June 22nd, 2012

Scary Books

Bedlam 2x03 + Breaking Bad 2x03 Reviewed

Bedlam 2x03
A couple plan to get married in Bedlam. There is bad acting. Ellie whines and rants. Where is Kate? The assistant is creepy. This looks cheap, the new Marina and the Diamonds video looks better than this. Everyone is an idiot. The wedding goes to hell. This was TERRIBLE.

Bit By A Dead Bee
Walt scams his way home by faking a fugue state. Jesse gets himself arrested. Marie is horrible. Wheelchair dude looms. Walt breaks into his own house and lies some more. Hank is figuring out the blue meth connections. This was okayish.

Best Line:
“Skinny yeast factory of a girlfriend.”
Scary Books

Covert Affairs (2010 - 2015) Season 1 Review, part 1

We get flashbacks to an orange Annie Walker (Piper Perabo of ‘Carriers’) and her summer romance. She wears horrible pink lip-gloss. Annie is pulled out of CIA training to work for Joan Campbell (Kari Matchett of ‘Invasion’) in the Domestic Protection Division.

Annie is super talented, super perky, wears heels that are too high and an unbuttoned blouse. Joan wears a work inappropriate dress. The blind tech ops guy Auggie (show killer Christopher Gorham of ‘Popular’, ‘Ugly Betty’, ‘Jake 2.0’ and ‘Harpers Island’) has an ugly haircut.

Joan is married to the perpetually angry big boss Arthur (Peter Gallagher of ‘The O.C’). An assassin strikes showering Annie in glass and bullets. Joan seems more concerned by screaming at and distrusting her husband. Joan annoys. Annie babbles about how she joined the CIA after the summer loving went bad and how she lives in her sister’s guest house. Mooch.

Arthur’s lackey Conrad eyes up a woman in a bar and describes her claddagh ring as a “vintage Irish heart ring” and misidentifies a crucifix. No wonder he was replaced by Jai in the next ep.

There is an unnecessary car chase and dinner party. Annie’s annoying sister thinks she works at the Smithsonian. Annie’s sister needs to shut up. An annoying reporter (Emmanuelle Vaugier of ‘Smallville’ and ‘Saw II’) annoys. Everyone lick-arses Annie. Joan rants like a nutcase leading to more chases and obvious plot twists. This was mediocre.

Walter’s Walk
Annie’s sister wants Annie to be her children’s guardian. The DPD have a new set. Annie debriefs walk-ins and meets a boy who intercepted a number station message. The bizarre anime like opening credits debut. Jai (Sendhil Ramamurthy of ‘Heroes’) joins the DPD, he is CIA royalty. Conrad has gone without explanation. Joan moans.

The number station message leads to the IRA. Annie meets an M16 agent (Steven Brand of ‘The Scorpion King’) Joan moans some more – some of her insecurity is revealed. She stole Arthur from his first wife. Annie’s sister is a bitch. There is lazy writing. This was okay.

Sound Bound Suarez
Annie befriends Diego and his cod foreign accent (one of the dudes from ‘90210’). Diego has a sister Julia who is the mistress of a money launderer. Annie and the CIA threaten Diego and Julia into helping them. It gets violent in South America. This is okay.

Best Line:
You American women are all cougars with hot tubs.”

No Quarter
Annie’s in Zurich. An incident at the airport causes her to go to ground with Mossad agent Eyal Lavine (Oded Fehr). The snotty reporter Liza snots. Is she a TV or a print reporter?

Joan rants again. Who is Liza’s leak? Eyal and Annie crash a wedding reception to retrieve a briefcase. This was okay. So far this show is fluffy light entertainment.

Best Lines:
You redacted the sports page.”

“I’m horribly embarrassed by their inability to take us out.”

Trailers and Quotes

‘V/H/S’ trailer
Idiots break into a house to steal a videotape in this ridiculous looking horror anthology.

Sinister’ trailer
The pretentious Ethan Hawke stars in a new film from the makers of ‘Insidious’. This looks really good.

Magic Mike’ trailer
A tale of a male stripper and his idiot whiny bimbo girlfriend who won’t shut up. This looks stupid.

I’m Dangerous Tonight’ trailer
This incredibly overwrought trailer is for a fairly decent 1990 TV movie about a cloak that makes people crazy. It stars Anthony Perkins.

I am reading ‘Shadowborn’.

The Spirit’ Quote:
Toilets are always funny.”

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole’ (novel) Quotes:
“I am very pleased to hear that you have decided not to kill yourself this year.”

“Grandma has a funny look in the eyes. My mother says it is called Jingoism, but I think it is more likely to be cataracts.”

“He is deluding himself if he thinks he has joined the middle class. He still puts HP sauce on his toast.”

“Funny to think that old, smelly, unattractive people can be sentimental.”

“Brett doesn’t like Robin Day’s voice for some reason. It makes him scream and bring his milk up.”

“I was tired of Barry Kent shoving his prawn balls down my trousers.”

“A sign that my parents are now frantic with worry about me: Barry Kent was allowed into the house.”

‘Happy Endings’ Quotes:
“A zombie apocalypse is going to happen. I mean, why do you think I live the way I do?”
“Lack of ambition, no self respect.”

“You sound like a 50 year old divorcee talking to her stepson.”

“I went to a dark place. Like applying to grad school dark.”

“Hipster rule number 1: never try, never put effort into anything...hipster rule number 2: only like things ironically...final rule: everything is dumb.”

‘Flowers in the Attic’ Quotes:
What could she say? Darling, I have a secret to tell you: upstairs hidden away in the far northern wing, I have four children.”

“You are not going to cut off one strand of Cathy’s hair, Grandmother! Take one step in her direction, and I will pound you over the head with this chair!”

Don’t Trust The B---- in Apartment 23’ Quotes:
“I’ve been surviving on a sack of potatoes I found behind a deli.”

“We’ll be okay as long as Grandma Rose passes soon.”

“Fat cabbie can run.”
Scary Books

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (1987) Episodes 4 and 5 Reviewed

Episode 4
The welfare gives Adrian a £10 coupon for buying school trousers to ease the sour taste of poverty. Adrian goes to Nigel’s Halloween party dressed as a fiend, he looks ridiculous. Adrian overlooks all the clues about Nigel’s orientation. Rosie is born. There is bad acting. Adrian tells his dad that Rosie resembles him: “wrinkled and angry looking.”

The issue of Rosie’s paternity would not be settled until the ‘Prostrate Years’ book. Adrian sees his half brother Brett before Doreen Slater runs off with Maxwell’s father. Brett would not return until ‘The Lost Years’ book. Mr Mole is jubilant at Doreen’s departure. Then Queenie dies. This was okay but still no Barry Kent.

Best Lines:
“I was born by caesarean section.”
“How interesting, that would account for quite a lot.”

“I am perfectly capable of pushing a hoover around.”

“Makes a charming domestic picture doesn’t it? Until your father goes home to his other family.”

Episode 5
Mr Lucas phones making an issue of Rosie’s paternity. The thing is, he was right – he was Rosie’s father. The Mole parents attempt reconciliation. Scruton rants. Adrian becomes obsessed by breakfast TV. Pandora wants neon pink leg warmers and berates Adrian. The depressed Adrian is upset by his girlfriend and Mr Lucas arriving on the doorstep making access demands. This was not good.

Barry Kent finally makes a brief appearance. ‘Growing Pains’ is not as good as ‘Secret Diary’; it feels like they are leaving a lot out.

Best Lines:
“My hair’s got three partings.”

“100 years ago, you would have been up a chimney!”

"I can feel myself mutating into a yob.”

“I don’t know what an injunction is, but it sounds dead threatening.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Review: Commedia Della Morte

Commedia Della Morte by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro

It is France 1792, the Terror is taking place and the idiotic annoying Madelaine de Montalia has been arrested by the Revolutionary Tribunal. Saint Germain vows to rescue his former girlfriend/vampire protégé no matter the collateral damage. He travels to France with an acting troupe.

He and the troupe’s leader Photine are lovers to the fury of her idiot son who makes trouble. Saint Germain will let nothing stand in the way of his very slow rescue of Madelaine. As for Madelaine who is locked up in a foul jail during the Terror? We get almost nothing from her point of view.

This is a frustrating read at times. Photine, her son and Madelaine are all idiots. Roger still has no personality. But is does pick up after a while and is enjoyable even if it is not one of Yarbro’s better efforts in this saga.