June 15th, 2012

Scary Books

Trailers & Stuff

‘The Bourne Legacy’ trailer
There was never just one. Well, I’m not caring.

‘Arrow’ trailer
Is that the Luthor mansion from ‘Smallville’? Our hero poses and makes menacing comments. This looks good.

Best Lines:
“I’m not the person they remember.”

“The Oliver you lost might not be the one they found.”

‘Sinbad’ trailer
This looks like a big pile of crap.

‘Homeland’ season 2 promo

Chernobyl Diaries’ Promo
This looks tasteless.

I am reading ‘In The Face Of Death’

I think I’ll skip ‘1636: The Kremlin Games’.

I remember the 10 part ‘Roswell High’ book series with fondness. Roswell where school was an entirely different experience. The TV show was terrible BTW.

‘Prometheus’ quote:
“Why do you hate us?”

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole’ (novel) Quotes:
The television was switched off so I knew something serious had happened.”

“I predict that Channel Four will transform British society. All the morons in the country will start watching it, and get a taste for education and culture!”

‘Don’t Trust The B---- in Apartment 23’ Quotes:
“Oh don’t bother; I already ate all the pills from underneath the coach.”

“No! Find another way to express that!”

‘Xena Warrior Princess’ Quote:
“Where did you steal that dress...maybe some day you can go back for the rest of it.”
Scary Books

Bedlam 2x02 + Breaking Bad 2x02 Reviewed

Bedlam 2x02
People ignore Ellie’s warning about a ghost in the swimming pool. Does everyone in the apartment complex have a conduct disorder? Bedlam has a bar and pool. An Olympic hopeful and her coach move in. Bad things happen. Ellie reveals she grew up in care. This was boring with bad acting.

The DEA are looking for Tuco. Hank is looking for the missing Walter. Jesse and Walter are being held hostage by the deranged Tuco and some creepy weird guy in a wheelchair. Marie is horrible, Jesse’s mother is an idiot and Tuco screams incoherently. Things get violent and this was terrible.

Best Lines:
Meth hag girlfriend.”

“You’re an insane degenerate piece of filth.”

“I think the very fact they haven’t found him yet bodes well...somebody would have smelt something by now.”
Scary Books

Movie Review: Cloverfield (2008)

This is a found footage film about stupid hipsters being menaced by something. After over 17 minutes of hipster whining, the monster shows up. Hud (who looks like a fat James Franco gone to seed) films it all. The foul Rob (Michael Stahl-David of ‘Kings’) shouts. Jason hangs out. Lily and Marlena follow Rob for no clear reason.

Rob does not care about endangering his friends or his dead brother; he does care about looting a phone battery. This is a horrible movie. It has clothes and hair out of ‘90210’ and hysteria out of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’. You want the Large Scale Aggressor to eat them all.

Best Lines:
“I think we need to get out of here, like, right now.”

“One of us is going to have to tackle you and that’s going to be very uncomfortable for everyone involved.”

“Maybe not the best topic for conversation down here.”

“The government’s considering the Hammerdown Protocol.”

“There’s nowhere to go to.”

“I just can’t stop thinking how scary it would be if a flaming homeless guy came out of the dark right now.”
Scary Books

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole (1987) Episodes 2&3 Reviewed

Episode 2

Adrian goes on a blind date with Sharon Bott at the roller disco. Sharon is described as the school tart that will do it for 50 pence and a pound of grapes. Sadly Adrian flails around to the ‘2001’ music and the date is a disaster. The fact he wears a string vest does not help.

An annoying postman shows up. There is a special assembly at the school to announce the birth of Prince William. When Pandora asks: “How much will he cost Sir?” The bug eyed principle goes nuts and roars: “200 years ago you would have been burned at the stake for making such a comment!”

Queenie has a stroke and this leads to Adrian and Pandora getting back together. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“What’s wrong with Skegness? Skegness!”

“When did you realise you still loved me?”
“When I saw you ironing those horrible underpants. Only a superior type of youth could have done that.”

Episode 3

The Mole family go on holiday to Skegness. Adrian’s candyfloss is blown away by the wind and his parents laugh hysterically at him. The joy is short-lived as Mr Mole informs his wife and son that Doreen Slater has given birth to his son Brett. The holiday and the Mole marriage promptly go to hell.

Mrs Mole and Adrian have money issues. This was another bad ep; Lulu is terrible as Mrs Mole. This was the second Barry Kent free ep.

Best Lines:
Her room now looks like a scene from Bleak House.”

“Mother gone off again?”
“It’s my father this time.”
  • Current Music
    Desert Rose – Mediaeval Baebes
  • Tags
To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: The Best Horror Of The Year Volume 4, part 2 + Bleeding Out

The Best Horror Of The Year Volume 4 edited by Ellen Datlow

Blackwood’s Baby

A group of hunters venture into the forest. But they’re not doing the hunting, they’re being hunted. Okay.

A man hooks up with a woman at a party and learns her secret. Dull.

The Show
A TV psychic learns her powers aren’t fake after all. This is creepy and very good.

Mulberry Boys
A freaky tale of an isolated community. Okay.

Roots And All
Two cousins come to clean out their dead grandmother’s house. They learn the secrets of the rural community and the price to be paid. Very good.

Final Girl Theory
A man sees the star of a famous horror movie on the street. Excellent.

A decidedly unwholesome family go camping. Disturbing.

Horrors lurk in the everyday of their job. Okay.

Black Feathers
A girl wants magic to take away her horrible little brother. Magic does come but not in the way she wanted. Good.

The Final Verse
Two men look for the missing verse of a beloved folk song. Good.

In The Absence of Murdock
Terrible story about something weird in a bungalow.

You Become The Neighborhood
A mother tells her daughter the long ago story of a terrible night. Good.

Best Line:
I am sitting with my mother in front of our childhood home – the one we left for the last time in an ambulance, with my mother in restraints and screaming – and we’re laughing.”

In Paris, In The Mouth Of Kronos
Two disgraced soldiers accept an assignment. Good.

Little Pig
A woman tries to get her children across a forest. Okay.

The Ballad of Ballard and Sandine
A bizarre tale of a decadent couple who seem to be in hell. Okay.

Bleeding Out by Jes Battis

The final ‘OSI’ novel. This is a bizarre tale of how Tess Corday has a confrontation that changes her life and how she learns big secrets. Tess also has several stream of consciousness rambles. This is a good if bizarre finale to the ‘OSI’ saga.

Best Lines:
“Hellraiser taught me that pointy boxes are just bad news.”

“First you show up at a crime scene, then you start selling drugs. This is the kind of story that conservative moms love to hear.”