July 24th, 2012

Scary Books

Book Review: Sadie Walker is Stranded

Sadie Walker is Stranded by Madeleine Roux

This is the deeply disappointing sequel to ‘Allison Hewitt is Trapped’. Sadie, her brat nephew and BF escape Seattle by boat when it is over run by the walking dead. A storm causes the boat to beach on an island.

Also are the island are other survivors and more walking dead. But I don’t care. The characters are either smug, unpleasant or dumb. I didn’t care about them or the plot. This was utterly utterly dreadful.

Best Line:
“My life turned into an endless loop of 28 Days Later.”
Scary Books

Trailers & Quotes

‘Dredd’ Trailer
I actually want to see this now.

‘Man of Steel’ trailer
Look interesting and very very different from the 70s movies.

‘Gates’ promo
This new Tom Ellis show looks amusing.

Best Lines:
You must be Year 6.”
“I’m the Headmaster.”

I am reading ‘A Fire In The Sun’.

The X Files’ Quotes:
“You can’t threaten me.”
“I just did.”

“I want to be abducted by aliens.”
“Why? Whatever for.”
“I hate this town, I hate people, I just want to be taken away to someplace where I don’t have to worry about finding a job.”

“The men in black, that they purposely dress and behave strangely do if that anyone tries to describe an encounter with them, they come off sounding like a lunatic.”
“I find absolutely no reason why anyone would think you crazy if you described this meeting of ours.”

‘Forever Knight’ quotes:
“You don’t do this on people do you?”
“Unfortunately that would be considered unethical.”

Father Ted’ Quote:
“Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Better get back on those anti-psychotic meds.”

“I’ve been to classier gas stations.”

‘Role Models’ Quote:
“You know what I used to eat for breakfast? Cocaine.”

‘A Fire In The Sun’ Quote:
“If there was a cheaper hustler in the Budayeen, I never met him.”

Absolutely Fabulous’ Quotes:
“I think I can see a panty line.”
“Oh but Edie, I’m not wearing any pants.”

‘Suburgatory’ Quotes:
“How do you like suburbia? Gorgeous right? Green grass, blue skies, nothing smells like urine.”

“You’d be amazed how often that happens. Good news is, because of the implants: nobody drowns.”

“I’m not dressed because like I have a pole in my locker.”

“Her personality was as flat as her hair.”

“I was starting to feel like I was living in a horror movie.”

Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

8 years have passed since the duff ‘The Dark Knight’. Bruce Wayne comes out of retirement after being bothered by Selina Kyle and Bane (Tom Hardy). Some uninteresting rich bad dude does uninteresting things, Bruce overlooks the obvious baddie and the lardy Bane and his really silly voice carries out a convoluted plan.

Various characters run around doing things. Jon Blake gets a lot of screen time, the cute mayor seems to have lost IQ points since ‘The Dark Knight’, Bruce looks pained a lot, Selina’s sidekick falls by the wayside and not much makes sense.

Bane does indeed sound like ‘Gore Vidal with a bucket on his head’ as one critic put it. The more you think about this movie, the less sense it all makes. This movie is okay, but the villains are totally underwhelming. But it has capes, fetish wear, silly masks, idiots, riots and an imploding football field.
  • Current Music
    Treading Water - Alex Clare
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Scary Books

Missing 1x04 Review

Tell Me No Lies

Becca visits her CIA mentor Martin (Keith Carradine) and learns some ugly truths about Paul. Becca stews in moral outrage. Becca and co chase down the assassin who killed Paul. Who is paying for all this?

Becca has numerous flashbacks to her past with Paul and she wore a hideously unflattering wedding dress and veil. A CIA big wig (Gina McKee) is unhelpful. There is a long chase scene and a not unexpected revelation. Who did they cast as Paul? That explains a lot. Becca’s reads Paul’s top secret CIA file in public. Meanwhile Michael is a snot. This was okay and I’m curious as to what is going on.
  • Current Music
    Stay - Shakespears Sister
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To Light The Way To Bed

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 9 Issue 11 Reviewed

Guarded part 1

Kennedy and a group of slayers have set up a bodyguard business. Kennedy offers Buffy a job. Buffy naturally is thankless and never listens. Kennedy is doing more for the slayer army than Buffy ever did.

The cops have set up a zompire task force. This was good but Buffy needs to stop being selfish and self obsessed.
Scary Books

Primeval 5x06 + Nikita 2x03 Reviewed

Primeval 5x06

Bad CGI, Philip is deluded and Connor, Abby and Matt run around in the future where the sky is the colour of urine. But if the air is toxic, how are they not dead? Emily is useless. There is ominous Latin chanting. Philip and his wrinkled suit has an abrupt change of heart. There is panic.

Lester and Jess are menaced. Why did ITV axe ‘Moving Wallpaper’? Jess is useless, Lester is in peril and Abby proposes to Connor. All seems well and then there is a cliff-hanger. No series 6, please no series 6.

Best Lines:
“Helen won and I helped her.”

“Plan A was rubbish.”


Ramon, a notorious assassin strikes, again. Alex is obsessed with Nikita. Amanda asks Alex to kill a Zetrov big wig. The blank and expressionless Alex has a flashback. Sean annoys. A reporter (Rekha Sharma of ‘Battlestar Galactica’) knows more than she lets on.

There is a big revelation. Michael is in peril and Nikita has to stop him going to live in space with Jesus. Ramón (Simon Kassianides) is fascinating. What became of him? Will we see him again? The bitter and desperate Alex needs to go away. This was not good apart from Ramón.

Best Lines:
The crazy anarchist takes the blame. No one asks questions, not even cable news.”

“If there’s anything that Percy knows how to do it’s how to buy a man’s soul. He owned mine for 10 years.”

“You don’t want to get into a knife fight with a Russian.”
“I am Russian.”
Scary Books

The Walking Dead 2x06 + 2x07 Reviewed

Maggie refuses to explain the madness behind the barn full of walkers. There are no lookouts, the barn is not reinforced, the farm is not protected and nobody scavenges from town. But the dim bulbs are still looking for Sophia. Lori freaks over Carl wanting to know how to use a gun.

Finally there is gun practice, but how do they get replacement ammo? Hershel shows how delusional he is. Shane is a sexist jackass. Lori will not stop whining. Andrea stomps off in a snit. Carol is still not looking for her kid.

Dale interferes and pot stirs. Maggie’s stupid and rude. Shane and Andrea face down a zombie horde and get it on, without an concern about zombies showing up mid coitus. What do Lori and Andrea see in the violent awful Shane? Rick shows he isn’t as dumb as he lets on. This ep ends very abruptly. This was okay.

Pretty Much Dead Already
Carol is STILL NOT LOOKING FOR HER KID. Call Dr Phil. Glenn tells about the barn which is not secure. The dim bulbs start yelling next to a barn full of walkers. Shane continues to act like he is on meth. Maggie is stupid and petty. Dale tells Andrea how to behave.

Hershel is a deluded jackass. Shane is obsessed with Lori, why? Maggie has laundry to do. Shane goes crazy. The barn door is opened. This was okay.
To Light The Way To Bed

Retro Review: Murder Most Horrid (1991-1999) Series 1

The Case Of The Missing
A murder happens in the middle of the day in front of a bus full of people. But the traffic PC (Dawn French) sent to investigate can't figure out that the Masons are behind it all. This is a fairly good start, a light satire on all those Mason conspiracy stories.

Best Lines:
"He was drawing attention to our activities."
"Not as much as he is swinging over the River Bam with his trousers at half mast and a chest full of trowels."

The Girl From Ipanema
Maria (French again) is sent from from Brazil to work as maid for the Howling family. She is treated badly by the new money jerks. Then she learns they own the gold mine that polluted her village. So Maria comes up with a cunning plan to get rid of the Howlings and get all their lovely money for her own. This was excellent.

Best Line:
"Avarice and revenge, the ugliest coupling since Sarah Brightman and Andrew Lloyd-Webber."

He Died A Death
A West End play entitled The Catflap is full of backstage luvvie rivalry. The washed up star Judy (French, overacting) goes beserk when her co-star (Tony Slattery, before his bipolar/cocaine meltdown) is to be the star of a washing powder ad.

Then her co-star is done in during the matinee. Luckily a group of cops were in the theatre, so they can 'solve' the murder. Ben Miller (of 'Primeval' and 'Moving Wallpaper') has a tiny role. This was good with a very funny ending.

Best Line:
"Hands up foreign chummy. I arrest you on suspicion of being Irish"

A Determined Woman
This was not good. Rita (French) kills her husband in a fit of temper. She gets five years and when she gets out, what does she do? She builds a time machine to put right what once went wrong. However it all goes wrong as she creates a time loop. This just bored.

Murder At Tea Time
A good cruel satire on 'Blue Peter'. Bunty (French, being creepy) is the beloved host of a long running childrens tv show. But she is also a vile evil cow. When her new young hip co-star Colin upstages her, Bunty decides Colin (Dexter Fletcher of 'Press Gang') has to go and go for good. But Bunty has no idea that a creepy child viewer is more than a match for her.

Mrs Hat And Mrs Red
Katie Hatcliffe (French, of course) is a dowdy nobody who sees her doppelganger the rich bitch Mrs Sonya Redfern (French again) one day. Hatcliffe follows Mrs Redfern home and sees her turn her back on her family for her moron toyboy lover.

Hatcliffe breaks in and steals Redfern's identity, life, family, friends and husband. Everything is wonderful as people are glad Mrs Redfern is suddenly nice and kind. It's 'Ringer' without NY. Meanwhile Redfern returns home one day in search of a credit card and the identity theft is exposed. But Mr Redfern likes his new life and action is taken. This was good. Shame 'Ringer' didn't end like this ep does.

I'll review series 2 soon enough.