July 10th, 2012

Scary Books

The Walking Dead 2x02 + 2x03 Reviewed

Bloodletting

Rick overacts and stumbles across a farm. Carl is stupid. Lori needs to shut her dirty whore mouth. Dale annoys. There is screaming and yapping. Shane and the slack jawed Otis head off to an over run FEMA shelter for medical supplies. Andrea is really unobservant. The farm is full of idiots. Sophia causes more trouble even while still missing. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Nearest hospital went up in flames a month ago.”

“There is no cure”

“Merle got the clap on occasion.”


~
Save The Last One

Zombies attack. Andrea grows a brain. Lori rants. Shane is nefarious and gives himself a bad haircut. Carol is not looking for her child. Why hasn’t she been taught how to use a gun? Carol is utterly pathetic. T-Dog has his wound treated. There is yapping and disgusting behaviour. This was okay.
PromNight2

Trailers and Stuff

I am reading ‘Disappearing Nightly’.

‘Total Recall’ trailer
Uh, no.

‘Dallas’ (2012) theme
Where are the picture credits?

‘Psych’ 6x03 promo
Hee!

Coming Soon: reviews for ‘Young Adult’, ‘Chronicle’, ‘The Ice House’, ‘A Fire in the Sun’ and ‘11.22.63’.

The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Why do old squirrels always crawl into my engine to die?”

“The pages are churned out by a roomful of pill-popping Lit majors desperate for work.”

“I got the idea from every movie ever made.”

~

'Don't Trust The B---- In Apartment 23' Quotes:

"Chloe! Get in the cab!"
"Shut up goblin! I don't know you!"

Scary Books

Nikita 2x01 + Primeval 5x04 Reviewed

Game Change

Why does Nikita not wear clothes? When did Michael get the bad haircut? Nikita has doubts and wallows in mush. Alex slaps people and has hooker hair extensions. Amanda runs Division. Alex plans to regain her father’s empire. An Oversight goon named Sean lurks being annoying. There is exposition and Percy resides in a glass box that does not appear to have a toilet.

Nikita and Michael break a man out of a military prison. There are bad CGI drones. Someone else has escaped Division. Alex annoys and is stupid. Sean is a git. There is bad acting. How much time has passed since season 1? This was crap, still Alex did get a beat down.

~
Primeval 5x04

Connor is stupid, Emily hangs around like a bad smell, bugs invade and there is terrible security. Connor calls Abby stupid, why is she still dating him again? Where is Lester? The hag Emily needs to shut up. Becker might as well be a lamp for all that he gets to do. Connor sulks when people don’t treat him like he is special.

Becker is useless, Jess has a plot convenient allergy, April overacts, Philip lurks and I would love to see Dog The Bounty Hunter spray Connor with bear mace. Jess twitches and is useless. Rex lurks. Connor is the biggest moron that God ever put breath into.

Why doesn’t Jess just die? The bad CGI bugs are defeated. Connor finally gets a clue that Philip has no value for human life. This was okay.
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Review: Anna Dressed In Blood

Anna Dressed In Blood by Kendra Blake

Cas Lowood hunts ghosts. He’s a broody teenage boy armed with a magic knife, has a dead dad and a self proclaimed destiny to dispose of ghosties. He’s Dean Winchester in other words. Anyway Cas arrives in a new town with his doormat mother to hunt his latest target: Anna Dressed In Blood.

She is a murderous blood drenched ghost and Cas acquires some unexpected allies in his quest to get rid of her. But with Anna Dressed In Blood, nothing is as it seems. Cas’ quest goes in unexpected directions. This is a very good book with plenty of plot setup for the sequel: ‘Girl of Nightmares’.
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Scary Books

Missing 1x02 Review

The Hard Drive

Rebecca’s been shot and is on watch lists. She gets herself arrested and eyeballs her French nemesis Antoine (Joaquim De Almeida). Rebecca and her puffy face make an unholy deal. The Jeremy Renner wannabe CIA dude annoys. There are secrets and corruption. There is back-story, plots, counterplots and a character with an idiot name. This was good.

Best Lines:
Enjoy the hospitality of our penal system.”

“The guy’s toxic.”

“The men in her life tend to meet unhappy ends.”
Scary Books

Revenge 1x07 Review

Charade

A reporter (Alicia Coppola of ‘Jericho’) writes a story on the Grayson’s 25th. Tyler annoys, Nolan annoys and Frank lets Emily know he is onto her. Jack pulls faces. Everyone is morose, this is no ‘Profit’.

It is revealed that raging hypocrite Victoria stole Conrad from his first wife. Where did she go? Frank hunts down the truth about Emily and locates the real Emily who is stripping under the alias of Amanda Clarke. It seems she gets a lot of perverted customers on the strength of her fake name and the fact that Time magazine called Amanda the ‘daughter of the devil’.

Nolan uncovers Tyler’s secret and there is an unexpected hook-up. Declan and Daniel storm off. Victoria goes OTT. Frank is about to blow the Emily/Amanda identity switch but does not get a chance to. Declan and Charlotte bore, someone wakes up and someone exits the show via a tire iron. This didn’t grab me, it was about as substantial as Ice Magic Sauce.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: The Amazing Spiderman + St Trinians: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold + Confined

The Amazing Spiderman (2012)

This reboot was totally unnecessary. Peter Parker is a rude punk who destroys other people’s property and gets people killed and does not care. Aunt May and Uncle Ben should have thrown him out of the house as soon as he began acting like a meth addict. Gwen Stacey is a twit with no concept of appropriate attire.

The 3D was fuzzy. One of Peter Parker’s first acts with his powers is to rip a woman’s shirt off. Classy. Who was the man in the mid credits scene? Why should I care? Why did George Stacey (Denis Leary) utter a one liner before firing his shotgun? Why did Oscorp have no security?

Peter Parker was a violent punk with the mental acumen of a toddler, the crane sequence was ridiculous and Rhys Ifans was wasted. This was a waste of time.

~
St Trinians: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

The schoolgirls from hell seek “super sized pile of bling” aka pirate treasure in this disjointed sequel. Annabel is head girl now but still disappears from most of the run time. Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud pops up as a St Trinians student who wears a two inch long skirt and gets disproportionate screen time for her plot importance.

A new clique show up the ‘ecos’ while the ‘chavs’ have renamed themselves ‘rude girls’. An evil sexist git (David Tennant) is the nemesis of this film. Colin Firth shows up to gurn, the man won an Oscar not too long after. There is possession, animation, slow motion, disguises, musical numbers and an improv performance of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. This is fluffy okay entertainment.

Best Lines:
“I can’t believe right that we’re going to dig up some rank dead geezer on the off chance he’s got a clue.”

“Mad as a bag of gerbils.”

“All the crap bits taken out, like poverty and fascism and Miley Cyrus.”


~
Confined (2010)

A couple (played by David James Elliot and Emma Caulfield) and their daughter move into a new house. Wifey becomes convinced their neighbour (Michael Hogan of ‘Battlestar Galactica’) is a nutter who has someone locked up in the cellar.

The cops don’t listen and hubby think his wife is stressed out over the perpetually overcast weather and the fact there is no deli. This was boring and descends into a typical climax with a yapping nutter wielding a shovel.