of a coven of witches in Camden. It looks funny.

Best Lines:
“We should really start using non-stick.”

“Before I met you I was gay.”

‘Robin Hood’ (2010) Quote:
“Mother, your sainted son was an imbecile. And you supported his every folly from here to Jerusalem and back. Yes, you worshipped him when the warrior lost territories hard won by his father. You kissed his picture while England had to pay four years’ revenue to ransom him when he was captured. You are just as much to blame as him for the wreckage which is my inheritance.”

‘The Green Hornet’ (2011) Quotes:
“Think about this, Kato. What is the one insanely stupid thing every superhero has in common?”

“We will pose as villains, but we’ll act like heroes.”
“But then the police and the bad guys will both try to kill us.”

‘Smash’ Quote:
“Marilyn Monroe in the flesh. All ready to film yet another thrilling movie about a dumb blonde.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Return to X-Isle + Seven Wonders + Eleanor of Aquitaine

Return To X-Isle by Peter Lerangis

From 2004 comes this horror sequel. I’ve not read ‘X-Isle’ yet. On Essex Island, a killer is on the loose and supernatural events are happening. This is a ‘Scream’ like romp that ends in a cliffhanger. There was however no follow up. Still this is an okay fun read.

Best Line:
“You took a dead body down from a hanging shark jaw in a restaurant. This is not a normal everyday occurrence.”

Seven Wonders by Adam Christopher

San Ventura is a city under threat by the supervillian The Cowl. The city is supposed to be protected by superhero team the Seven Wonders but they don’t seem to actually care or ever do their jobs.

When nobody Tony Prosdocimi develops superpowers he decides to take on The Cowl himself. Things don’t go like he thought they would. Thus a superhero adventure kicks off and the heroes and villains are not who you think.

Like ‘After The Golden Age’ and ‘Soon I Will Be Invincible’ this is a wonderful deconstruction of superhero myths. This is very good.

Eleanor of Aquitaine By the wrath of God, Queen of England by Alison Weir

Eleanor of Aquitaine was one of the most remarkable women of the Middle Ages. She married two Kings, gave birth to Richard the Lionheart and bad King John, went on Crusade, helped found a dynasty and lived to the age of 82 in an era where a women was lucky to live to be 27.

She was controversial, wilful and the subject of much controversy. This is an enjoyable biography of a fascinating woman in a fascinating time.