Coming Soon: reviews of ‘Covert Affairs’ season 2, ‘True Blood’ season 4 and ‘St Trinian’s 2’.
I won’t review ‘The Long Earth’.
I am reading ‘Grim Tides’.
I like Sweet Tarts.
‘Grim Tides’ Quote:
“He worships an evil sea-god that doesn’t even exist. Pathetic. If I worshipped an imaginary sea-god, you’d better believe it would start existing, and quick.”
When The Levee Breaks
Ben Mercer shows up at the CIA to be smug. Back-story is revealed. Jai and his dad have a cryptic chat. Ben, Annie and Jai head off to save a scientist. Liza sneers and annoys. There is product placement.
Ben is insufferably smug, spouts BS and Annie falls for it. Liza’s source is revealed. This was okay, I will probably check out season 2 even if season 1 was wildly uneven.
“Ben’s plans only involve himself.”
Family Reunion, part 1
Willow has shown up to be a snot. She wants to bring magic back to save the world, sure. Nadira the annoying ex-slayer annoys. There is a road trip to LA. Gunn and Connor return. Where is Illyria? Wasn’t Gunn a vampire? Willow is selfish. WTF is the big deal about Giles? Nobody seems to care that Tara and Anya are also dead. This was good.
What Lies Ahead
The gang head out of Atlanta. Rick mutters to Morgan, where is Morgan anyway? The gang run into a pile up and start scavenging. Somehow they fail to notice the swarm of walkers sneaking up on them. Lori annoys, the woman has about as much sense as the sabre tooth squirrel from the ‘Ice Age’ movies.
Shane pulls Tasmania Devil faces. Andrea hides in the RV toilet. Everyone is stupid especially Lori who is also a cheating white trash ho. Someone is injured, someone kills a walker with a screwdriver and stupid Sophia runs off and gets lost. Carol is useless. Why doesn’t she look for her child instead of standing around whinging? Why is everyone so stupid?
Lori whines at Shane about ignoring her. They ignore a radio message. Daryl and Rick dissect a zombie. Dale patronises Andrea and everyone else. Lori causes trouble, Carol assigns blame and Dale is called out. Shane needs to go and Carol turns out to be even more pathetic then she appears to be. Lori is snotty. Rick looks for a sign and gets one. This was okay but extremely frustrating due to dumbness and stupidity.
Tyler annoys. Lydia is not dead. Frank gets fired. Conrad is a tool. The boring Jack/Emily/Daniel triangle drags on being boring. Declan is selfish, a thief, a liar and gets way too much screen time. Ashley is dumb and Tyler carries on his bizarre plan of whatever he is doing. This was terrible.
“Anyone who needs reminding shouldn’t come.”
“I suggest you go someplace very far away from here.”
“Next time you bleed.”
The Springheel Jack murders are taking place in Victorian London, Emily runs around being stupid. Meanwhile in the ‘present’ in the still altered timeline that nobody cares has been altered - Connor ignores his duties and Abby. A raptor gets sent to the 1860s and it was Springheel Jack.
Matt goes back after it because he is an attention seeking glory hog. He reunites with the harpy Emily and is chased by her horrible husband. There is bad acting, Becker lurks in the background and Connor is stupid. There is no Phillip or Lester. This was bad.
Green Hornet Volume Four: Red Hand written by Ande Parks
Mulan is laid up, the Green Hornet is harassed by vigilantes and the assassin Red Hand lurks. There are idiot death traps and the past weights on the present in more ways then one. This was good.
“But by all means, keep yelling about it. Very incognito.”
Too Close by Hilary Norman
All her life Holly Bourne has loved Nick Miller. But he never loved her, not even during their destructive ‘romance’. Nick is now married to Nina and Holly is married to Jack. They live in different cities and have separate lives, but Holly wants Nick back. Holly embarks on an insane campaign to win back his love.
This is an unnerving tale of obsessive love. Holly is damaged and crazy and desperate for love. Nick is obsessed by his hatred for Holly and is a thoughtless jackass with anger issues and bad judgement. This will not end well. This is good.
“Everything about you is a problem.”
The Playroom by Gloria Murphy
Rosalie was the pathetic joke of Bradley High’s class of 81. So she moved away, got magic plastic surgery, changed her name to Victoria Louise and now she has returned to her hometown for revenge.
She lures her old tormentors to her house and imprisons them in the playroom. When they’re all present she is going to throw a party. This was dull, the revenge party was a letdown and the grown up bullies take no responsibility.
10 years ago Rebecca’s husband Paul (Sean Bean) was killed in a car bomb. Now her son Michael has headed off to Rome to study architecture. Then wouldn’t you know it, he vanishes. So his puffy faced mother (Ashley Judd overacting) heads off to find him. She has a past.
People die, people have moments, back-story is trotted out, photos are just left lying around, obstructive bureaucrats obstruct and someone falls into the Seine. This is another show like the ok ‘Vanished’, the crappy ‘Kidnapped’ and the wonderful ‘Traveler’. This was okay but nothing special.
“Those are words every mother likes to hear.”
“What’s this PFA? Some kind of foreign political group?”
“Sir, that’s the Parent Faculty Association.”
Five annoying jerks get onto a plane. Sara (Jessica Lowndes of ‘90210’) is the pilot and her passengers are a gang of unpleasant morons. They fly into a storm, a guy free climbs onto the tail, the plane looks like a model and a monster lurks.
There is no tension or empathy just bad acting. This was overwrought toxic waste. There is more drama on ‘Hollyoaks’ with Mercedes framing Mitzeee for stabbing her.
“What happened? Where are we? Why the hell am I tied up?”
“Where the hell’s the ground?”
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Shaun (Simon Pegg) is a slacker with a loser BFF in Ed and a fed up girlfriend in Liz. Then the zombies rise. This full of homages to other zombie films. Shaun overlooks ominous newspaper headlines, strange background events, ominous news reports and dismisses zombies on the street as drunks. He is too busy hating his step dad and solving his problems with alcohol to notice the dead walking.
In fact Shaun wakes up on the morning of the zombie apocalypse hung-over and walks to the corner shop and back without noticing the zombie apocalypse happening all around him. Shaun and Ed finally notice the zombies when they invade the garden.
Shaun has to save the day and fight off zombies with vinyl. This was better than ‘The Walking Dead’. Shaun wields a cricket bat, Martin Freeman of ‘Sherlock’ has a tiny cameo, there is sap, violence and humour. This was good. However when Shaun slips in the newsagent, there is no blood. Why does Pete share a house with the losers Ed and Shaun? Plus ‘Hot Fuzz’ was crap.
“Ooooh, he’s got an arm off!”
“We’re coming to get you Barbra!”
“I put half a Mars bar in the glove box once and he chased me round the garden with a bit of wood.”
“I’m quite all right Barbra, I ran it under a cold tap.”
“It’s a load of overblown nonsense. A lot of drug nuts running wild.”
“Just there over the 20 garden fences?”
A plane crashes and Claire tries to help the survivors including Eric (Patrick Wilson). There is hysterical screaming and plot incoherence. This was boring with an obvious twist and much sap. Another failed scare fest like ‘The Tripper’, ‘Saw II’, ‘Joy Ride’ and the original ‘Fright Night’.