June 29th, 2012

Scary Books

Bedlam 2x04 + Breaking Bad 2x04 Reviewed

Bedlam 2x04
Scott (Lee Mead) and his brat younger brother move in. Ellie whines and is selfish. The horrible kid, Jude, screams and tries to kill his big bro. Everyone mumbles. The creepy assistant creeps. Ellie annoys.

Kate is still missing but no-one cares. Kate has a twitter account, sigh. Doesn’t anyone ever work? They’re always in the bar drinking. The boss Warren freaks. Kira whines. Ellie is knocked up by her ex-fiancee who hasn’t been seen since 2x01. Warren rumbles his creepy assistant and then the creepy assistant makes a claim.

Scott has to save his brother from the ghosts in a flurry of bad, bad acting. This was mediocre but nowhere near as bad as 2x03.

Jesse whines and annoys. Walt tries to reconnect with Skyler and Walt Jnr to no avail. Jesse’s parents kick him out of his house. They own it and don’t want their drug addict/drug dealer/drug cooking son in their house.

Jesse runs around screaming and taking no responsibility, no-one wants to know him. Walt doesn’t listen and Skyler and Walt Jnr shun him. Eventually Jesse and Walt end up eating breakfast because no one else cares. Meanwhile Skyler has gone off in a huff to smoke while pregnant in a parking lot. This was not good. Why should anyone care about this collection of whining losers?

Best Lines:
“Vacate the house in 72 hours. Otherwise your parents have authorised me to contact the authorities.”

“Why are you like this? Why?”
Scary Books

Covert Affairs Season 1 Review, part 3

Fool In the Rain
This show needs a ranting super villain and less of Auggie the creator’s pet and Annie’s bitch sister. Speaking of the bitch sister, she whines and berates her ineffectual husband. There is iffy CGI and bad green screen. The bitch sister screams. There is idiot comedy. Joan annoys. Arthur busts Auggie. There are flashbacks to Ben. There is bad acting and Annie deals with a defector. This was dull. If the bitch sister and her doormat TV husband are living on savings: why is the bitch sister splashing out money on a catering website and a honeymoon suite at Niagara Falls?

I Can’t Quit You Baby
Annie’s bitch sister is an entitlemoo. Annie goes deep cover in London to find out what Vivian (Anna Chlumsky of ‘My Girl’) is up too. Jai wanders around. Vivian and her squeaky voice are perky. Annie gambles and is stupid. She’s all charm and no damn good. Her bitch sister (whose name is Danielle) needs to shut up. This was boring.

Best Lines:
“Are you wearing your encrypted phone?”
“Strapped to my thigh, not very comfortable.”
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Scary Books

Tape Tales of 2001 + 2002 et al

‘Passengers’ trailer
This looks silly.

Part of Me’ promo
No! Yet, yes.

‘Criminal Minds’ Quotes:
“Psychopaths love official jobs.”

“He was terrified someone would take me.”
“Because he knew what was out there.”
“Yeah, men like him.”

‘Raising Hope’ Quotes:
“I never realised how sexy it was living with a man who leaves more milk in the carton then on his shirt.”

“I’ve been writing Virginia’s name on bathroom walls so random guys will call.”

‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’ Quotes:
“Be specific Captain. Which Enterprise? There have been five.”
“This was the first Enterprise. Constitution class.”
“His ship.”
"James T Kirk.”
“The one and only.”
“17 separate temporal violations. The biggest file on record.”
“Man was a menace.”

“Another glorious chapter of Klingon history. Tell me do they still songs of the great Tribble hunt?”

‘Don’t Trust The B---- in Apartment 23’ Quotes:
“He’s an ipod DJ and he thinks the moon is chasing him.”

“I love St Patrick’s Day. You get to puke on the street and people applaud you for it.”

I read a major ‘Fringe’ season 5 spoiler – the show could be back to season 2 greatness.

I misliked ‘Shadowborn’.

Cleared out two tapes. One from 2001 and one from 2002. The 2001 began with the movie ‘April Fool’s Day’ in which a group of morons with 80s hair have adventures in a “lifestyles of the rich and undeserving” setting. This was boring. It had a nice soundtrack but it also had shouting and men in short shorts.

Best Lines:
“I don’t like this. I definitely don’t think I like this.”

“It’s alright. It’s Perrier.”

Then came a season 1 ‘Lois & Clark’ ep ‘The Rival’ in which Lois moaned at Linda. A rival reporter for the rival Star newspaper. Dean Stockwell guest starred and over acted. This had 90s clothes and the image was fuzzy. Plus it had hideous evening wear, a huge mobile phone and Linda was apparently the only reporter working for the Star. This was dull.

Then came an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Alone’ in which Doggett and a squeaky voiced female agent go looking for a monster. There is bad acting. Everyone speaks slowly. The opening credits are ugly. This was boring. Mulder is wooden. This is not a classic like ‘Colony/End Game’. There is a weirdo in the woods.

Best Lines:
“This is not a liver eating mutant Agent Harrison.”
“It could be an alien who sheds skin.”

“When you went to the Antarctica to save Agent Scully from being taken by that spaceship and you ran out of gas in your snowcat. How did you get back?”

The 2002 tape opened with an ‘Invisible Man’ ep ‘The Importance of Being Eberts’ in which everyone mumbles. The duo looks for a hacker and stumble across the boring big bad. The invisible big bad escapes on a bike and the invisible Darien chases him on a skateboard. This was not funny but was dull.

Then there was a season 1 ‘Star Trek: Enterprise’ ep ‘Fight or Flight’ in which Hoshi adjusts to ship life. The Enterprise finds a derelict spaceship full of bodies. The tracking was really bad. There was endless yapping which was muffled BTW. Then came a season 1 ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Cool’ in which Lex is kind of inappropriate. The Kent farm is in trouble, Lex helps for no thanks. Clark obsesses over Lana and a meteor mutant freezes girls and kills them. This was bad. Is Lex wearing lipstick? What became of his model of Troy?

Then there was a season 6 ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘Afterlife’ in which people pay for Buffy and Willow’s mistakes. Those girls never were any good. Willow and Tara have been mooching in Buffy’s house while she was dead. Where is Buffy’s father? Who is paying the property tax? Xander is a jackass. There is a haunting and Buffy’s show killing depression arc kicks off. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“I don’t think she’s particularly normal at all.”

“Your hands smell of death.”

“You were stained! You still are! I know what you did!”

“I think I was in heaven and now I’m not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out by my friends.”
Scary Books

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (1987) Episode 6 Review

The last TV ‘Mole’ ep until the ill advised BBC revival. Adrian has been suspended from school. Barry Kent and his gang (all wearing acid washed jeans) show up on his doorstep and ask him to hang out. Adrian agrees and gets to call Barry ‘Baz’. The gang indulge in street harassment and aggravated littering. This causes Pandora to dump Adrian, again. Pandora is 16 going on 45.

His parents fail to notice Adrian running around the streets at night with a gang of louts. Feeling ignored, Adrian runs away believing his parents won’t notice or care. He ends up soaked, miserable and harassed by a perv. He returns home and takes to his bed. Attempts by Nigel and Barry Kent to cheer him up do not work.

Pandora and Adrian reunite and wear monochromatic rags: “It’s part of the new teenage subculture.” They make out and care for Bert. Lulu shouts all her lines. Everything is angsty and then it ends. Poor Adrian: three marriages, three kids, illness, minor celebrity and nothing would never change.

Best Lines:
“Looks like another evening chucking prawn crisps at each other.”

“London is rat fink Lucas’ stomping ground.”

“They’re not even in, probably down the pub, another sign of their complete indifference.”

“I’m angst ridden.”
“Well who wouldn’t be after lying in bed like a dying swan for a week!”