April 30th, 2012

Scary Books

Saint-Germain and Steps

Books I won’t be reading: ‘Witchlanders’, ‘The Shattering’ or ‘Cold Kiss’.

I am reading ‘Juggernaut’.

I’ve been reading the Saint-Germain novels by Chelsea Quinn Yarbro for some time. I haven’t read them all yet but I plan to. Anyway so far I’ve only encountered three duds. The first was ‘Come Twilight’ which managed to make a tale that took place over centuries in Moorish Spain boring. Saint-Germain encounters what he thinks is the latest doomed woman to be his noble burden. But she is actually a nemesis. A boring nemesis who tries to talk him to death or something.

Then there was ‘A Feast In Exile’ which saw Saint-Germain flee India and end up stuck with two obnoxious thankless women. It was long and dull. Then finally there was ‘Midnight Harvest’ which saw Saint-Germain follow a boring woman from Franco’s Spain to Depression era America. It was boring because I didn’t care about their ‘romance’ or how in the 1930’s Saint-Germain still avoids attracting notice for his lack of a reflection or appetite.

Watched ‘Steps: On The Road Again’ and what a bunch of moaners. Lisa has had bad cosmetic surgery and looks like she is 40. Claire is a lazy whiner whose husband obviously wants to keep her barefoot and pregnant. H is annoying. Lee is detached and fades into the background. Faye lives in grim up north but without the grim. Lisa is selfish, Lee seems more interested in appearing on Argos TV and there is palpable hatred for Claire.
Scary Books

CSI Miami 8x17 Review

Getting Axed

An office full of people with breath taking anger management issues and a total lack of work appropriate attire are suspects when a receptionist/designated office nazi gets an axe in the noggin.

Was it the foetus faced office assistant? The weirdo played by the guy who was the weirdo captain on ‘Death Valley’? Or the guy played by Daniel Roebuck? Horatio strikes poses and mutters. Didn’t he used to smile and wear colours?

The stench of Jesse is all over the ep. Who is this person and why is he there? The murder of the hard faced sourpuss is solved via made up computer technology. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“That boy is not his son, he’s a catalogue model.”

“Your herpes medication is ready.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: Struck + a lot of old Trek novels

Struck by Jennifer Bosworth

This is a very good story that begins in a post-earthquake decimated LA. The city has been hit by the big one and lies in ruins. There are refugees, food shortages, disease and despair. Mia struggles to keep her idiot brother and mad mother together.

But Mia has her own issues. Lightening has an affinity for Mia, a creepy boy is talking her and two cults have arisen in the decimated LA and both have unpleasant plans for her. This is wonderful and engrossing as Mia learns there is a storm coming and the ending leaves sequel possibilities.

A meandering on various old Star Trek: TOS novels

‘The Romulan Way’ by Diane Duane and Peter Morwood: This is a tale of the foundation of the Romulan Empire, the sundering of Vulcan society and the story of a deep cover spy on Romulus who was so successful at infiltrating Romulan society she has forgotten who and what she really is. This is a classic.

How Much For Just The Planet by John M Ford: A very funny comedy spoof with musical interludes. ‘The Three Minute Universe’ by Barbara Paul: this sees members of a race nicknamed the Sackers commit a terrible crime. Kirk and co try to stop them before they do anymore damage. This has drama, black comedy and is very good but sadly overlooked.

‘The Entropy Effect’ by Vonda N McIntyre: the Enterprise is transporting a prisoner who somehow escapes, gets onto the bridge and murders Kirk. The crew are in shock and nothing makes any sense. Spock uncovers a time travel conspiracy while distrust and ugly suspicions break the crews trust in each other. This is excellent.

Dreadnought’ by Diane Carey: this is told in first person narration by a new crew member. She witnesses the ship become enmeshed in a Starfleet coup. This is good. ‘Doctor’s Orders’ by Diane Duane: sees McCoy left in charge of the Enterprise when Kirk vanishes. It is enjoyable and very funny. ‘Ghost Walker’ by Barbara Hambly: this has Kirk’s body appropriated by an alien who does bad things while Kirk’s soul is cast adrift. This is good.

The Patrian Transgression’ by Simon Hawke: Kirk and co visit a just contacted world and fall afoul of the telepathic police force. ‘Crossroad’ by Barbara Hambly: the Enterprise encounters a ship of rebels from the future. They have a terrible story to tell. Plague and corruption have turned the galaxy into the plaything of the fascist Consilium. The crew are shocked at what the future holds and then a Consilium ship shows up. This is excellent and a good bleak look at a possible future.

Section 31: Cloak’ by S.D. Perry: this sees Kirk and co encounter Section 31. It is dark and good. ‘Strangers From The Sky’ by Margaret Wander Bonanno: a story of the real first contact between Earth and Vulcan. This is an excellent intricate tale of time travel, xenophobia and adventure. ‘Final Frontier’ by Diane Carey: a tale of George Kirk and the maiden voyage of the newly invented starship. Kirk is first officer on a rescue mission led by the really irritating Robert April. This is good.

Uhura’s Song’ by Janet Kagan: a good adventure tale. ‘Dwellers in the Crucible’ by Margaret Wander Bonanno: an excellent tale of two female POWS caught up in Klingon/Romulan plotting. ‘Prime Directive’ by Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens: Kirk is a disgraced reviled outcast. He is blamed for a pre-first contact world being destroyed in a nuclear holocaust. But what really happened? This is very good.

‘Burning Dreams’ by Margaret Wander Bonanno: this tells the life story of Christopher Pike and is good. Finally there is ‘Federation’ by Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens: this is a tale of the discovery of warp drive, WW3 and the post-atomic horror, a meeting between Kirk and Picard, Romulans, a glimpse of a far distant future and an unending hatred. This is excellent.
Scary Books

Persons Unknown 1x05 – 1x07 Reviewed


Surprise surprise Joe is one of ‘them’, Tori is dead and her replacement Erika has arrived. Tom (Reggie Lee) watches the gang of idiots and mocks them. Janet needs to shut up, Moira displays bad acting and out in the world Kat fires Renbe the unrepentant wife and child abandoner.

Erika beats people up and does some unnecessary jumping out windows. Moira sees a weird TV message. Joe is obsessed with Janet and overacts as he babbles about “protocol”.

Renbe is inappropriate, Kat screeches and the whole abusive grandmother plot seems to have been abandoned as Renbe couldn’t care less about his child living with grandma. Erika reveals she was executed or so she thought. Moira gets suspicious of Joe via the not so secret door in the lift.

Joe gets violent with Tom. The abductees don’t act empty, sad or worried. Grant cracks. Erika and Janet bond. These people are useless and so stupid they couldn’t even pass worms. Moira has antipathy toward Joe the poor man’s Christian Bale. Renbe enters uncharted emotional territory by talking to his offspring and then forgets about her again. This was okay, but Joe rankles.

Best Line:
“What the hell happened now?”

The Truth

Kat and Renbe are menaced. Kat (Lola Glaudini of ‘Criminal Minds’) is stupid. The non-dynamic duo crash Tori’s funeral. The abductees are stupid save for Erika who is onto Joe’s lies. Somehow nobody noticed how he has been directing events or the unsubtle elevator numbers issue.

Joe babbles about “the programme” and Renbe babbles about men in blue. Janet is a snot. Erika (Kandyse McClure of ‘Battlestar Galactica’) gets the truth out of Joe.

Best Line:
I’ve seen enough women’s prison movies to know what that look means.”

Smoke and Steel

Janet wails and can’t act as Joe admits he is one of ‘them’. He still won’t reveal what he knows or the secret tunnels though. Joe is self righteous and the moron Janet defends him. Joe annoys and some abductees try to beat answers out of him.

Kat has undergone a personality change and she and Renbe are informed about an organisation with no name that does shadowy stuff. There are dossiers on the abductees in Joe’s bedside table. Erika stirs the pot. Janet must have huffed a lot of upholstery cleaner in the 90s, she is just that stupid. Beardy gets shot and someone dies. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“You and your pervert friends.”

“We manufacture people and events.”
To Light The Way To Bed

Movie Reviews: Terminator Salvation + Twins of Evil

Terminator Salvation (2009)

In 2003 a death row inmate Marcus (that dude from ‘Avatar’ that Hollywood keeps trying to make happen) donates his body to a doctor (Helena Bonham Carter) from the Cyberdyne Systems Genetics Division.

In 2018 John Connor (Christian Bale) fights against the machines and shouts a lot. How does this tie into the TV show? What is with the text scroll? The T800s are being built and a resistance leader (Michael Ironside) thinks Connor is a false prophet.

Skynet wants to kill Kyle Reese, is John’s parentage common knowledge or what? John listens to Sarah’s tapes but I honestly cannot tell if it is Linda Hamilton’s voice or not. Marcus shows up in 2018 and runs around being a loathsome jackass.

What are the resistance eating? Where do they get their clothes, weapons, planes, helicopter, submarine, ammo and power? How are the roads in good condition? Machines hunt humans. Marcus encounters Kyle Reese, a pilot (Moon Bloodgood of ‘Journeyman’) and some other survivors who are lazy belligerent dirty and unhelpful idiots.

People are eye bleedingly stupid, there is overacting and stridency, Marcus is a jerk, John Connor’s woman fades into the background, there is a lot of shouting and a CGI Arnie. This was okay.

Best Lines:
You’re doing something very noble.”

“Skynet’s a machine and like all machines it has an off switch.”

“Come with me if you want to live.”

“What is that?”
“Two day old coyote. Better than three day old coyote.”

“Leadership has it costs; you above all should know that.”

“The devil’s hands have been busy.”

“You were made to serve a purpose.”

“There is no fate but what we make.”

Twins of Evil (1971)

In old gothic Europe, orphaned identical twins Maria and Frieda (Mary and Madeleine Collinson) comes to live with their religious maniac uncle Gustav Weil (Peter Cushing).

Weil is obsessed with the decadent antics of Count Karnsein (Damien Thomas) and as he can’t arrest a nobleman, he burns busty young women at the stake. The arrival of his twin busty nieces and their OTT outfits is a bit much for Weil to deal with. The twins prance around in lace transparent nighties. Maria is naïve, wet and nice while Frieda is mean and sexually adventurous. She sneaks out and has a rendezvous with the count.

The count is a mud ages medallion man with a perm and hairy chest. He and Frieda have merry vampire adventures. Ineffectual choirmaster hero Anton undergoes a dumbening and fancies Frieda as his angel pie. There is dry ice, fangs, gloom, the villagers are mortally afraid of Weil and Weil chokes on his candour when he learns Frieda is a vampire.

Frieda was a bit conflicted at first but embraces her bad side, the count is dumb and Maria is placid even when her creepy uncle plans to burn her at the stake. Eventually a mob grabs pitchforks and torches and heads for the castle. The malcontent Frieda and count pay as moral order is restored. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I’m going away from here.”
“I’ll find a way.”

“Out witch hunting again?”

“It seems to be everyone’s occupation here. Hunting of one kind or the other...boars in the morning and witches at night.”

“My words were not an introduction but a warning.”

“Sir, you are impertinent.”

“Who wants to be good?”

“Not now woman!”

“I know his kind.”

“Pray for me Weil!”