August 14th, 2012

Scary Books

Trailers and a 2000 Tape Tale

‘Livid’ trailer
This French horror has creepy ballerinas, weirdness and looks good.

‘I Come In Peace’ trailer
Alien drug dealers vs. the double team of Brian Benben and Dolph Lundgren. Yeah!

Review of ‘Tooth Fairy’ coming soon.

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Throw her in the pit of boring wives.”

“Cease your dragging.”

Cleared out a tape from 2000. It opened with an ‘X Files’ ep ‘The Sixth Extinction’ in which Scully is in a tent on a beach navel gazing, Mulder is insane and psychic and Skinner bores. This ep also bored. Then came a ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘Ties That Bind’ in which Xena meets an old warrior who claims to be her daddy. It is yet another of Ares’ cunning plans. This has perms and fighting. It too bored.

Then came an ‘Angel’ ep ‘Somnambulist’ in which Angel comes up against a vampire mistake he is responsible for. Kate investigates a serial killer. Wesley bores and the serial killing vamp o’the week Penn is played by non other than Jeremy Renner who bore a bizarre resemblance to Luke Perry at this point in time.

Angelus’ terrible Irish accent is shown off in flashbacks as is Penn’s ugly wig. In the ‘present’ he has a soul patch and frosted blonde tips. Judging by Renner’s ‘acting’ in this ep, the fact he ever got two Oscar nominations is a miracle.

Kate finds out the big secret. Penn is defeated and Cordelia is stupid. This was okay, it certainly was more entertaining then ITV’s dreadful new drama ‘13 Steps Down’.

Best Lines:
You can’t walk into a police precinct with intimate knowledge of these murders and claim a 200 year old puritan’s responsible.”

“I got held up in Romania.”
“Romania? What’s in Romania?”

“People change.”
“We’re not people.”

“I understand, I was a puritan remember?”
Scary Books

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 12 Review

Guarded, Part 2

Lovecraft like monsters are using social media. TPTB just keep finding ways to loophole the ‘no magic’ clause don’t they? Buffy and Kennedy take on demon tech. It seems computer code can open a portal to a hell dimension. Buffy makes yet another bad choice. This was okay but I do not see the point of season 9 and we are 12 issues in.
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Outstanding Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes + Burning Water + April Fool's Day

The Outstanding Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes by Gerard Kelly

A enjoyable collection of interconnected Holmes pastiches. Leaving aside the occasional asspull ending, this was good.

A Slaying In Suburbia
Holmes solves a shooting. Dull.

The Mystery of the Golden Cockerel
Holmes solves an over elaborate murder in a French restaurant. Silly.

The Mysterious Death of the Kennington Verger
Watson’s niece needs Holmes to save her man from a murder charge. Okay.

The Riddle of the Carstairs Legacy
A man will inherit a fortune of he can solve some complex riddles. Okay.

The Mystery of the Locked Study
A suicide takes place in a locked room. Or does it? Okay.

The Adventure of the Black Arrow
A woman is kidnapped. Holmes and Watson to the rescue. Okay.

The Paddington Pyromaniac
A firebug is loose. Dull.

The Mysterious Disappearance of the Good Ship Alicia
Holmes solves the mystery of a vanished ship. Good.

Catacausis Ebriosus
Holmes and Watson are called to the scene of a mysterious death. Okay.

The Prodigal Quest
A man comes looking for his long lost family. Good.

The Mayfair Strangler
A serial killer is on the loose and Holmes must stop him, while Watson blusters. Good.

The Chamber of Sorrow Mystery
The duo expose a fake medium. Okay.

The Peddler of Death
A murderer strikes. Good.

Burning Water by Mercedes Lackey

From 1989 comes this 1st of the 3 Diana Tregarde Investigations Lackey wrote before inexplicably abandoning the series.

Detective Mark Valdez met Diana Tregarde at college in 1970 during a spell gone wrong. Now in the ‘present’ she is a romance writer, investigator of unnatural events and a witch. Together Mark and Diana fight a mass murdering malevolent evil loose in Dallas.

This is good. We get hints of back-story, a fight against a very old evil, author tracts on the wonders of the neo-pagan movement and magic. This was a good read.

April Fool’s Day by Jeff Rovin

A novelisation of the 1986 comedy horror about Muffy St John‘s unforgettable party at her island home. Rovin has cut out all the comedy and added a lot of unpleasantness, classism and misogyny. Instead of being harmless idiots, the characters are now all perverted unpleasant offensively stupid thugs.

Also the plot is altered and the toxic immoral jerks aren’t the least bit entertaining. There is too much mealy mouth dialogue, violating of boundaries, waffle and inappropriate goings on. This is badly written and a let down as the movie’s sense of fun is utterly absent as all the characters keep their tickets on the bitter bus.